It's 2pm and I haven't had any coffee. My head is pounding despite the 4 Advil I took a while ago. It is Sunday, and as of this time I have had no actual weekend to speak of. Well, other than the fact that I didn't go to work - that's the only thing that marks it as a weekend.
I'm tired. Always tired. I work too far away, and don't know if I ever want to move to Seattle - north of Seattle, or east of Seattle. I like it where I live. I love my job. It's taking years off of my life commuting the way we do. So what are my options? Rhetorical question. NRN.
My son told me today that my ex-husband wants to tell me "himself" that he is getting married next month. His fiance is 6 years older than our son. I could literaly vomit. Why does my son like to gossip so much. If ex-husband wanted to tell me he was getting married then why didn't my son just let HIM tell me. I know he was looking for a response. Mine was - and I quote - "LOL".
My original thought was "I wonder if this means he'll never come out of the closet." My second thought was "Well, at least he can't marry my sister." My third thought was "LOL". At least there weren't any horrifying feelings of crushedness. I was kind of expecting that, but there weren't. Kind of cool. Growth is a cool thing.
I haven't spoken to my mom or sister in a long time. That bugs me. I've done nothing wrong, nothing at all, and yet I'm being villianized. Somehow they've turned me into this monster - and my son is there, right there - to soak up all that negativity about me. Fucking bastards.
So, I've got a 3 more days until its' been 6 months at my job. I hope I get a review and a raise, but being denoted as a 'freelancer' I'm not holding my breath. I've been looking at staff job postings but nothing of interest has yet to come up. As soon as it does I will apply so I can start getting benefits - like less expensive insurance and PTO accrual. Very nice. Oh, and the 5% December 15th bonus - also very nice. If my husband and I both got that things would be very sweet for Christmas this year.
I hate not having a weekend. Hate it with a passion. Last week was hellish long, and I only worked 3 days of it because of MLK day and a snow day. I needed a real weekend, and am not getting one. Grrrrrrr.
Panic attacks are getting better, though. My therapist is really great. Yesterday I have a level 10 panic attack that I personally wrestled down to a level 2 in under 10 minutes. Very interesting. No need for medicine, either. Life is changing for the better.
Now...if I could just afford to go back on a low-carb diet and lose all the weight I just regained after losing so much I'll be much happier.
Gotta go. My coffee ride is here.
