Things I Think About Just Before Turning 40

How I See Myself at 40

It is 5 days before my 40th birthday.  I'm 39 years old right now.  I felt that needed to be said.  I have been thinking about this new age that I'm approaching, thinking about it a lot, actually.

I was told that your 30's are SO much better than your 20's, but that hasn't proven to be all that true.  When I turned 29 years old I made a massive life change by getting divorced and moving 3,000 miles away from home, where I ended up marrying a really wonderful man.  The moving part was a mistake in some ways, and that led to most of the misery of my 30's, but the (really rather wretched) sadness of that is now more of a dull hum in the back of my skull, rather than an earth-shattering revelation I'd reel from every day when I woke up for the first few years.

I look at women on TV who play moms to children the age of my son; women who are actually playing the part of the 40 year old mother of an 8 year old son.  I cannot believe I'm in their league.  I can NOT possibly look THAT old, can I?

See?  I don't have eye wrinkles like this.

I check the mirror to double-check.  I don't have any wrinkles on my face at all; okay, around my eyes for the first few hours upon waking up, but I haven't had any botox (yet.)  I sure as hell don't look like Teri Hatcher (we're talking eyes here - of course I don't have her skeletal body, which I'd love to have.)

I also see a "girl" who still dyes her hair red, has nose, eyebrow, and upper ear cartilage piercings.  (Okay, I took out the eyebrow piercing because I never ended up feeling much like Fergie, although I rather liked it.  Too much public pressure to remove it, and I fell for it.)  I cannot possibly be about to turn 40 years old.

I remember being a teenager and my future Mother in Law having her 40th birthday.  Her friends did the whole "Lordy, lordy, look who's 40!" thing - and I remember feeling - literally - sick to my stomach with the revulsion of the thought of celebrating something so horrible.  Now I'm that horrible person.  But, SHE looked 40.  I don't look 40!  I hated her.  I hate her to this day.

I remember watching a movie with Billy Chrystal in it.  City Slickers.  He stood up in front of his son's class for "Bring Your Parents to School Day" and he was humorously depressed about his life.  He started going through the decades of life in order to explain to the kids what they've got to look forward to, and when he got to 40 he said "...and when you're 40 you'll undergo some kind of 'procedure'..."  I was young when I watched that, too, and I wondered what procedure I'd have to undergo.  I think I need a hysterectomy, sadly.

Damn Billy Chrystal, why must you always be so right?  (I was wrong about the decade/procedure part, but I'll post it on to the end of this entry.  It's a moot point, though - I've always remembered the "procedure" (but it's really surgery) decade as being 40.  See how well I pay attention?)

At this point in my life - I'm calling it the half-way point even though I hope to live to be 100 years old. (I'm terrified of dying...I'd like to be 100, heavily medicated, and just fall asleep and not wake up - that's how I want it to go.)  So, let's say that I have a good 40 to 60 years to live.

These are innocuous, but sinister big-ass mochas.

Well, I have surely done a lot of fucking up in the first half of my life.  I wonder if I can overcome so many of those things?  For one - will I ever be able to lose weight and look sexy again?  I am so weak from panic attacks and agoraphobia, a very bad back, and my pure & unadulterated love for Mochas, smoking, and not moving.  Can that be reversed?  If I haven't yet had the will - where will that will come from?  Does becoming 40 give you a renewed sense of willpower?  Or does that only happen when you find out that your husband and you have grown apart, or worse; that your husband has had an emotional or physical affair with another woman?  (I believe an emotional affair is just as horrific to endure for the injured party.)

For the first time in my life, since I was a child, I have a dog that means more to me than myself.  That's something that a 40 year old woman would say, but I just love that dog.  She sleeps with me and never elbows me in the middle of the night.  She conforms her body to mine in The Boat (that place where your knees bend when you're lying on your side) and we keep each other warm, and I like to believe that when she's sleeping on a chair (as she is right now next to me - in a big comfy red leather chair, not some piece of crap chair - only the best for my baby) that she's not sleeping as well as she (or I) is sleeping when she's in The Boat.  She also loves to protect me.  She wants to maul the UPS man even though I've introduced her to him a dozen times, and yet my cats will simply stare at him from their perch on my roof.  (Yes.  On my roof.  That's how much they 'care' about anything.)

Please note that probably NO 20 or 30 something-year old woman would ever talk about their dog this way.  This is the behavior of a woman who is aged, at least to the point of 'almost turning 40.'  God help me - what will it be like when I'm 50?  I hope I won't have 3 dogs.  Imagine the cost in treats alone!  My Social Security Benefits aren't going to cover that!  I'll likely need 12 medications for varying illnesses by then!  (God, please ... just, no?)

At 40, will I become an organized, mature woman?  I just don't see that happening.  I mean, it's not like I need a craft room since I don't do...oh my God - I'm not going to start doing crafts am I???  That's what old women do!  No.  Just no.  As I was saying, I don't have a craft room that's cluttered.  I just have a whole house that's cluttered.  Now, will turning 40 fix that?  Will I have to start buying O magazine, or Better Homes & Garden?  Right now my husband embraces his old age (41) and subscribes to Sunset magazine.  Just the NAME of it sounds like an old-person's home!!  Sunset.  What the hell is he acting so old for?  I hope that doesn't happen to me.  Sunset magazine is a west-coast magazine that tells you about all these great things you can do on the west coast when you don't have kids.  Again, we have an 8 1/2 year old son.  I sometimes worry about his perspective.  (My husband's - not my son's...My son knows exactly what he wants and does it all the time.  He is very happily living the life of an 8 year old boy.)

I have to really start worrying about my cholesterol and glucose now.  I take a medication that elevates both.  Nice, huh?  Well, I'm working to wean off of that and take it as-needed, but I'm about six months from that point, and I wonder what damage has already been done, considering that I've taken this medication for 2 years and didn't know there'd be these side effects.  2 years ago my blood was perfect, but now it's the blood of a 40-year-old.  Oh, to have 38 year-old blood again.

I'm guessing that, also, by now my face will never NOT look like I'm frowning.  Unfortunately, I've had a problem with smiling ever since my teenage years, and so my mouth is in the permanent shape of a frown.  I think that's very sad.  Yes, this is very devastating to me.  I always thought I'd have a chance to retrain my face before it got too late; I suppose 40 is too late.  Perhaps there's a "procedure" I can undergo to make it look less like a frown and more like a non-emotional face, unless I am actually smiling.  I'm certain there is, but I'm not certain I'll be able to afford that in my lifetime.  I'm still a renter.

I suppose I could always lie and say I was 37.  Who would challenge that?  It's not like I would be saying 32 or 39; which everyone knows are bullshit numbers for 40.  *Sigh.*  I guess it doesn't matter because I'll still know.  Unless my mother lied - which would not be at all unlike her.  She must have gotten pregnant on Valentine's Day of 1970 in order to have me almost exactly nine months later...God.  No, even she wouldn't go to the trouble of falsifying documents throughout my entire life that would otherwise prove that I was born in 1982.  Oh my God.  Where in the HELL was my big sister - who would have still been in my mother's womb on Valentines Day in 1970?  I'm doing some math incorrectly here - give me a second to think about this.  Dawn was born in April of 1970, which means that my parents got it on in August of 1969, right?  August of 69 through April of 1970 my mom was pregnant with Dawn.  If I was born in October of 1971 then I MUST have been conceived in ... oh, yeah - February of 1971.  Oh fuck, I thought for a second I might be my sister Cheri's kid!  (NOOO!!!) Oh thank GOD for math!!!  It always has only one right answer.

Why can't real life be more like math, anyway?  Everything should have a simple, elegant, and reasonable answer to it.  At 40 years of age, shouldn't all of the really hard questions been solved already?  Or is this just the beginning of Advanced Trig?

Fuck.

Also, will I stop swearing so much now that I'm going to be a woman of a certain age?

Well, there you have it.  The things I am thinking about a few days before my 40th birthday.

Billy Chrystal's Quote from City Slickers:  Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so quickly. When you're a teenager you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt and muttering "how come the kids don't call?" By your eighties, you've had a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions?  

I Promise to Post Soon!

Yeah, it's been around 2 years since I posted, but I've been completely worthless during that time. Things are on the mend, however.

Going to Forks, WA today

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InformIT: Security Reference Guide > Evangelizing IT Security: Why is There a Need?

I knew that my ADHD would pay off.

InformIT: Security Reference Guide > Evangelizing IT Security: Why is There a Need?: "t is no secret that many people in the security community have a touch of ADHD (Attention –deficit hyperactivity disorder). While the condition might not be diagnosed for the majority, the skills and talents required by a security professional make having the ability to refocus quickly desirable."

I'm a Gap Junkie

I can't stop buying clothing for my son from Gap. I think ... no, I know it stems from having grown up, all through school, as one of THE worst dressed kids at my school, and not by my own choice, that's for damn sure. It was embarrassing to wear old ugly patched clothing that my sister had worn the year before, or even the year before that.

I know that's not good. I know recycling is good. But, is recycling clothing that's made really terribly good? Why not spend the extra money, and buy it a liiiitle on the big side, and then my son can wear it a long time. Next year I'll sell it on eBay - so there, I'm recycling in my own way. Right?

Anyway, I didn't work on school admission at all today, and I didn't apply for that job I really want either. The closing date on it is the 29th of September, so I'm postponing. I'm thinking about it a lot, though. I don't want to rush into it unprepared and write a lame-ass resume and cover letter. I've worked for people like this before and they read through bullshit insanely quickly. No shortcuts allowed in this situation.

K. One more cigarette and then I'm going to bed. I shouldn't have had coffee tonight - I guess I'd be sleepier. It's going to be impossible to get AJ up and out of the house at 6 AM - it's 10:20 now and he's watching Speed Racer (which wasn't my idea.)

My husband is too stressed, and too busy, and has too many things to do to help me think about how to do a project for the Obama campaign, so I guess I'm on my own there, too. Just like with school, work, emotions, ... everything. Feeling a lot like I'm a bother lately, and very much on my own with most things.

No - I don't clean the house, don't cook dinner - I'm hella tired, emotionally and physically, and there's other stuff...but I don't think I should have to go solo on everything. He's even said that he can't be my support person at this point because he's got nothing left to give. (Referring to my anxiety disorder.) He does do his best, but his best is at the point where he doesn't have anything left to give anyone except Perkins Coie.

Life is sucking hard lately.

At least I'm talking to my sister again. I've missed her.

And the bitch/rant session ends.

Go Obama. Please, if people are so stupid to support McCain then they might believe this - "McCain WANTS you to vote for Obama. He really does. He even asked God about it."

Nothing to Say

Enrolling in school. The paperwork sucks. Maybe completing all of that is part of a secret exam of being accepted.

I'm so fucking bored.

There's nothing new on the political front.

I can't find anything on the web to interest me, and I don't even want to play Warcraft.

Oh, but I did find a job to apply for that's only 1.5 miles --- 5 whole minutes from my house.

We'll see how that goes.

Memorial Day 08

Thasssright. I went and found snow. No picnics, bbq's, blah blah - figured that the irony of eating a pancake dinner while looking up at the remnants of winter on the ski slopes would be so much more memorable. The kids had fun - and at least we did something different.

What the hell is wrong with people?

Barack Obama can not lose the primary. I mean - arithmetically - he can NOT lose it. Why does Hillary continue to keep this shit up? And why the fuck do people vote for her fake-ass? I just want to scream at them - "ARE YOU THAT STUPID??? SHE'S LYING TO GET YOUR VOTE YOU FUCKING MORONS!!!!" Honestly, I really can't fucking stand this political shit anymore because it reminds me of how many idiots there are in the world. That McCain supporters even exist - the upper-middle-class and under people - boggles my fucking mind. Morons.

I need to go away tomorrow, but I will be home alone the entire day. Venti has to take the two teens to finish moving out of that house. I can't go because I'm lazy and useless, and nobody wants AJ around so I have to watch him.

If I wasn't afraid - I could get on the ferry with him, go to the office, get the four tickets to the Seattle Art Museum, and take him there. But I am. I'm afraid of so much -and that would be the biggest thing I've done by myself since I was 16 years old.

I have to get off of my brand new laptop now. That I paid for. Mine. It's even pink. Because Tall got a computer game that doesn't work on his computer.

I'm not happy.

Stay Away From Seattle

I dropped a spent cigarette out my window onto the ferry terminal parking lot. I was so exhausted, and so sick to my stomach - and so I closed my eye and leaned against the window with my elbow. A cop SLAMS his fist against my window - nearly causing me a heart attack, and so I roll down my window. He says "Pick up that cigarette. It's lit." I said "uhmm....okay...." (terrified!!!)...and as I open the door he fucking says "OR I CAN GIVE YOU A $950 FINE!!! KEEP YOUR CIGARETTES OFF OUR PARKING LOT." (Dave made no comment. My comment - after I was done being in shock after like 3 minutes - was - "That JUST may have been the straw that broke the camel's back." - meaning, I'm ready to quit my job, I'm sick of the city, even the cops are major assholes to joe-middle-class person.)

So I was a mental case all the way home. This - after a really rough day at work.

I can't stop thinking about it, though. He waited and knew I was going to drop that cigarette, and then he ran back up the aisle with the explosives/drug sniffing dog to bitch me out. NOTE: He did NOT finish examining all of the cars. Nice, huh? Point 2; a couple of months ago my son picked up a USED syringe that still had remnants of heroin in it. Probably 25 feet from where we were parked tonight. I don't know...I just think he could have been doing something a little more productive, like looking for terrorists or druggies. Just a thought.

And my job really does still suck. I know that this is life, but they keep changing the rules...they keep changing my job duties. I STILL haven't learned a goddamn thing about being a legal secretary. I sit and do invoices and get bitched at - or about - for 7.5 hours a day for shitty pay. Top 100 places to work - BULLLLLSHITTTTT. Nobody asked my opinion on that one.

I want to stay at home again. I'm starting to hate the fucking world. EVERYONE is two-faced, everyone is out to get ahead, and nobody hesitates to heave blame my way when something is fucked up.

Add to that my twisted feet (from when I fell down the steps and landed on my feet (which bent forward), and then my left wrist, then my knees, and finally my ass) - still hurts like a bitch. I went to the doctor again over the weekend (which sucked, too), and he x-rayed it. Nothing broken...but I got an ankle brace and a note saying I need to wear tennis shoes to accommodate the brace. Woot. (Sarcasm.) I'm glad it's not broken, but I wish he would have given me something for the fucking intense pain I have at the end of the day. I swear it feels like my ankle is just going to disintegrate. :(

So, anyway...to add to this glory...I'm sick - as everyone else on my floor seems to be, and I'm so fucking worn out it's not even funny. The stress is SO bad that for the first time in my life I missed "it" - entirely. That's fucked up. The depression or anxiety or whatever it is of working there, and working so far from home, and being so broke after all of that effort - is giving me massive STUFF MY FACE cravings. I must have put on 40 pounds. Oh - and this is cute, my ex-husband will be here in a week to see our son sing. Won't I just look like shit compared to hi s 24 year old wife - who is currently in Iraq - and skinny, and happy. Ugh. I could puke. (literally.)

Okay, so nothing is good, nothing is right, and I miss so much about my old life. I could cry. (And do.)

Oh - hey, if anyone reads this...I need a female mentor...one is who smart, thin, and willing to get me that way. I'll do whatever you say except for drugs. I need more to my life than shit. Please. I'm begging you.

respect

respect: "I fail to see how getting a cup of coffee for our boss or a client in any way diminishes us as persons. In my opinion the person who deserves no respect is the one who thinks he/she is too good for such menial tasks."

I totally disagree with this statement. It's a new age, and lawyers "of a certain age" (as well as their legal secretaries) are on the way out...I will not get a cup of coffee for any attorney. Fuck that. I'll support them in any other way possible, but get a cup of coffee for them? Uhm...I don't think so.

The legal secretary who wrote that I deserve no respect for thinking I'm too good for such a menial task as getting a cup of coffee is a dinosaur. This is why nobody wants to grow up to be a legal secretary anymore...that's what their perception of the position is. I want to be a legal secretary - and I want respect, which I am earning, but if someone wants a cup of coffee they can get it their damn self.

My Job Hurts People

I work at a law firm, so that's not particularly surprising - but I believe fully, 100% without a doubt, that the level of stress, hatred, and ruthlessness causes people to become physically and emotionally ill. We have two legal secretaries who are out on extended sick leave - one with mono, which you generally catch only when you're run down. Everyone there is run down to nothing, though. I'm surprised we all didn't catch it. Another legal secretary caught it (making that three out) but got a milder case of it, and was back to work within a few days.

People cry daily in our department. People have panic attacks daily in our department. The words "fucking bitch" are spoken daily, as well. Many times, in fact. And don't take this as a limitation to just me and my co-worker in the next desk - oh, no...it's the entire floor that consists of the Trademark Department. The stress if phenomenal - because the people make it that way. Not the work - which isn't difficult, but the people. And definitely a select few people.

My HR person couldn't even help me so she set me up with someone deeper into helping with situations like this...Tracy. Tracy suggested that I buy a book called The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized WOrkplace and Surviving One That Isn't

That's how bad it is. Anyway, I ordered the book immediately. I should get it next week. I hope to God it helps because I,personally, have been doing nothing but panicking and crying for the past two weeks. I even got drunk off my ass last night - doing shots of cheap vodka like I was in college or something, and felt great for the first time in weeks. (Then, of course, I woke up feeling like someone had wrapped barbed wire around my head and was pulling it tighter and tighter - AND having a major panic attack. I guess I'd asked for that, though.)

On a lighter - non related note - I got two kittens who are just absolutely adorable to the point where it's almost sickening to look at them. I just love them both so much already :) They make me happy in a world designed to make people feel like complete and utter shit.

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Did I Say My New Job Was Cool? I'm A Dweeb.

Okay, so is there always ONE psychotic bitch in every department of every business in every locale of the planet??? She's out to get everyone, and today it was my turn. The fucking bitch made me cry - she was SO callous, so condescending! I was so shocked that someone would have the nerve to talk to a coworker like that. It was so unprofessional, and ... it really hurt my feelings. So, I immediately went out to smoke a cigarette and fortunately the girl (20 years old, and very nice) followed me and gave me a pep talk. I still don't know what to do, but it was nice to hear from her that I was doing a great job, and that this evil bitch really does hate everyone. I was also warned that she will try to sabotage me - FOR REAL!! What the FUCK is that shit? What is this? Junior High???

Ugh.

So, anyway, on a lighter note I went to a dance club/bar/casino on Saturday night and had a total fucking blast. I even had 1/2 of a drink and got totally fucked up on it. I didn't dance, and I didn't win any money, but I did - I had so much fun it was ridiculous. I want to go every weekend forever!!!

My sister will be here in less than a month, but I don't know if I can take any days off of work considering that the first 90 days is SO important. I've not heard of anyone who's had a good 90 day review because of bitch-lady aforementioned. Wench. I really, really wanted to take the day before and of my birthday off so I could see my sister as much as humanly possible, but now I don't know what's going to happen. Well, no matter what I'll at least finally - after 2 1/2 years - get to see her.

I'm so emotionally exhausted from dealing with my psychiatrist about the xanax issue. I no longer want to stop taking it - my goal has changed. Now I just want to make it through the day without freaking out. I ran out of xanax early and had to call Dr. Asshole/Psychiatrist, and he was a snot to me on the phone saying that I should never ever take xanax unless it's my regular dose time. Uhmmm...nooooo. God he was a prick. He gave me 12 tablets to get through until I see him on Friday...asshole. I'll be finding a new psychiatrist immediately, of course. THe problem is that I have to face him and talk to him and acquiesce just so he'll refill the goddamn prescription. AAaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgh.

I am so fucking frustrated with EVERYTHING.

AND I got a big-ass cut on my hand today, smacked my elbow HARD, and wore uncomfortable shoes. :(

Tomorrow's gotta be better. GOT TO BE.

Last Day on the Job - Start Anew Monday

Being in my new office is really cool, except that I don't know what I actually need in it yet. It's still got stuff from the last resident in it - and stuff from other people, so really - I have no clue what's mine to deal with or move. And the jerks took my printer, so I won't get one until Monday'ish. Ugh.

I spent all of the last three days training new guy how to do my job, and he still doesn't know. It's frustrating. He seriously did not take ONE single note. Nothing. I know he's not going to work out for decaf-boss...ooh, I mean decaf-ex-boss!

I'll spend most of next week in training meetings, which is cool. Not much thinking, and not much work, but full pay. (Major thumbs up.)

Going fishing this weekend and hoping to catch some salmon.

Boring blog post. I know.

September And Time To Update

Okay, so I have no real clue when I last updated my blog.

My cat, pictured in the post below, was hit by a car last month -that sucks. I really loved her a lot. She was a wonderful cat.

Okay, so work...I've been at my job for almost 14 months now. My boss was getting really pissy with me one day and so I applied for a department assistant position in the Trademark Department - and got it! I really impressed everyone that I talked to, and they kept my pay the same - but I get 15 PTO days, and 9 or 10 holidays paid a year. How awesome. Oh, and free benefits, which is excellent! :) In effect, it's like a $520/mo raise. I start on September 10th. No more freelancer for me - I'm a full-fledged employee! WOOT!!!

I'm going to miss Pam and Candace, but I'm sure I'll still talk to them every day. I don't know what Pam's going to do - but I think she's ready to start looking for a full time position at this point, too. (She's on jury duty this week, though, so that sucks for her...see, she won't get paid for that because she's a freelancer. So not fair.)

Diet-wise...yeah, not going great. I was doing great for a whole month and then we had our company picnic, so I cheated all that day - which led to my going off the diet. I wasn't losing weight anyway, which really pissed me off. All that work and like, nothing!?! I'm still walking A LOT, though, so at least I'm keeping steady'ish at the weight I am now...it doesn't help that Lexapro is adding a pound or so a month. I hate that. I want off of it. Grrrr.

Grande lives with me again...he has since four months after he left, so that's - what - April? Yeah, I guess he's been back for five months or so. He had a job cleaning ultrasound equipment, but quit that last week because the guy cut his pay two dollars an hour and it was only 12 hours a week. Hopefully he'll find something soon. He also bought a car. (Now he just needs a license and a job, so he can pay for the insurance and gas.) He's doing okay. Well, other than him passing out all the time. He says it happens once or twice a week. We took him to the doctor on Thursday. He seemed in perfect shape...his blood pressure was low'ish, but not too low (but he was nervous so it may have been artificially elevated.) His EKG was perfect, too. The doctor ordered a heart monitor called King of Hearts that he'll wear for three weeks - he's supposed to press a button when he passes out. I just don't know how I'll get him to wear it. And - no, this passing out has NEVER happened in my presence OR Tall's presence. I am really concerned about it. :(

I hate when my babies aren't feeling 100%. :(

Hmmm...ex-husband got married to a 24-year-old lesbian. She's in Iraq at the moment. The kids really like her, though - she seems nice enough from what I've heard. It's really sad to marry a guy when you're a lesbian, though - I mean, talk about living a lie...how do you ever get out of that??? Sad. Of course, I've wondered about Rich's sexual orientation for almost 20 years so who the hell knows.

Venti and I are doing well, though...neither of us are gay LOL - so there's that! :) We had a wonderful 5th Wedding Anniversary. We stayed at a hotel and casino, and just basically did what you'd expect, and had a great time doing it. I do love that man. Mmmm...

Let's see, what else...I'm working my way off of my meds for my panic attacks. I'm 1/2 way there almost. It's been VERY difficult. I'm still not driving, but trying - also very difficult. I'm still seeing the same psychologist, but not doing my homework, so it's my fault that I'm not further along - certainly not his.

My sister and her husband are coming to visit me in October - that will be incredibly awesome. :) I can't wait - only six weeks away, and she's already bought the tickets! I wish my mom would have agreed to come with, though. I really miss her, too!

Shit, I'm supposed to be in bed. I hate the commute still. Ugh. I'm still really torn about whether or not to move to the Seattle side. We've recently become "into" fishing for salmon - and it's so convenient to just drive for 1/2 hour and be at a nice beach ... in three weekends we haven't actually caught anything, but I know our luck will change :)

We went to a Labor Day picnic last night with Venti's friend (and mine) J-Decaf. We had a really good time, but left after 2 hours. I'd love to live in a neighborhood where there were block parties...it must be so nice to have neighbors who aren't total assholes. Or ... well, just neighbors.

Okay, off to bed for me. I dyed my hair "cherry bomb" (brownish pinkish reddish) and then put lighter streaks in it. It looks really cool, I think, but I always get nervous about going to work the day after I do something dramatic with my hair.

I Got A Tattoo!

I can't believe it - I'm so thrilled! It didn't even hurt :) It's right over my heart, and it's the Chinese symbol for love, and surrounding it is Venti's, Grande's, Tall's, and Short's astrological symbols. It's black with a purple drop-shadow on the smaller symbols. I LOVE IT!!! I'll post a picture as soon as it's healed!