Can't Handle This Anymore

Just said good morning to my boss, but it's not. I just sent an email to my psychologist's office telling them to cancel all of my future appointments. The only reason I've been able to keep my job and believe in myself and have a teeny shred of dignity is because of that psychologist telling me that I CAN do this shit. And obviously I can't because I want nothing more than to get up out of this chair, walk to the ferry, and go home for good. My working costs us money in the end - how fucked up is that? I've never, ever, ever in my life been this poor. How does your bank account go SO negative only a few days after fucking payday??? We're not even fucking spending any money on frills! OMG, wait - we went to see a fucking movie last weekend. Good God, are we insane??

I just don't get it. How do people make life work? How do they avoid their daycare check bouncing? How do they avoid $1000 a month daycare to begin with??? Shit, that's more than half of what I made last month...and my paycheck coming up next week will be a small one, too. nice, huh? NO - it's NOT FUCKING NICE. It feels awful.

No money. No money. No money.

Okay. I have to try harder. SOmeone has to. But I can't. And everyone is trying harder, I shouldn't say they aren't - but what can I fucking do??? 2nd job is the only thing I can think of so I'm going to start looking for that today. If we only lived closer to work then I'd have more time to work at a second job. I could start at 6 or whatever and work until 10 or 11. But no. Can't live closer. Kids don't want that because it would ruin their lives because of school and their friends - and hell, we don't have the money to cover move-in costs or renting a u-haul truck anyway.

So we're fucked. In every direction - and it's not fun.

And I smile and wave - smile and wave - people keep saying Gooood morning!!!! And I smile and wave.

This fucking blows.

And you know what? I really love this job. I don't want to lose it. But it doesn't pay enough. Not nearly.

My eyes are brimming with tears on this joyous day.

My Son Made Me Laugh - a nearly impossible thing to do

Grande: i got mad and kicked my computer and it was so dramatic, the screen turned red, the blue screen came on, it made a funny grinding sound, then restarted. i was like omg, drama much?? thats what u get for freezing on me. i really need a mac.
this was a few hours ago...