What's the sound of 3 teenagers laughing their asses off? Truthfully, it's the sound of 4 other people in the house going insane. Or, okay, maybe just 2 of those other people - the adults. Certainly, at least 1 of the adults, and that would be me.
I can hear their laughter - not seeping - but slamming up through the floor boards and it's like nails on a chalkboard. I want to just go down there and smack all three of them and tell them that SHIT IS JUST NOT FUNNY RIGHT NOW!!! Go get jobs. Stop smoking in my house. Stop stealing my cigarettes, which I'm now almost out of. Stop stealing shit from Walmart. PLEASE STOP LAUGHING.
I had to dig through my entire house tonight for change. We took it to one of those coinstar machines and got $13.42 from it. We spent $2 on a gallon of milk and put $10 in gas in the car, and now we have 42 cents. (Dave bought a lottery ticket.) This .42 will have to fucking last us until Wednesday night when we can write a check at the grocery store and ask for cash back.
All fucking day the kids have been going up to Walmart and buying junk food, and I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch...so I had a roast in the crockpot and suddenly all of them want to eat it. Now there's none left for lunch for Dave and me tomorrow. NOTHING TO LAUGH ABOUT!!!
I feel too stressed to keep dieting. I've lost 30 pounds - can't I be done now? I gained almost 5 pounds over the weekend and didn't even cheat...hell, I could have had a massive cheat day and gained 5 pounds the fun way. Of course, we had no money so it would have been a lousy cheat day anyway. But 5 fucking pounds? Really God? Did I need that?
And then someone from StumbleUpon called me ugly. "So. You're ugly. Wow." is what they said about my picture. No - that didn't hurt like hell... no, no ... why WOULD IT?? Why would someone just say something like that? I don't have my picture on StumbleUpon as a fucking way to meet fuck-buddies or even friends - just an avatar to say "Hey, this is who is ranking these pages." Asshole! Did I need this today? NO!
My nephew is never going to get out of here. I just know it. I could cry. I've TRIED to cry, but the fucking tears won't come anymore.
I can't believe he smoked at least 1/3rd of my pack of cigarettes. Who does that? Who just goes into someones things and takes whatever they want? My cigarettes, my xanax, my cellphone...doesn't matter...nothing I have belongs to me anymore.
Saw a mouse outside tonight. Fuck. I hate mice. It's Spring now so I suppose snakes are next. I was intrigued to learn that Ireland has no snakes, and so right about now Ireland is sounding really fucking good. Far away, cool, no snakes, no lying/stealing/cheating drug dealers in my FUCKING HOUSE!!!!!!!
I think it's time to email my sister and flip the fuck out. She wonders why I don't write very often since her son got here...can you imagine what I REALLY want to say to her? The worst part is that she knew about all of the bad things he's into, and yet she sent him here anyway. How low can she get? I suppose sleeping with my ex-husband wasn't low enough. Ugh.
Speaking of my ex-husband, he's got a picture on his myspace.com blog which was taken about ten days ago. Its caption is " Ahhhh!!! Key West....." and shows him leaning back on the back railing of a boat. This is where we went on our honeymoon, except he never took me out in a boat. All the way to Florida - 24 hour drive - never even got in the water. Then his mom sneaks my little boy to the doctor and calls us and tells us that he need surgery IMMEDIATELY on his eyes - so we leave our honeymoon early and drive back home (24 hours straight) - and it turns out he didn't need surgery right away...he had it several months later.
I fucking hate my life.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
First Day of Spring
I think it is, anyway. It sucks that I didn't really get to see any snow this year. I'm just really not a fan of living somewhere where it never snows. It just sucks.
Nada Decaf is still living in my basement with his girlfriend, and they aren't doing anything to try and get jobs or a place to live. I'm at a loss. I feel like I have nothing left in me to try and deal with this shit. Nobody listens to a word I say. I try to help and I get ignored and I HATE that feeling because it's so reminiscent of when I was married to Fucktard-Decaf. I hate being ignored and pushed to the side.
My diet isn't going well. I haven't cheated and I've gained weight. I feel huge. Venti keeps losing and losing and I just can't do anything right to lose weight. I just don't get why I gained for no reason. I think I'll give this diet a few more weeks (at best) and if I'm still not losing I'm just gonna go off of it and give up, and just be fat for the rest of my life. Soon it will be 3 months on Atkins and I really had hoped things would go better.
It sure would be nice to hit the lottery tonight. I think it's up to 78 million. I could get away from here far and fast with that kind of money.
Nada Decaf is still living in my basement with his girlfriend, and they aren't doing anything to try and get jobs or a place to live. I'm at a loss. I feel like I have nothing left in me to try and deal with this shit. Nobody listens to a word I say. I try to help and I get ignored and I HATE that feeling because it's so reminiscent of when I was married to Fucktard-Decaf. I hate being ignored and pushed to the side.
My diet isn't going well. I haven't cheated and I've gained weight. I feel huge. Venti keeps losing and losing and I just can't do anything right to lose weight. I just don't get why I gained for no reason. I think I'll give this diet a few more weeks (at best) and if I'm still not losing I'm just gonna go off of it and give up, and just be fat for the rest of my life. Soon it will be 3 months on Atkins and I really had hoped things would go better.
It sure would be nice to hit the lottery tonight. I think it's up to 78 million. I could get away from here far and fast with that kind of money.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Mid March Post
Nothing much of interest to post. I'll give it a whirl, though.
Nada Decaf (the nephew) is still here. He's smoking in the house - driving me nuts. He's sucking down Short Decaf's chocolate syrup for his chocolate milk like it's going out of style. I just bought a bottle of it yesterday (with 2 free extra ounces) and it's half gone already. Nice, huh? Shithead. He's eating our low-carb food, too. I don't know how he doesn't get a fucking clue that the bacon is off-limits.
Yes, Venti and I are still on the Atkins diet. Together we've lost 65 pounds. I've been stalled for a few days, but not unhappy with where I am. I know I'll start losing again soon. I just hate being stalled - especially when Venti is hitting new lows on the scale.
We're doing so well. At this point I bet in another 2 1/2 months (as long as we've been low-carbing) we'll both look and feel absolutely fantastic. I know we won't lose double what we have now, but I know we'll both feel really good. It's got to be at least 20 pounds more that we'll lose in that time - and man, I'm going to feel SO good about that.
I'm just waiting for an episode of Little Bear to be over so me and Short Decaf can go to bed. Another five minutes. I am so tireddddd.
I might be getting a part time job for a friend's web design company. We shall see how that works out. I wonder how much I'd get paid.
My anxiety has been pretty good lately. I've been getting better at driving around - and even a little driving. No panic attacks in a long time (knock on wood) thankfully.
I'm pissed at my sister. She said she'd be sending money for Nada Decaf to live here - but then decided to just send him here with a credit card with a $300 limit (it's in his name.) Well, of course he maxed that card and we only got $80 worth of groceries on it. Then on Sunday she sent $100 - $20 of which went to Nada (who spent it right away - partly on cigarettes, soda and chips.) Ass. I don't know when she's going to send more money. She's really badly in debt (as if we aren't) but she just got foreclosure papers in the mail and is like 4 months behind on her mortgage. Fortunately her payment isn't very high. She'll figure it out - but she shouldn't have said she'd send money if she wasn't going to be able to. I mean - it's not like it just slipped her mind that her mortgage needed to be paid. Now she's avoiding me at all costs. Nice. No calls, emails, or chats. 2 weeks ago we were chatting every day and even using the webcam. Not anymore. I'm sure she'll actually find a way to be pissed at me for all of this. Her son is a failure, a drug dealer, a loser, lazy, shoplifting, uneducated guy who refuses to look for a job or help around the house - although he has NO problem eating everything in sight and assuming that everyone is his servant. He gets so pissed about people disrespecting him - and he's totally fucking disrespecting US.
I hope he gets an apartment this weekend. I have to believe he won't, though. His girlfriend is flying in on Friday morning - supposedly with money, which I will believe it when I see it. They can NOT live here off of us - we just can't afford it financially or emotionally.
Well, enough bitching. Little Bear is over and Short Decaf is asleep on the floor so it's time for bed. Have to be up in 4 hours.
Nada Decaf (the nephew) is still here. He's smoking in the house - driving me nuts. He's sucking down Short Decaf's chocolate syrup for his chocolate milk like it's going out of style. I just bought a bottle of it yesterday (with 2 free extra ounces) and it's half gone already. Nice, huh? Shithead. He's eating our low-carb food, too. I don't know how he doesn't get a fucking clue that the bacon is off-limits.
Yes, Venti and I are still on the Atkins diet. Together we've lost 65 pounds. I've been stalled for a few days, but not unhappy with where I am. I know I'll start losing again soon. I just hate being stalled - especially when Venti is hitting new lows on the scale.
We're doing so well. At this point I bet in another 2 1/2 months (as long as we've been low-carbing) we'll both look and feel absolutely fantastic. I know we won't lose double what we have now, but I know we'll both feel really good. It's got to be at least 20 pounds more that we'll lose in that time - and man, I'm going to feel SO good about that.
I'm just waiting for an episode of Little Bear to be over so me and Short Decaf can go to bed. Another five minutes. I am so tireddddd.
I might be getting a part time job for a friend's web design company. We shall see how that works out. I wonder how much I'd get paid.
My anxiety has been pretty good lately. I've been getting better at driving around - and even a little driving. No panic attacks in a long time (knock on wood) thankfully.
I'm pissed at my sister. She said she'd be sending money for Nada Decaf to live here - but then decided to just send him here with a credit card with a $300 limit (it's in his name.) Well, of course he maxed that card and we only got $80 worth of groceries on it. Then on Sunday she sent $100 - $20 of which went to Nada (who spent it right away - partly on cigarettes, soda and chips.) Ass. I don't know when she's going to send more money. She's really badly in debt (as if we aren't) but she just got foreclosure papers in the mail and is like 4 months behind on her mortgage. Fortunately her payment isn't very high. She'll figure it out - but she shouldn't have said she'd send money if she wasn't going to be able to. I mean - it's not like it just slipped her mind that her mortgage needed to be paid. Now she's avoiding me at all costs. Nice. No calls, emails, or chats. 2 weeks ago we were chatting every day and even using the webcam. Not anymore. I'm sure she'll actually find a way to be pissed at me for all of this. Her son is a failure, a drug dealer, a loser, lazy, shoplifting, uneducated guy who refuses to look for a job or help around the house - although he has NO problem eating everything in sight and assuming that everyone is his servant. He gets so pissed about people disrespecting him - and he's totally fucking disrespecting US.
I hope he gets an apartment this weekend. I have to believe he won't, though. His girlfriend is flying in on Friday morning - supposedly with money, which I will believe it when I see it. They can NOT live here off of us - we just can't afford it financially or emotionally.
Well, enough bitching. Little Bear is over and Short Decaf is asleep on the floor so it's time for bed. Have to be up in 4 hours.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Blogthings - Who Were You In a Past Life?
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Thugs and Gangstas -- Oh My
My nephew lives with us now. I forget what his decaf name is...but anyway, I'll call him Gangsta Decaf because he's such a badass. I wholly regret allowing to have him move in here, and he's only been here for 72 hours. So far he's already admitted to dealing drugs, and he's stolen a video game from Walmart. What should I do about that? Call the police? God - stealing??? He had Tall Decaf with him, for God's sake!!! What does that teach him? Nothing good - but at least Tall was good enough to tell me about it. Shit. Now I don't know what to do. It's worse than I thought it could ever be, and I want him out of my house.
Meanwhile, Grande is not speaking to me - hasn't since Gangsta got here. I do not know why. I tell you - I'm going to talk to Grande tomorrow and tell him that he's got to get a job so that when he turns 18 at the end of the year he'll be prepared to move out. I don't know how he's doing in school (and he only goes once a week to a special program) - I don't know what his plans are other than NOT helping me around the house at-fucking-all. I mean, if he's not going to do schoolwork, and he's just going to sit around the house all fucking day, then why the fuck can't he help me out with it??
He's moved his bedroom into the basement where Gangsta also moved his bedroom. This is after I expended the effort to make sure he had a bedroom upstairs. We got him a queen sized bed, a dresser, sheets, pillowcases, blankets, a lamp, pillows, an alarm clock, a trash can, and a laundry hamper. We got all of these things during our very limited amount of free time, and set it all up so it would be perfect for him. He gets here and moves everything to the fucking basement??? What the fuck?
And THEN - we rented a big SUV to go and pick him up at the airport. We rented it from Saturday morning until Monday morning. Two days. $136.70. We did definitely need it for the trip to the airport to get him, and then we were going to take him over to the city the following day to show him around so he could get to know his new home, right? Well, Sunday morning he didn't want to go anywhere so we wasted that fucking money - AND IT PUT MY FUCKING CARD over the fucking limit!! So - now both cards have a $29 over-the-limit fee. Nice. Nice. Nice. I only went over by $8 - and THAT was because we had to put gas in the giant fucking SUV, so now I...well, it doesn't matter. I'm just getting screwed left and right.
The phone keeps fucking ringing. It just rang now and Venti is in bed trying to sleep. I hope that the bedroom phone's ringer is off. And what the fuck are people 3,000 miles away and 3 hours ahead of us doing calling when it's 2:30 am their time??? I mean, get a clue!!!
Impose much???
I need to keep a running list of why this is not working so that when I kick him out nobody is shocked and goes "but why???" Right now I'm so pissed and stressed I could puke.
UUUuuuugh.
And I was supposed to get a call from a recruiter from Venti's company ... nothing "for sure" - but just putting feelers out there for a job. The woman never called, and if she's been trying she'd be getting a busy signal or Gangsta probably told her I was in bed in the middle of the day. Nice again. I need a job. We need money.
I did just do a website for a friend, but that's only $110. Gee - that might pay my fucking credit cards. Well, it will pay my cell phone and that's it. My cell phone which Gangsta has taken over as his own - and I have to pry it from his hands just to get it at night so I can use it as my alarm clock.
I'm so fucking stupid. I really thought he'd be coming out here to try and make a new and different life. It's not going as planned. He's smoking in my house - I just fucking know it - when I have done everything in my goddamned power to be strong enough to NOT smoke in my house for six fucking months or so.
When will I ever learn? When will I STOP being so naive? When will I STOP letting people like Grande, Gangsta, and my ex walk all over me?? And you just KNOW that if I start saying something that everyone will be like "oh, she just gets like this - she'll shut up soon enough....ignore her and she'll go away."
I'm pissed.
Meanwhile, Grande is not speaking to me - hasn't since Gangsta got here. I do not know why. I tell you - I'm going to talk to Grande tomorrow and tell him that he's got to get a job so that when he turns 18 at the end of the year he'll be prepared to move out. I don't know how he's doing in school (and he only goes once a week to a special program) - I don't know what his plans are other than NOT helping me around the house at-fucking-all. I mean, if he's not going to do schoolwork, and he's just going to sit around the house all fucking day, then why the fuck can't he help me out with it??
He's moved his bedroom into the basement where Gangsta also moved his bedroom. This is after I expended the effort to make sure he had a bedroom upstairs. We got him a queen sized bed, a dresser, sheets, pillowcases, blankets, a lamp, pillows, an alarm clock, a trash can, and a laundry hamper. We got all of these things during our very limited amount of free time, and set it all up so it would be perfect for him. He gets here and moves everything to the fucking basement??? What the fuck?
And THEN - we rented a big SUV to go and pick him up at the airport. We rented it from Saturday morning until Monday morning. Two days. $136.70. We did definitely need it for the trip to the airport to get him, and then we were going to take him over to the city the following day to show him around so he could get to know his new home, right? Well, Sunday morning he didn't want to go anywhere so we wasted that fucking money - AND IT PUT MY FUCKING CARD over the fucking limit!! So - now both cards have a $29 over-the-limit fee. Nice. Nice. Nice. I only went over by $8 - and THAT was because we had to put gas in the giant fucking SUV, so now I...well, it doesn't matter. I'm just getting screwed left and right.
The phone keeps fucking ringing. It just rang now and Venti is in bed trying to sleep. I hope that the bedroom phone's ringer is off. And what the fuck are people 3,000 miles away and 3 hours ahead of us doing calling when it's 2:30 am their time??? I mean, get a clue!!!
Impose much???
I need to keep a running list of why this is not working so that when I kick him out nobody is shocked and goes "but why???" Right now I'm so pissed and stressed I could puke.
UUUuuuugh.
And I was supposed to get a call from a recruiter from Venti's company ... nothing "for sure" - but just putting feelers out there for a job. The woman never called, and if she's been trying she'd be getting a busy signal or Gangsta probably told her I was in bed in the middle of the day. Nice again. I need a job. We need money.
I did just do a website for a friend, but that's only $110. Gee - that might pay my fucking credit cards. Well, it will pay my cell phone and that's it. My cell phone which Gangsta has taken over as his own - and I have to pry it from his hands just to get it at night so I can use it as my alarm clock.
I'm so fucking stupid. I really thought he'd be coming out here to try and make a new and different life. It's not going as planned. He's smoking in my house - I just fucking know it - when I have done everything in my goddamned power to be strong enough to NOT smoke in my house for six fucking months or so.
When will I ever learn? When will I STOP being so naive? When will I STOP letting people like Grande, Gangsta, and my ex walk all over me?? And you just KNOW that if I start saying something that everyone will be like "oh, she just gets like this - she'll shut up soon enough....ignore her and she'll go away."
I'm pissed.
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