Chronogram - Bush for President: "However, I actually feel it's important that Bush be in the White House for the next four years (likely fewer) so that when the web of lies and crimes finally falls apart, he and his people are standing there holding the bag. If there is going to be any kind of national healing that comes in the wake of everything we've witnessed since the stolen election of 2000, the highly convenient September 11th 'intelligence failures,' and the resulting fraudulent wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the resolution needs to happen in a visible way in which the people who are actually responsible are the ones held accountable.
Essentially, if Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, and others clear out of Washington and head back to their posh corporate jobs and million-acre ranches, they got away with it.
We will lose an opportunity to bring the karma of what has happened to some kind of closure. We will lose an opportunity to take responsibility for allowing them to do what they did. We will lose an opportunity to face the effects of our mistakes and disinterest in politics and of our compulsion to believe lies. And those people who have ardently supported Bush and Cheney and their policies will lose an opportunity to watch - and feel - what happens when the lid is pulled off their scam. I have every faith that there will be reckoning, but only if Bush takes office again."
Friday, December 31, 2004
Knock it off!! I'm protected be-atch!
I got a reminder from my Yahoo! calendar yesterday about a class at Esoterica, a great little store in town. I could live in this store and not just because it always smells like sandalwood or sage, but because it feels very much like 'home' should feel.
The class reminder was a part of a series of classes and unfortunately I missed the first two, however, I called and of course it was no problem to sign up for it giving only 3 hours notice. (I love those people.) Since I was having a major panic attack all day (which is why I'm still awake) I wasn't sure I was going to be able to handle being at a class full of people I didn't know for 3 whole hours. Venti drove me and we sat outside of the store (hot damn, we got a parking space on the street and didn't have to use the stupid garage.) When I say we sat outside of the store, I mean - for like 25 minutes.
Should I go? Shouldn't I? Am I too anxious or can I manage to pull this off? My anxiety increased the longer I sat there, chainsmoking and worrying so eventually - at 10 of, I asked Venti to go in with me just for a second - at least until I paid for the class. (Five bucks.) Kind of like a 'fuck it' attitude. I figured if I was going to be panicking all fucking night anyway, I might as well be doing something interesting at the same time.
Thank God Venti did go inside with me - they don't take plastic for anything under $15 and he had the cash. Thinking back, duh - I could have written a check. Anyway, he left right after that and I was going to wander around looking at crystals, statues, clothing, stones, books, etc., but instead I spotted a guy I'd spoken with the last time I was at the store, his name is Ron.
Ron and I stood outside and smoked and talked about his e-book about sex, handwriting analysis and my panic attacks until 7:30 (which was when the class actually started.) I told Ron, who reminds me so much of my dad - in personality, not appearance - that if I panicked during the class I was going to find him and he could maybe help me out. He laughed and said I'd be fine.
The class consisted of eight people, plus the instructor - who also happened to be my Reiki Master (the chick who taught me Reiki.) It was a bit bigger of a class than she (or I) had anticipated and so I made sure to sit right by the exit of the gazebo/classroom so I could bolt out into the store if I had a panic attack.
You should know that I am Wiccan, which makes me a witch (think what you will.) The class description was this...
So, as I said earlier, I was panicking the entire time we were learning about protective magick. I even wrote in my BoS - between "Burning candle down to water level..." and "Symbols I pressed into my amulet" DEAR UNIVERSE PLEASE TAKE THIS PANIC ATTACK AWAY. At one point, I bolted from my seat and went out into the store and there stood Ron, thank God. I said, "I can't do it, I'm panicking - can you tell?" He said not in my body, but in my eyes. So I took a deep breath, smiled, and went back in. At that point it was time to make the amulet out of this weird but really cool clay that stays soft until you bake it in an oven - or in this case, a toaster oven, for fifteen minutes. I made mine in the shape of a triangle with the Cho Ku Rei symbol on one side, and my personal symbol on the other. (It's a secret.) Before I shaped it, I mashed up Rosemary, Sage and Mugwort and kneaded it into the clay for more protective properties, punched a hole through it, gave it to Reiki Decaf, and jacks-a-donut, fifteen minutes later I had my amulet. I must say it's pretty cool.
While I was waiting for it to bake, I asked Reiki Decaf if it would be okay if I went and got a drink - she invited everyone to do the same thing, thank God. I took a xanax and hoped that because I hadn't eaten, it would work a helluva lot faster than usual - which, not surprisingly, it did. So - by the end of the evening, I had my amulet and I was oh-so-very mellow. How the FUCK come I couldn't be mellow enough to enjoy the class until it was over? UGH. At least I got printed out notes to take home so I could learn whatever I missed when I ran out of the gazebo panicking.
So, I'm going to next weeks workshop, too. That one ought to be really cool as well, and still - only five bucks.
I panicked all day because it was the 4th year anniversary of my dad passing away quite suddenly, without warning, out of the blue, in his sleep. Very traumatic. I miss my dad. A lot.
The class reminder was a part of a series of classes and unfortunately I missed the first two, however, I called and of course it was no problem to sign up for it giving only 3 hours notice. (I love those people.) Since I was having a major panic attack all day (which is why I'm still awake) I wasn't sure I was going to be able to handle being at a class full of people I didn't know for 3 whole hours. Venti drove me and we sat outside of the store (hot damn, we got a parking space on the street and didn't have to use the stupid garage.) When I say we sat outside of the store, I mean - for like 25 minutes.
Should I go? Shouldn't I? Am I too anxious or can I manage to pull this off? My anxiety increased the longer I sat there, chainsmoking and worrying so eventually - at 10 of, I asked Venti to go in with me just for a second - at least until I paid for the class. (Five bucks.) Kind of like a 'fuck it' attitude. I figured if I was going to be panicking all fucking night anyway, I might as well be doing something interesting at the same time.
Thank God Venti did go inside with me - they don't take plastic for anything under $15 and he had the cash. Thinking back, duh - I could have written a check. Anyway, he left right after that and I was going to wander around looking at crystals, statues, clothing, stones, books, etc., but instead I spotted a guy I'd spoken with the last time I was at the store, his name is Ron.
Ron and I stood outside and smoked and talked about his e-book about sex, handwriting analysis and my panic attacks until 7:30 (which was when the class actually started.) I told Ron, who reminds me so much of my dad - in personality, not appearance - that if I panicked during the class I was going to find him and he could maybe help me out. He laughed and said I'd be fine.
The class consisted of eight people, plus the instructor - who also happened to be my Reiki Master (the chick who taught me Reiki.) It was a bit bigger of a class than she (or I) had anticipated and so I made sure to sit right by the exit of the gazebo/classroom so I could bolt out into the store if I had a panic attack.
You should know that I am Wiccan, which makes me a witch (think what you will.) The class description was this...
Magickal ProtectionI brought my brand spankin new BoS because I was NOT going to show up with a fucking legal pad and look like a dork. I've been Wiccan since 1997 and to not have a Book of Shadows is utterly ridiculous - so I emailed Venti at work and asked him to stop at Borders and pick up a big-ass black cloth-covered journal for me. Lined, of course. (He scored big, got me THE one I wanted for $6.)
Learn the different types of magickal protection as well as which
herbs, stones, candles, spells and amulets are recommended for
magickal protection. We will make a protective amulet during class.
Please bring a notebook or your BOS and something to write with. Class
is $5.00 per person.
So, as I said earlier, I was panicking the entire time we were learning about protective magick. I even wrote in my BoS - between "Burning candle down to water level..." and "Symbols I pressed into my amulet" DEAR UNIVERSE PLEASE TAKE THIS PANIC ATTACK AWAY. At one point, I bolted from my seat and went out into the store and there stood Ron, thank God. I said, "I can't do it, I'm panicking - can you tell?" He said not in my body, but in my eyes. So I took a deep breath, smiled, and went back in. At that point it was time to make the amulet out of this weird but really cool clay that stays soft until you bake it in an oven - or in this case, a toaster oven, for fifteen minutes. I made mine in the shape of a triangle with the Cho Ku Rei symbol on one side, and my personal symbol on the other. (It's a secret.) Before I shaped it, I mashed up Rosemary, Sage and Mugwort and kneaded it into the clay for more protective properties, punched a hole through it, gave it to Reiki Decaf, and jacks-a-donut, fifteen minutes later I had my amulet. I must say it's pretty cool.
While I was waiting for it to bake, I asked Reiki Decaf if it would be okay if I went and got a drink - she invited everyone to do the same thing, thank God. I took a xanax and hoped that because I hadn't eaten, it would work a helluva lot faster than usual - which, not surprisingly, it did. So - by the end of the evening, I had my amulet and I was oh-so-very mellow. How the FUCK come I couldn't be mellow enough to enjoy the class until it was over? UGH. At least I got printed out notes to take home so I could learn whatever I missed when I ran out of the gazebo panicking.
So, I'm going to next weeks workshop, too. That one ought to be really cool as well, and still - only five bucks.
Psychic EnhancementNow - that's going to be a REALLY rough one to make it to but I know I can pull it off. I have to drive for 2 ½ hours for a 10 A.M. court thing that only lasts ½ an hour, then drive the 2½ hours back home. I will NOT be a panicking mess for that class. If anything, I'll be a panicking mess for the court thing.
Gain the knowledge and practice the skills that can enhance your
psychic ability. We will discuss the various types of psychic ability
as well as do some practical application exercises. Please bring a
notebook or your BOS and something to write with. Class is $5.00 per
person.
I panicked all day because it was the 4th year anniversary of my dad passing away quite suddenly, without warning, out of the blue, in his sleep. Very traumatic. I miss my dad. A lot.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Great Scene from "Garden State"
I love the TV show Scrubs, mostly the main guy - Dr. Dorian (sp?) and his mentor, the manic dude with the curly blonde hair - he's my favorite, fucking hilarious. ANYWAY, Zach Braff is the main guy and he wrote and directed a movie called Garden State which was pretty fucking excellent, I just watched it tonight.
I took the time to write out one of the scenes where he and Natalie Portman are in a pool having a conversation because he can't swim...
No. Fucking. Shit. Bravo. Well said. Kudos. And the award goes to...Zach Braff.
Venti and I liked that scene a lot. For me it just so perfectly described how I feel in my life right now - or have for years and years. I could identify with his character pretty well, too - being so fogged up on antidepressants and tranquilizers that you can't feel anything at all anymore - not even pain.
I took the time to write out one of the scenes where he and Natalie Portman are in a pool having a conversation because he can't swim...
You know that point in your life that you realize that the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though have someplace you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
(she says - "I still feel at home in my house.")
You'll see one day when you move out - it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. It's like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist.
I mean, it's like this rite of passage - you know? You won't ever have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know - for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea.
You know, maybe that's all family really is...group of people that miss the same imaginary place.
No. Fucking. Shit. Bravo. Well said. Kudos. And the award goes to...Zach Braff.
Venti and I liked that scene a lot. For me it just so perfectly described how I feel in my life right now - or have for years and years. I could identify with his character pretty well, too - being so fogged up on antidepressants and tranquilizers that you can't feel anything at all anymore - not even pain.
Friday, December 24, 2004
It's Chrimmas
Well, it's officially Christmas - I think that's pretty awesome - however, don't seem to be as thrilled. My husband's (Venti) last blog entry was "I Hate All Holidays." and my good friend's last post was "Shove Your Holidays Up Your Ass" - so I think I'm in the minority.
I'm extremely excited to know that in about 8 hours I'll wake up and get to see how excited my kids are about their presents, I love all of it and plan to take a ton of pictures. No grinch here.
I still have to move a giant Spongebob balloon downstairs and also try to figure out how to wrap a filled aquarium, and although it's very small - it's already filled with water, gravel and of course - fish. I hope there aren't any floaters tomorrow. "Merry Christmas, your fish is dead." Not a good present for a 2 year old, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. So far they seem to be pretty hardy little dudes.
I'm all about Christmas...so bring it on...
I'm extremely excited to know that in about 8 hours I'll wake up and get to see how excited my kids are about their presents, I love all of it and plan to take a ton of pictures. No grinch here.
I still have to move a giant Spongebob balloon downstairs and also try to figure out how to wrap a filled aquarium, and although it's very small - it's already filled with water, gravel and of course - fish. I hope there aren't any floaters tomorrow. "Merry Christmas, your fish is dead." Not a good present for a 2 year old, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. So far they seem to be pretty hardy little dudes.
I'm all about Christmas...so bring it on...
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
What Is It About This Cereal?
I know I'm bored but is that any excuse to be sitting here thinking about how much my bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats looks like horsefeed? We used to buy stuff that looked exactly like this in giant 100 pound sacks for our horses when I was a kid, and now here I am, 30 years later - eating the stuff? There's just something disturbing about it, I think I need to go back to Lucky Charms.
I went to a website today where you make these plans to meet with other people who share your interests. I couldn't find anyone in my area so I made a new group for people with panic attacks who live in my town. It surely would be nice if someone actually joined the damn thing. Even one or two people would be great. I always thought that a support group for people with panic attacks and agoraphobia was quite ironic considering that agoraphobic people can't leave their homes without a 'safe person' - if at all, people with social anxiety have difficulty making a phone call - so how the hell does anyone GET to the meeting? It's kind of funny if you think about it. Anyway, I adjusted the group meeting place a bit at the website and said that we'd meet online first to figure out how to handle the meeting in real life issue. I think that will work. Now I just have to promote it and get people to join and TALK TO ME!!!!
You watch...Dave says our date for moving is September 1st - I'll bet you any amount of money I find some incredibly nice person with severe panic and agoraphobia who lives like, a block from my house, we'll become best friends and then our family will have to move. That- that right there is my luck.
Oh, MAN did my doctor piss me off today. I truly believe that physicians get kickbacks of some sort for prescribing certain medicines, and here's why. I felt a cold sore developing on my lip and I do NOT want a cold sore for Christmas, no way - they are nasty. So, I called my doctor's office and asked the front desk chick if my doctor could just call something into the pharmacy or did I have to go in for a visit? She said she'd see what she could do, and that my doctor was getting ready to walk out the door so she had to hurry. I called my pharmacy a few hours later and asked if there was a prescription for me, there was. I asked what it was, Valtrex.
VALTREX??? If you've watched TV in the last year you've seen the commercials for this medicine - the one where the chick has GENITAL herpes and is all happy, riding a bike, swinging on a swing, swimming and getting all rammy with a guy in the ocean? Yeah - THAT'S what she prescribed to me for a fucking cold sore. I read the list of side effects - no fucking way. All I wanted was the same goddamn cream that everyone in the world gets prescribed for them for cold sores - that shit really works, and ONLY on the cold sore - not throughout your entire system, and there's not a pound of paper's worth of side effects or warnings either.
I was so pissed. Anyway, why would she prescribe that? Why not prescribe the one that does NOT cost $230 for a typical course of treatment? The stuff I wanted and had before - which worked - costs $40. I have insurance so THAT would have been ten bucks, but the stuff she called in would have been a $35 copay. Yeah, she's sure as hell getting kickbacks of some sort. That just makes me sick.
Doesn't ALL of the advertising shit in your doctor's office just piss you off? You might not be getting the best medicine, just the most-heavily pushed by the pharmaceutical reps medicine. You sign in with a Lexapro pen, you weigh in on a Zocor scale, there are pharmaceutical calendars, clocks, note pads, and even exam table covers - it's everywhere! I think there ought to be a fucking law against that shit. When I went to see my panic doctor, he had a really nice clock on his desk...Upon further inspection I noticed it said "Xanax XR" on it...guess what he prescribed to me? Xanax XR. Yeah, like he's not getting SOMETHING out of that. Right.
Anyway, so now I've got two little cold sores that I'm treating with $15 Abreva (non prescription) and I hope, I hope, I HOPE these damn things don't get all nasty looking because I was HOPING to take some Christmas pictures with my kids. That would have been nice.
Speaking of Christmas...It's now officially December 22nd. I quietly celebrated the solstice with a nod to the Universe and a moment of peaceful reflection. I am SO excited about Christmas Eve in 3 days ... We're going to watch movies, get silly, and eat shrimp - and then the big day - watching the kids open their presents...Little baby short decaf having his second Christmas and maybe being a bit more aware of what's going on...Giving the cat a gift of a mid sized cardboard box to lay in (he'll LOVE it, trust me.) I love, love, LOVE Christmas mornings with the kids!!
And did you ever wonder if there's a correlation between the fact that the Winter Solstice is so damn close to Christmas? I think I read something about that in the Da Vinci Code - I really need to read that book again. Except - I need the new version that's out this year, the one with the photos and more illustrations...I MUST HAVE IT!!!
So this is me blathering...woohoo...only one more day of school for tall decaf and then he's off of school for two weeks...Venti (hubby) is off for several days and I'll get to see grande decaf, too! I love that it's Christmas. Or solstice. Or whatever the hell you want to call it - I'm just so thrilled to be seeing my kids and my sister ... I can't wait. :)
Off to bed now in hopes that it will make it seem as though the time is flying by....
I went to a website today where you make these plans to meet with other people who share your interests. I couldn't find anyone in my area so I made a new group for people with panic attacks who live in my town. It surely would be nice if someone actually joined the damn thing. Even one or two people would be great. I always thought that a support group for people with panic attacks and agoraphobia was quite ironic considering that agoraphobic people can't leave their homes without a 'safe person' - if at all, people with social anxiety have difficulty making a phone call - so how the hell does anyone GET to the meeting? It's kind of funny if you think about it. Anyway, I adjusted the group meeting place a bit at the website and said that we'd meet online first to figure out how to handle the meeting in real life issue. I think that will work. Now I just have to promote it and get people to join and TALK TO ME!!!!
You watch...Dave says our date for moving is September 1st - I'll bet you any amount of money I find some incredibly nice person with severe panic and agoraphobia who lives like, a block from my house, we'll become best friends and then our family will have to move. That- that right there is my luck.
Oh, MAN did my doctor piss me off today. I truly believe that physicians get kickbacks of some sort for prescribing certain medicines, and here's why. I felt a cold sore developing on my lip and I do NOT want a cold sore for Christmas, no way - they are nasty. So, I called my doctor's office and asked the front desk chick if my doctor could just call something into the pharmacy or did I have to go in for a visit? She said she'd see what she could do, and that my doctor was getting ready to walk out the door so she had to hurry. I called my pharmacy a few hours later and asked if there was a prescription for me, there was. I asked what it was, Valtrex.
VALTREX??? If you've watched TV in the last year you've seen the commercials for this medicine - the one where the chick has GENITAL herpes and is all happy, riding a bike, swinging on a swing, swimming and getting all rammy with a guy in the ocean? Yeah - THAT'S what she prescribed to me for a fucking cold sore. I read the list of side effects - no fucking way. All I wanted was the same goddamn cream that everyone in the world gets prescribed for them for cold sores - that shit really works, and ONLY on the cold sore - not throughout your entire system, and there's not a pound of paper's worth of side effects or warnings either.
I was so pissed. Anyway, why would she prescribe that? Why not prescribe the one that does NOT cost $230 for a typical course of treatment? The stuff I wanted and had before - which worked - costs $40. I have insurance so THAT would have been ten bucks, but the stuff she called in would have been a $35 copay. Yeah, she's sure as hell getting kickbacks of some sort. That just makes me sick.
Doesn't ALL of the advertising shit in your doctor's office just piss you off? You might not be getting the best medicine, just the most-heavily pushed by the pharmaceutical reps medicine. You sign in with a Lexapro pen, you weigh in on a Zocor scale, there are pharmaceutical calendars, clocks, note pads, and even exam table covers - it's everywhere! I think there ought to be a fucking law against that shit. When I went to see my panic doctor, he had a really nice clock on his desk...Upon further inspection I noticed it said "Xanax XR" on it...guess what he prescribed to me? Xanax XR. Yeah, like he's not getting SOMETHING out of that. Right.
Anyway, so now I've got two little cold sores that I'm treating with $15 Abreva (non prescription) and I hope, I hope, I HOPE these damn things don't get all nasty looking because I was HOPING to take some Christmas pictures with my kids. That would have been nice.
Speaking of Christmas...It's now officially December 22nd. I quietly celebrated the solstice with a nod to the Universe and a moment of peaceful reflection. I am SO excited about Christmas Eve in 3 days ... We're going to watch movies, get silly, and eat shrimp - and then the big day - watching the kids open their presents...Little baby short decaf having his second Christmas and maybe being a bit more aware of what's going on...Giving the cat a gift of a mid sized cardboard box to lay in (he'll LOVE it, trust me.) I love, love, LOVE Christmas mornings with the kids!!
And did you ever wonder if there's a correlation between the fact that the Winter Solstice is so damn close to Christmas? I think I read something about that in the Da Vinci Code - I really need to read that book again. Except - I need the new version that's out this year, the one with the photos and more illustrations...I MUST HAVE IT!!!
So this is me blathering...woohoo...only one more day of school for tall decaf and then he's off of school for two weeks...Venti (hubby) is off for several days and I'll get to see grande decaf, too! I love that it's Christmas. Or solstice. Or whatever the hell you want to call it - I'm just so thrilled to be seeing my kids and my sister ... I can't wait. :)
Off to bed now in hopes that it will make it seem as though the time is flying by....
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE -- Background Page
This website is SO all about me...
HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE -- Background Page: "Highly sensitive individuals have often said they feel they are 'different' and just don't fit in; we've even heard HSP say they sometimes feel like they are from a different planet. "
HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE -- Background Page: "Highly sensitive individuals have often said they feel they are 'different' and just don't fit in; we've even heard HSP say they sometimes feel like they are from a different planet. "
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Rantscribe
Rantscribe: "Tolerance? The mere fact that anyone chooses a religion above another and then regards all the others as incorrect and that those sinners will go to hell means that ANY religious person cannot be tolerant. Agnosticism is the only tolerant choice. We neither deny nor accept any relgion. Frankly religion is a waste of my powers of logic and reason. It is totally inconclusive and therefore not worth thinking about. Yet, just as these Deliverers, as they call themselves, have a God-given right to indoctrinate recruits, so too do I have my own Me-given right to recruit people to my way of thinking. This persecution complex must stop. I do not cry like a school girl if my beliefs are countered. In fact, I cannot recall A SINGLE PERSON even attempting to counter agnosticism. Funny that. And I don't mean counter it with Christianity. I mean try and have a metaphysical and philosophical argument to counter it. Christianity and religion are ALWAYS argued against from all sides, including science.
I posted previously the negative correlation between intelligence and religiosity. I'm sorry but intellectual people are not religious. Less intelligent people are. It's that bleeding simple (although there are of course exceptions to the mean - lest I insult anyone). And although I do pity the dim-witted, I also enjoy the fact that my intellectual superiority enables me to toy with them. Cruel, perhaps, to attempt a battle of wits with an unarmed person, but it is my right. I am higher up on the intellectual food chain, which means I can toy with and then consume whichever lowly organism is below me. Just like you eat cows, pigs, sheep, vegetables, fish etc. Yes, it is an arrogant point of view I agree, but it is simply a fact of life. I am selfish and arrogant. I can do it because I can. And I am very happy and content with that."
I posted previously the negative correlation between intelligence and religiosity. I'm sorry but intellectual people are not religious. Less intelligent people are. It's that bleeding simple (although there are of course exceptions to the mean - lest I insult anyone). And although I do pity the dim-witted, I also enjoy the fact that my intellectual superiority enables me to toy with them. Cruel, perhaps, to attempt a battle of wits with an unarmed person, but it is my right. I am higher up on the intellectual food chain, which means I can toy with and then consume whichever lowly organism is below me. Just like you eat cows, pigs, sheep, vegetables, fish etc. Yes, it is an arrogant point of view I agree, but it is simply a fact of life. I am selfish and arrogant. I can do it because I can. And I am very happy and content with that."
glassdog: "Silent night, deadly night"
glassdog: "Silent night, deadly night"
Because I had absolutely nothing else to do, I did an anagram search on the phone number people are to use to get a refund for that evening's performance. Since it was already 704-54GLORY, I could only make it into some ill glory - 704-IL-GLORY.
Their website at http://crystalcathedral.org/ also mentions that they offer Professional Counseling Services. I guess it wasn't a perk the guy got for working there for thirty years.
I'm loopy, it's late.
Because I had absolutely nothing else to do, I did an anagram search on the phone number people are to use to get a refund for that evening's performance. Since it was already 704-54GLORY, I could only make it into some ill glory - 704-IL-GLORY.
Their website at http://crystalcathedral.org/ also mentions that they offer Professional Counseling Services. I guess it wasn't a perk the guy got for working there for thirty years.
I'm loopy, it's late.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
100 Things
I know everyone does this and everyone thinks it's lame, but I'm bored and need to waste a few hours...
100 Things About me
(was 50 Things About Me)
1. I love stationary - post-its, pens, paper clips, note pads, all of it.
2. Illuminations is my favorite store but I can't afford anything there. (Candles.)
3. I smoke. (If you have anything to say about that, fuck off.)
4. I love spirals.
5. If I could choose a state to live in it would most likely Maine.
6. I stay up until 4am and wake up at noon.
7. Nobody has made me a pot of coffee in over a year.
8. I gave up caffeine, but not coffee (went to decaf) in August of 2003.
9. There are (basically) 8 windows in my 3 bedroom house.
10. I don't know my neighbors names, except for one guy. (200+ houses in my development.)
11. I've written a novel.
12. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
13. I don't have a single real life friend.
14. I constantly wish I could close my eyes and open them up and be 15 again.
15. I hate, with a passion, tan carpet. I had dark dark blue carpet once, that was cool.
16. I need to hear SOMETHING at night; a fan, any sort of white noise, otherwise I can't sleep.
17. I hate being hot, I hate living in places that are hot, a tropical vacation sounds like hell to me.
18. I have attempted to figure out how to become anorexic to no avail.
19. I love Trivial Pursuit but nobody plays it anymore.
20. I like non-fiction, especially historical books.
21. I believe in reincarnation.
22. 22 is my husband's favorite number, but mine isn't. Mine is 25.
23. I've been married twice. I was pregnant both times.
24. As much as I use my computer, I generally don't like computers anymore.
25. I picked my son's name from a character in the movie Armageddon. (AJ)
26. Because I think Ben Affleck is cute.
27. I don't like my cat anymore.
28. Sometimes I wish I had a small dog.
29. I don't know what my favorite color is.
30. I do know my favorite flower; daisy.
31. My favorite female actress is Drew Barrymore but Jennifer Garner is edging her out.
32. I own, and use, tarot cards.
33. I generally hate nuts except for almonds and macadamias.
34. I am a registered Republican who voted a straight Democratic ticket in 2002 and 2004.
35. I have really awful panic attacks and am agoraphobic.
36. I type about 90wpm.
37. It annoys me when people use 'good' when they should use 'well', or spell things wrong.
38. My favorite TV show is The West Wing. My vastly different 2nd fave? The Swan.
39. Josh Lyman's character perfectly exemplifies the man I 'knew' I'd marry when I was younger.
40. Sometimes I lay awake at night and think about how stupid the people on The Apprentice have been and what I would have done differently.
41. I have overcome a serious addiction to an online RPG called Everquest.
42. I wish my bedroom was painted the color "eggplant." Just once.
43. My favorite cookies are molasses cookies.
44. I finally memorized my cellphone number.
45. I don't drink often, (like once a year) but when I do, I like sour drinks like margaritas and sweet & sours.
46. I hate miniblinds.
47. I really hate my dishes but I really love my glasses.
48. I don't have a favorite holiday - my kids birthdays make up for that, those are great.
49. I moderate 3 very active message boards.
50. I have six email addresses that I actually use.
51. I generally don't like any robots except that little disk shaped vacuum cleaner. Roomba I think it is.
52. I hate Nascar and anything related to Nascar such as flags, lawn ornaments, commercials, the race themselves.
53. I think Tiger Woods is awesome and I absolutely love playing golf, although the best score I've ever gotten on an 18 hole course was 101 - and it's been more than four years since I played.
54. Did I do favorite ice cream yet? Not sure. However, it would be chocolate marshamallow, eaten with those big fat hard pretzels. Weird. I know.
55. I once worked in a sewing factory. (To balance that out, I also worked in an Environmental Consultant Company.)
56. If I go to a fast food place it's Taco Bell and I order the 1 Burrito Supreme, 1 Taco Supreme meal.
57. If I have a choice of where to go for a nice dinner out, it would be Dave's Famous BBQ. I know - that's not "nice" - but the food is fucking awesome.
58. I think vegetarians are weird. We are supposed to eat meat, not wheat.
59. The most I've ever won on a lottery ticket is $85 on a trip to the beach when I REALLY needed it so I could party more.
60. The last movie I rented was Collatoral which I didn't really like.
61. Movies I could watch over and over again include: Dogma, 13 going on 30, the FIRST Matrix, First Wives Club, House of Sand and Fog, Until There Was You, and - embarassingly, Miss Congeniality.
62. Movies that should be removed from existence: Matrix Revolutions. Period. Way to fuck up a perfectly awesome movie, assholes.
63. I own 144 high quality prints of the Metropolitan Museums of New Yorks idea of "the greatest paintings ever." They are like a secret pride and joy of mine.
64. I love M.C. Escher's work.
65. I had a Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox when I was a kid.
66. Best books: The DaVinci Code (Dan Brown), Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy (Complete Collection), The Day the Universe Changed (James Burke - a new favorite but an old book), Ancient Mysteries (by Peter James and Nick Thorpe,) A History of Knowledge: Past, Present and Future, (by Charles Van Doren )
67. Slowest book I've recently read...The Tipping Point.
68. Favorite beer, I'm not sure of the name but it's dark beer and only served (AFAIK) in a pub on Bainbridge Island, Washington. If I have to pick a local beer it would be Sam Adams.
69. I've never broken a bone.
70. I've never had a speeding ticket, or moving violation of any type.
71. I do not have a dream car.
72. My favorite sport is people-watching.
73. My least favorite sport is a tie between basketball and baseball (to watch, playing is cool.)
74. I know all the words to the song "Across the Universe" from the Beatles.
75. My thermostat is set at 65º
76. I prefer a small real tree for Christmas but for practicality reasons, would like to buy an artificial one.
77. I only ever had two wisdom teeth and I just got them removed. It didn't hurt like I thought it would.
78. I hate tiny cell phones.
79. I'm convinced that my husband is getting sick of me and flirting with someone online.
80. The first boy I ever really kissed was named Steve Miller, it was outside of a church on a Wednesday night and I was 12.
81. There are 14 magnets on my refrigerator, three postcards, two pictures of my little boy, receipts that we haven't kept track of yet, and an order form for my sons yearbook.
82. I am addicted to www.shutterfly.com because I'm addicted to my digital camera.
83. My camera is a Olympus Camedia C-3000. It is a total battery sucker.
84. I cut my sons hair. I've also dyed it, bleached it, streaked it and spiked it for him as his mood has changed.
85. We go through a lot of gel in our home.
86. If I had could raid a clothing store it would probably be Lands End.
87. I have a serious addiction to buying my little boy cute pajamas off of EBay.
88. I am 33 years old.
89. I think ice-hocky is a moronic sport.
90. I'm the youngest of five siblings. 3 sisters and 1 brother. I'm the only one who speaks to most of them, except my brother because he's an asshole.
91. I have 2 black leather Coach purses and I hate the Coach Signature line of purses. Mine are not that line.
92. I make the worlds best pumpkin roll, pumpkin pie, and fudge. IMHO.
93. I desperately want a heart shaped keychain from Tiffany's with my initials on it, from their "Return To" collection.
94. My least favorite chore is doing laundry, but oddly enough I actually enjoy folding it.
95. The only tools I own are a hammer and a box of nails.
96. I really, really wish every light switch in my house was one of those sliding dimmer switch types.
97. There are six sets of stairs in my home if you count the landings as beginning a new set.
98. I've owned several cats named Fluffy. All of them were.
99. I once had a therapist who was a Creationist and I asked him how the hell can you be a scientist, an M.D.... AND a Creationist? He was a nice guy, did a great job getting me over a few phobias.
100. Finally getting to 100 is a huge relief because I was sick of trying to figure out things to type.
(was 50 Things About Me)
1. I love stationary - post-its, pens, paper clips, note pads, all of it.
2. Illuminations is my favorite store but I can't afford anything there. (Candles.)
3. I smoke. (If you have anything to say about that, fuck off.)
4. I love spirals.
5. If I could choose a state to live in it would most likely Maine.
6. I stay up until 4am and wake up at noon.
7. Nobody has made me a pot of coffee in over a year.
8. I gave up caffeine, but not coffee (went to decaf) in August of 2003.
9. There are (basically) 8 windows in my 3 bedroom house.
10. I don't know my neighbors names, except for one guy. (200+ houses in my development.)
11. I've written a novel.
12. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
13. I don't have a single real life friend.
14. I constantly wish I could close my eyes and open them up and be 15 again.
15. I hate, with a passion, tan carpet. I had dark dark blue carpet once, that was cool.
16. I need to hear SOMETHING at night; a fan, any sort of white noise, otherwise I can't sleep.
17. I hate being hot, I hate living in places that are hot, a tropical vacation sounds like hell to me.
18. I have attempted to figure out how to become anorexic to no avail.
19. I love Trivial Pursuit but nobody plays it anymore.
20. I like non-fiction, especially historical books.
21. I believe in reincarnation.
22. 22 is my husband's favorite number, but mine isn't. Mine is 25.
23. I've been married twice. I was pregnant both times.
24. As much as I use my computer, I generally don't like computers anymore.
25. I picked my son's name from a character in the movie Armageddon. (AJ)
26. Because I think Ben Affleck is cute.
27. I don't like my cat anymore.
28. Sometimes I wish I had a small dog.
29. I don't know what my favorite color is.
30. I do know my favorite flower; daisy.
31. My favorite female actress is Drew Barrymore but Jennifer Garner is edging her out.
32. I own, and use, tarot cards.
33. I generally hate nuts except for almonds and macadamias.
34. I am a registered Republican who voted a straight Democratic ticket in 2002 and 2004.
35. I have really awful panic attacks and am agoraphobic.
36. I type about 90wpm.
37. It annoys me when people use 'good' when they should use 'well', or spell things wrong.
38. My favorite TV show is The West Wing. My vastly different 2nd fave? The Swan.
39. Josh Lyman's character perfectly exemplifies the man I 'knew' I'd marry when I was younger.
40. Sometimes I lay awake at night and think about how stupid the people on The Apprentice have been and what I would have done differently.
41. I have overcome a serious addiction to an online RPG called Everquest.
42. I wish my bedroom was painted the color "eggplant." Just once.
43. My favorite cookies are molasses cookies.
44. I finally memorized my cellphone number.
45. I don't drink often, (like once a year) but when I do, I like sour drinks like margaritas and sweet & sours.
46. I hate miniblinds.
47. I really hate my dishes but I really love my glasses.
48. I don't have a favorite holiday - my kids birthdays make up for that, those are great.
49. I moderate 3 very active message boards.
50. I have six email addresses that I actually use.
51. I generally don't like any robots except that little disk shaped vacuum cleaner. Roomba I think it is.
52. I hate Nascar and anything related to Nascar such as flags, lawn ornaments, commercials, the race themselves.
53. I think Tiger Woods is awesome and I absolutely love playing golf, although the best score I've ever gotten on an 18 hole course was 101 - and it's been more than four years since I played.
54. Did I do favorite ice cream yet? Not sure. However, it would be chocolate marshamallow, eaten with those big fat hard pretzels. Weird. I know.
55. I once worked in a sewing factory. (To balance that out, I also worked in an Environmental Consultant Company.)
56. If I go to a fast food place it's Taco Bell and I order the 1 Burrito Supreme, 1 Taco Supreme meal.
57. If I have a choice of where to go for a nice dinner out, it would be Dave's Famous BBQ. I know - that's not "nice" - but the food is fucking awesome.
58. I think vegetarians are weird. We are supposed to eat meat, not wheat.
59. The most I've ever won on a lottery ticket is $85 on a trip to the beach when I REALLY needed it so I could party more.
60. The last movie I rented was Collatoral which I didn't really like.
61. Movies I could watch over and over again include: Dogma, 13 going on 30, the FIRST Matrix, First Wives Club, House of Sand and Fog, Until There Was You, and - embarassingly, Miss Congeniality.
62. Movies that should be removed from existence: Matrix Revolutions. Period. Way to fuck up a perfectly awesome movie, assholes.
63. I own 144 high quality prints of the Metropolitan Museums of New Yorks idea of "the greatest paintings ever." They are like a secret pride and joy of mine.
64. I love M.C. Escher's work.
65. I had a Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox when I was a kid.
66. Best books: The DaVinci Code (Dan Brown), Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy (Complete Collection), The Day the Universe Changed (James Burke - a new favorite but an old book), Ancient Mysteries (by Peter James and Nick Thorpe,) A History of Knowledge: Past, Present and Future, (by Charles Van Doren )
67. Slowest book I've recently read...The Tipping Point.
68. Favorite beer, I'm not sure of the name but it's dark beer and only served (AFAIK) in a pub on Bainbridge Island, Washington. If I have to pick a local beer it would be Sam Adams.
69. I've never broken a bone.
70. I've never had a speeding ticket, or moving violation of any type.
71. I do not have a dream car.
72. My favorite sport is people-watching.
73. My least favorite sport is a tie between basketball and baseball (to watch, playing is cool.)
74. I know all the words to the song "Across the Universe" from the Beatles.
75. My thermostat is set at 65º
76. I prefer a small real tree for Christmas but for practicality reasons, would like to buy an artificial one.
77. I only ever had two wisdom teeth and I just got them removed. It didn't hurt like I thought it would.
78. I hate tiny cell phones.
79. I'm convinced that my husband is getting sick of me and flirting with someone online.
80. The first boy I ever really kissed was named Steve Miller, it was outside of a church on a Wednesday night and I was 12.
81. There are 14 magnets on my refrigerator, three postcards, two pictures of my little boy, receipts that we haven't kept track of yet, and an order form for my sons yearbook.
82. I am addicted to www.shutterfly.com because I'm addicted to my digital camera.
83. My camera is a Olympus Camedia C-3000. It is a total battery sucker.
84. I cut my sons hair. I've also dyed it, bleached it, streaked it and spiked it for him as his mood has changed.
85. We go through a lot of gel in our home.
86. If I had could raid a clothing store it would probably be Lands End.
87. I have a serious addiction to buying my little boy cute pajamas off of EBay.
88. I am 33 years old.
89. I think ice-hocky is a moronic sport.
90. I'm the youngest of five siblings. 3 sisters and 1 brother. I'm the only one who speaks to most of them, except my brother because he's an asshole.
91. I have 2 black leather Coach purses and I hate the Coach Signature line of purses. Mine are not that line.
92. I make the worlds best pumpkin roll, pumpkin pie, and fudge. IMHO.
93. I desperately want a heart shaped keychain from Tiffany's with my initials on it, from their "Return To" collection.
94. My least favorite chore is doing laundry, but oddly enough I actually enjoy folding it.
95. The only tools I own are a hammer and a box of nails.
96. I really, really wish every light switch in my house was one of those sliding dimmer switch types.
97. There are six sets of stairs in my home if you count the landings as beginning a new set.
98. I've owned several cats named Fluffy. All of them were.
99. I once had a therapist who was a Creationist and I asked him how the hell can you be a scientist, an M.D.... AND a Creationist? He was a nice guy, did a great job getting me over a few phobias.
100. Finally getting to 100 is a huge relief because I was sick of trying to figure out things to type.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Is It Just Me or Does Christmas Suck a Bit More Every Year?
I am trying REAL hard to create an allusion that there's Christmas Spirit in this house, but it's just not working. When there's no money and no prospect of money coming in before Christmas it kind of puts a damper on the whole holiday for not just me, but everyone in the house. We didn't send out Christmas cards - and so far have only gotten one, an automatically generated corporate card from my sister who sells cars for a living. I bought a car through her once and now she'll never forget to send me a card because I'm on her list. Not because I'm her sister, but because I'm on her list...plus, her company pays for the postage.
There's no room in my house for Christmas, the tree that we picked out - while nice - is overwhelming my dining room. That's not a terrible thing considering that nobody can see that there aren't yet any presents under it.
I thought that two years ago Christmas sucked because there was a blizzard and my boys were 3 hours away with my ex because it was his turn to have them, so it was the first holiday I spent familyless. I remember staring out the window at the snow and thinking how badly it all just sucked not to see my kids or my mom and sisters.
We will be going to PA for Christmas dinner, so that's something. Nothing like taking a 3 hour drive on Christmas day - and I'm not sure if we're staying overnight or coming right back, if so - that's going to just suck even worse.
I want to see my oldest son for Christmas and I want my middle son to see his father's family for Christmas, but I had a really huge fight with my ex husband and ex mother-in-law because they said some absolutely terrible and untrue things about me to my oldest son, so I told them that in order for my middle son to see her (the ex MIL) it would have to be in some sort of supervised setting. I meant something along the lines of a restaurant or a mall, but I can't figure out how to pull that off because my ex husband should (SHOULD) be able to be supervision enough, but he's not, so I don't know what the fuck to do.
And here's a MAJOR FUCKING SHOUT OUT to all of you people who write to me with your QUICK HURRY UP AND ANSWER MY EMAIL BECAUSE I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!! bullshit...
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DON'T EXPECT ME TO ANSWER ANYMORE OF YOUR FUCKING EMAILS!!!! I'm even going to post that on my website. I spend a minimum of 90 minutes a day and more likely 3 hours a day writing emails back to people with panic attack questions of varying degrees of urgency. They NEVER write a goddamned thank you. Never even let me know they got the fucking emails. I expend so much energy on them and you know what - fuck em all. I worked my ass off collecting the information for my website and I work my ass of to keep my knowledge of panic disorder and its treatments current FOR THEM - and for what? Not a goddamned thing in return. My inbox is ALWAYS empty of 'thank you's' - but full of "Please HELP ME!!!'s" Again. Fuck em. It feels like the last 8 years of keeping that website current has been a fucking void in my life I'll never be able to regain. And now I'm pissed off at everyone who writes to me and have actually even happily deleted a few emails without even responding, and you know what - it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Fuck them, and fuck them again. That's what they're doing to me isn't it?
God, to take my email address off of that website will take me forever...there's like 72 html files associated with. Fuck.
I'd like to say I've made some friends over the years because of it, but you know - the only friend I've ever made in association with the website is the guy who helped me learn HTML. Tens of thousands of emails and only one friend...albiet a good friend, but still??? WTF? People will sometimes email me back and forth - oh - four times tops, act interested in having a penpal type relationship, then suddenly just fucking stop writing or responding to my emails of "I haven't heard from you lately, is everything okay? How is your anxiety? I hope all is well...please let me know. I'm always here for you!! - Lisa"
Fuck em.
My advice for panic disorder can be found all over the web, I get thousands of visitors to my site every month, I have been told that I touch peoples lives....AND??? Where's the fuckin gratitude???
I'm sorry to sound so mean but it just pisses me off how much time and effort and emotion I've given away when all the while I'm still having issues with panic disorder and who's asking me 'I haven't heard from you lately, is everything okay? How is your anxiety? I hope all is well...please let me know." NOBODY.
I had come to the conclusion eons ago that people suck. I tried to fight it, argue with myself that it couldn't be true, challenge myself to find the good in people - the good people, always continuing to hold out hope that people truly didn't all just suck - but you know what? They pretty much all do.
I'm guessing a psychologist would tell me that I'm be dramatic or underestimating the people in the world - and 'have you MET everyone in the world?' kind of bullshit logic - but uhm, yeah - I've had a pretty fucking good sampling and it comes down to people in general being all about themselves.
Nobody gives anything away for free. There's always a catch. There are no truly honest, decent, moral people full of integrity out there - and I suppose I'm one of them considering how awful this post must sound. I just give up on the human race - we're fucking doomed with this egocentric attitude. If - IF - there are a few good people left on earth, we - or they - are being slowly converted to assholes by the rest of the world who are, indeed, a bunch of dicks.
There's no room in my house for Christmas, the tree that we picked out - while nice - is overwhelming my dining room. That's not a terrible thing considering that nobody can see that there aren't yet any presents under it.
I thought that two years ago Christmas sucked because there was a blizzard and my boys were 3 hours away with my ex because it was his turn to have them, so it was the first holiday I spent familyless. I remember staring out the window at the snow and thinking how badly it all just sucked not to see my kids or my mom and sisters.
We will be going to PA for Christmas dinner, so that's something. Nothing like taking a 3 hour drive on Christmas day - and I'm not sure if we're staying overnight or coming right back, if so - that's going to just suck even worse.
I want to see my oldest son for Christmas and I want my middle son to see his father's family for Christmas, but I had a really huge fight with my ex husband and ex mother-in-law because they said some absolutely terrible and untrue things about me to my oldest son, so I told them that in order for my middle son to see her (the ex MIL) it would have to be in some sort of supervised setting. I meant something along the lines of a restaurant or a mall, but I can't figure out how to pull that off because my ex husband should (SHOULD) be able to be supervision enough, but he's not, so I don't know what the fuck to do.
And here's a MAJOR FUCKING SHOUT OUT to all of you people who write to me with your QUICK HURRY UP AND ANSWER MY EMAIL BECAUSE I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!! bullshit...
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DON'T EXPECT ME TO ANSWER ANYMORE OF YOUR FUCKING EMAILS!!!! I'm even going to post that on my website. I spend a minimum of 90 minutes a day and more likely 3 hours a day writing emails back to people with panic attack questions of varying degrees of urgency. They NEVER write a goddamned thank you. Never even let me know they got the fucking emails. I expend so much energy on them and you know what - fuck em all. I worked my ass off collecting the information for my website and I work my ass of to keep my knowledge of panic disorder and its treatments current FOR THEM - and for what? Not a goddamned thing in return. My inbox is ALWAYS empty of 'thank you's' - but full of "Please HELP ME!!!'s" Again. Fuck em. It feels like the last 8 years of keeping that website current has been a fucking void in my life I'll never be able to regain. And now I'm pissed off at everyone who writes to me and have actually even happily deleted a few emails without even responding, and you know what - it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Fuck them, and fuck them again. That's what they're doing to me isn't it?
God, to take my email address off of that website will take me forever...there's like 72 html files associated with. Fuck.
I'd like to say I've made some friends over the years because of it, but you know - the only friend I've ever made in association with the website is the guy who helped me learn HTML. Tens of thousands of emails and only one friend...albiet a good friend, but still??? WTF? People will sometimes email me back and forth - oh - four times tops, act interested in having a penpal type relationship, then suddenly just fucking stop writing or responding to my emails of "I haven't heard from you lately, is everything okay? How is your anxiety? I hope all is well...please let me know. I'm always here for you!! - Lisa"
Fuck em.
My advice for panic disorder can be found all over the web, I get thousands of visitors to my site every month, I have been told that I touch peoples lives....AND??? Where's the fuckin gratitude???
I'm sorry to sound so mean but it just pisses me off how much time and effort and emotion I've given away when all the while I'm still having issues with panic disorder and who's asking me 'I haven't heard from you lately, is everything okay? How is your anxiety? I hope all is well...please let me know." NOBODY.
I had come to the conclusion eons ago that people suck. I tried to fight it, argue with myself that it couldn't be true, challenge myself to find the good in people - the good people, always continuing to hold out hope that people truly didn't all just suck - but you know what? They pretty much all do.
I'm guessing a psychologist would tell me that I'm be dramatic or underestimating the people in the world - and 'have you MET everyone in the world?' kind of bullshit logic - but uhm, yeah - I've had a pretty fucking good sampling and it comes down to people in general being all about themselves.
Nobody gives anything away for free. There's always a catch. There are no truly honest, decent, moral people full of integrity out there - and I suppose I'm one of them considering how awful this post must sound. I just give up on the human race - we're fucking doomed with this egocentric attitude. If - IF - there are a few good people left on earth, we - or they - are being slowly converted to assholes by the rest of the world who are, indeed, a bunch of dicks.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Judicial Watch? What the hell?
What in the hell is a copy of the ten commandments on display in the Supreme Court for? How is that possible? Could someone get a Wiccan Creed on display there, I wonder.
Judicial Watch
Judicial Watch Files Brief Backing Display Of Ten Commandments
((SNIP))
“Judicial Watch is urging the Supreme Court to clarify the Establishment Clause so that lower courts and state and federal officials will have consistent constitutional principles they can follow,” said Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton. “The Ten Commandments provide one of the foundations of our legal system and even are displayed in the Supreme Court.”
Judicial Watch
Judicial Watch Files Brief Backing Display Of Ten Commandments
((SNIP))
“Judicial Watch is urging the Supreme Court to clarify the Establishment Clause so that lower courts and state and federal officials will have consistent constitutional principles they can follow,” said Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton. “The Ten Commandments provide one of the foundations of our legal system and even are displayed in the Supreme Court.”
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Ratfuck Diary: Values Boiled Down to Essentials
Ratfuck Diary: Values Boiled Down to Essentials
Read it all the way to the last paragraph...especially the last paragraph.
Read it all the way to the last paragraph...especially the last paragraph.
Monday, December 06, 2004
CNN.com - Frist: Abstinence-only programs need review - Dec 5, 2004
What the fuck part of any school program does "being faithful" belong in?? This just pisses me off. (Look for the bold in this post for what I'm refering to.) I've got two kids in school and damn, I just can't believe how - in a nation as "advanced" as ours - basic facts are allowed to be twisted in whatever manner a school wishes so that they are teaching what they feel is moral. Fuck it all. Maybe my husbands sister is right - every religion or non-religion should have a seperate school, send your kid there and if there isn't a school for your belief (We worship the Divine Tomato) then make one. I'd like to ask the country Christians to keep their filthy fucked up hands off of my kids, please - but what options do I have, really? Homeschooling? Hell, I'm not smart enough to do that, and I can't afford it either - damn it, I really should have taken Trig in high school. Who knew how bad skipping advanced math in 12th grade would hurt me today (got bumped down to general math because of my 'delicate condition' - pregnancy.)
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CNN.com - Frist: Abstinence-only programs need review - Dec 5, 2004: "WASHINGTON (AP) -- Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said Sunday that the government should review federally funded sexual abstinence programs, under fire from Democrats who say they contain false and misleading medical information.
The 'abstinence-only' programs, which get $170 million from Congress this year, teach children and teens the benefits of abstaining from sex until marriage. By law, they are not allowed to discuss any benefits of birth control or condoms in preventing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.
A report last week by Rep. Henry Waxman, D-California, found 11 of the 13 most widely used programs contain misinformation. He said they underestimate the effectiveness of condoms in preventing pregnancy and the spread of disease, exaggerate the prevalence of emotional and physical distress following abortion, blur science and religion or get fundamental scientific facts wrong.
Asked about these findings, Frist, a doctor who often calls on his medical expertise, did not directly address the issues raised. But he said the programs should be reviewed.
'Of course they should be reviewed,' Frist said Sunday on ABC's 'This Week' program. 'That's in part our responsibility to make sure that all of these programs are reviewed.'
He touted the benefits of a more comprehensive approach backed by President Bush in the global fight against AIDS called 'ABC' for abstinence, being faithful and use of condoms.
'Whether it's abstinence or whether it's a condom or whether it is ... washing hands in terms of the flu, all of these are public health challenges,' Frist said.
The Waxman report said one abstinence-only curricula incorrectly says that people can contract HIV through exposure to sweat and tears.
Asked if he thought that was true, Frist said it 'would be very hard' to transmit HIV through sweat and tears."
----
wow, "very hard" ... everything about this presidential term is "hard" - "hard work" - HARD must be THE buzzword for this administration. You know, you type the word hard enough times and it looks and sounds really stupid, like when you say 'fork' too many times, or "drawer". I'm still pissed that Kerry didn't win - and sometimes I fucking wonder if he was in on it.
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CNN.com - Frist: Abstinence-only programs need review - Dec 5, 2004: "WASHINGTON (AP) -- Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said Sunday that the government should review federally funded sexual abstinence programs, under fire from Democrats who say they contain false and misleading medical information.
The 'abstinence-only' programs, which get $170 million from Congress this year, teach children and teens the benefits of abstaining from sex until marriage. By law, they are not allowed to discuss any benefits of birth control or condoms in preventing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.
A report last week by Rep. Henry Waxman, D-California, found 11 of the 13 most widely used programs contain misinformation. He said they underestimate the effectiveness of condoms in preventing pregnancy and the spread of disease, exaggerate the prevalence of emotional and physical distress following abortion, blur science and religion or get fundamental scientific facts wrong.
Asked about these findings, Frist, a doctor who often calls on his medical expertise, did not directly address the issues raised. But he said the programs should be reviewed.
'Of course they should be reviewed,' Frist said Sunday on ABC's 'This Week' program. 'That's in part our responsibility to make sure that all of these programs are reviewed.'
He touted the benefits of a more comprehensive approach backed by President Bush in the global fight against AIDS called 'ABC' for abstinence, being faithful and use of condoms.
'Whether it's abstinence or whether it's a condom or whether it is ... washing hands in terms of the flu, all of these are public health challenges,' Frist said.
The Waxman report said one abstinence-only curricula incorrectly says that people can contract HIV through exposure to sweat and tears.
Asked if he thought that was true, Frist said it 'would be very hard' to transmit HIV through sweat and tears."
----
wow, "very hard" ... everything about this presidential term is "hard" - "hard work" - HARD must be THE buzzword for this administration. You know, you type the word hard enough times and it looks and sounds really stupid, like when you say 'fork' too many times, or "drawer". I'm still pissed that Kerry didn't win - and sometimes I fucking wonder if he was in on it.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Well That Was a Fast Weekend!
Baby Short Decaf is fine, he's just a finicky 22 months old and was getting too many of his calories from milk and juice, he's perfectly on for weight and a bit taller than most kids his age. All is well and I am happy about this.
I got an email from the other woman who was a student at my Reiki class. She wants to come over to my house and practice once a week and I don't know what to tell her. I know I have to respond to the email - it's been in my inbox for three days now and I feel terrible that I haven't replied. It's just that I'm so embarrassed about my house - we don't have anything nice, it's not decorated, and to say the least; I'm not a neat-freak. Hell, we need to plan our move to the west coast and implement a plan of attack to free ourselves of all kinds of crap TEN MONTHS in advance just so we have enough time to accomplish it! I honestly don't know what to say to her. And from a practicality standpoint - there's nowhere in my home to actually practice Reiki - I don't have a massage table, my dining room table is too small and unstable, and my sofa is so old and broken down I'd never let a stranger sit on it. There's just no way this is going to work and I don't know what to say to her. Shit.
We put our Christmas tree up this weekend - this year we went with colored lights instead of white ones because I figured it would make baby decaf happy, which it did. He's very excited about the tree even though he isn't sure what it's doing in the house.
I have been terribly bored for the last four hours and so I've been typing and typing and typing. Emails, message boards and now blogs. My fingers hurt and I still feel lonely and bored. Lonely and it's not even a weekday! Well, okay - technically it is, but still...
I'm pissed off because over the weekend I didn't get a single personal email. What the fuck is that?? I write a ton of email to people - why don't they write back? That kind of goes against the whole idea of what communication is all about - it's a two way thing, if one end of the line isn't even sure the other end is getting the words - what the fuck is the point? I'm just pissed...I make an effort and then I sit there and wait for something to happen - I think, in general, people just suck.
Maybe I do, too, I don't know.
Anyway...
I'm now using Xeno's recommended web access tools...Firefox for browsing and Thunderbird for email - so far so good. Take a look at his blog for the links to make it all gel nicely. It took a few days and Xeno to figure out why I couldn't get Thunderbird to be able to receive my Gmail PoP email, but he finally figured it out when he recommended that I should double check my router settings to make sure the port wasn't blocked, which I swore it wasn't - but it was. I'm absolutely thrilled to be able to use Gmail and compose emails in HTML again, plus of course I was tired of having to go back and forth to Gmail's webpage. I'm not big on HTML in email, not like fluffy backgrounds or anything - but you know, bold is a nice thing to have access to, as is embedding images into the email instead of making them attachments. Bluck.
Well, this ought to be a semi-slow week instead of the usual 'sllloooowwwww' week I have - my sister MIGHT come to visit me before she leaves to go on her cruise on Wednesday, and uhm...that's it. God, is that really it?? Let me check my calendar...oh, yes - cool, something else to break up the monotany - my son has his Winter Choral Concert on Tuesday night at 7 so now I have that to look forward to. :) Yay! I love to watch him sing - he's so talented. The most handsome boy in the entire school, and man does it make me proud to see him up on that stage. I can't believe I forgot that was this week...cool!
Regarding my other son who has semi-disowned me because his father (the ex) has a pretty girlfriend and a cooler car than I do...my sister advised me to not get him a birthday present or Christmas present this year (he's turning 16 on the 20th) but I just can't do that, I hope I see him for his birthday - it's a big deal, I know - but I talked to my mom about it and she agrees with me, not acknowledging his birthday or Christmas in any way wouldn't be the right thing to do no matter how ugly he's been with me lately. I can't get him much of anything since we're flat broke anyway, but I'm not going to do nothing - just can't do that.
Huh. I'm bored. I was just staring at this hideously ugly signed print that was my father's, so I keep it - it's titled "Matrons & Marginal Women in Medieval Society" ... I decided to look up the artist on the web, and what the hell do you know - he's got a website... www.kenhull.com - of course, my print is only worth $55 unframed and unsigned, but heh...weird that I own it. God I hate that picture, I just can't get rid of it because it was my dad's.
Well, what do you know - I have officially run out of things to ramble on about. I guess I'll go and play a stupid word game on yahoo games or something.
I got an email from the other woman who was a student at my Reiki class. She wants to come over to my house and practice once a week and I don't know what to tell her. I know I have to respond to the email - it's been in my inbox for three days now and I feel terrible that I haven't replied. It's just that I'm so embarrassed about my house - we don't have anything nice, it's not decorated, and to say the least; I'm not a neat-freak. Hell, we need to plan our move to the west coast and implement a plan of attack to free ourselves of all kinds of crap TEN MONTHS in advance just so we have enough time to accomplish it! I honestly don't know what to say to her. And from a practicality standpoint - there's nowhere in my home to actually practice Reiki - I don't have a massage table, my dining room table is too small and unstable, and my sofa is so old and broken down I'd never let a stranger sit on it. There's just no way this is going to work and I don't know what to say to her. Shit.
We put our Christmas tree up this weekend - this year we went with colored lights instead of white ones because I figured it would make baby decaf happy, which it did. He's very excited about the tree even though he isn't sure what it's doing in the house.
I have been terribly bored for the last four hours and so I've been typing and typing and typing. Emails, message boards and now blogs. My fingers hurt and I still feel lonely and bored. Lonely and it's not even a weekday! Well, okay - technically it is, but still...
I'm pissed off because over the weekend I didn't get a single personal email. What the fuck is that?? I write a ton of email to people - why don't they write back? That kind of goes against the whole idea of what communication is all about - it's a two way thing, if one end of the line isn't even sure the other end is getting the words - what the fuck is the point? I'm just pissed...I make an effort and then I sit there and wait for something to happen - I think, in general, people just suck.
Maybe I do, too, I don't know.
Anyway...
I'm now using Xeno's recommended web access tools...Firefox for browsing and Thunderbird for email - so far so good. Take a look at his blog for the links to make it all gel nicely. It took a few days and Xeno to figure out why I couldn't get Thunderbird to be able to receive my Gmail PoP email, but he finally figured it out when he recommended that I should double check my router settings to make sure the port wasn't blocked, which I swore it wasn't - but it was. I'm absolutely thrilled to be able to use Gmail and compose emails in HTML again, plus of course I was tired of having to go back and forth to Gmail's webpage. I'm not big on HTML in email, not like fluffy backgrounds or anything - but you know, bold is a nice thing to have access to, as is embedding images into the email instead of making them attachments. Bluck.
Well, this ought to be a semi-slow week instead of the usual 'sllloooowwwww' week I have - my sister MIGHT come to visit me before she leaves to go on her cruise on Wednesday, and uhm...that's it. God, is that really it?? Let me check my calendar...oh, yes - cool, something else to break up the monotany - my son has his Winter Choral Concert on Tuesday night at 7 so now I have that to look forward to. :) Yay! I love to watch him sing - he's so talented. The most handsome boy in the entire school, and man does it make me proud to see him up on that stage. I can't believe I forgot that was this week...cool!
Regarding my other son who has semi-disowned me because his father (the ex) has a pretty girlfriend and a cooler car than I do...my sister advised me to not get him a birthday present or Christmas present this year (he's turning 16 on the 20th) but I just can't do that, I hope I see him for his birthday - it's a big deal, I know - but I talked to my mom about it and she agrees with me, not acknowledging his birthday or Christmas in any way wouldn't be the right thing to do no matter how ugly he's been with me lately. I can't get him much of anything since we're flat broke anyway, but I'm not going to do nothing - just can't do that.
Huh. I'm bored. I was just staring at this hideously ugly signed print that was my father's, so I keep it - it's titled "Matrons & Marginal Women in Medieval Society" ... I decided to look up the artist on the web, and what the hell do you know - he's got a website... www.kenhull.com - of course, my print is only worth $55 unframed and unsigned, but heh...weird that I own it. God I hate that picture, I just can't get rid of it because it was my dad's.
Well, what do you know - I have officially run out of things to ramble on about. I guess I'll go and play a stupid word game on yahoo games or something.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Ramblings
So, baby boy Short Decaf is going to the pediatrician in about 10 hours because I'm convinced he's underweight. He just won't eat unless you practically duct tape him to a chair and pry his mouth open with a jackhammer. Either he's just too busy or there's something wrong, or - there's nothing to worry about at all. Either way, it will be good to get SOME input from the doctor tomorrow. What kid doesn't like to eat???
Found a cool / funny website... well, a friend showed it to me and I can't stop reading it... The Jargon Lexicon
Finished my Reiki 1 classes last night and got a certificate and all that - it was really awesome, I am so proud of myself for starting the classes and seeing them all the way through to the end. Now I can't wait to start Reiki'ing everything in sight.
I really have nothing else to say so...that's it. Glad it's Friday, though, finally.
Found a cool / funny website... well, a friend showed it to me and I can't stop reading it... The Jargon Lexicon
Finished my Reiki 1 classes last night and got a certificate and all that - it was really awesome, I am so proud of myself for starting the classes and seeing them all the way through to the end. Now I can't wait to start Reiki'ing everything in sight.
I really have nothing else to say so...that's it. Glad it's Friday, though, finally.
I want to be Beth Hart
www.bethhart.com
Hell, I'm practically her now. Just need longer hair.
LA Song
By: BETH HART
From the CD: SCREAMIN FOR MY SUPPER
She hangs around the boulevard
She's a local girl with local scars
She got home late
She drank so hard the bottle ached
& she tried
but nothin's clear in a bar full a flies
So she takes
She understands when she gives it away
She says
Man I gotta get outta this town
Man I gotta get outta this pain
Man I gotta get outta this town
Outta this town & out of L.A.
She's gotta gun
She got a gun she calls the lucky one
She left a note right by the phone
Don't leave a message 'cause this ain't no home
& she cried
She cried so long her tears ran dry
Then she laughed
'Cause she knew she was never comin' back
She said
Man I'm gonna get outta this town
Man I'm gonna get outta this pain
Man I'm gonna get outta this town
Outta this town & out of L.A.
It's all she loves It's all she hates It's all too much for her
to take she can't be sure just where it ends or where
the good life begins
So she took a train
to a little old town without a name
She met a man he took her in
but fed her all the same bullshit again
'Cause he lied
he lied like a salesman sellin' flies
So she screamed
it's a different place
but the same old thang
It's all I love It's all I hate It's all too much for me to take
I can't be sure where it begins or if the good life lies within
So she said
Man I gotta get out of this town
Yeah now I gotta get back on that train
Man I gotta get out of this town
I'm outta my pain
So I'm goin' back to L.A.
Hell, I'm practically her now. Just need longer hair.
LA Song
By: BETH HART
From the CD: SCREAMIN FOR MY SUPPER
She hangs around the boulevard
She's a local girl with local scars
She got home late
She drank so hard the bottle ached
& she tried
but nothin's clear in a bar full a flies
So she takes
She understands when she gives it away
She says
Man I gotta get outta this town
Man I gotta get outta this pain
Man I gotta get outta this town
Outta this town & out of L.A.
She's gotta gun
She got a gun she calls the lucky one
She left a note right by the phone
Don't leave a message 'cause this ain't no home
& she cried
She cried so long her tears ran dry
Then she laughed
'Cause she knew she was never comin' back
She said
Man I'm gonna get outta this town
Man I'm gonna get outta this pain
Man I'm gonna get outta this town
Outta this town & out of L.A.
It's all she loves It's all she hates It's all too much for her
to take she can't be sure just where it ends or where
the good life begins
So she took a train
to a little old town without a name
She met a man he took her in
but fed her all the same bullshit again
'Cause he lied
he lied like a salesman sellin' flies
So she screamed
it's a different place
but the same old thang
It's all I love It's all I hate It's all too much for me to take
I can't be sure where it begins or if the good life lies within
So she said
Man I gotta get out of this town
Yeah now I gotta get back on that train
Man I gotta get out of this town
I'm outta my pain
So I'm goin' back to L.A.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Turkey
I have too much left over turkey...I wonder what the hell to do with it. Can you make Chicken Makhani with turkey? Hmmmm. I wish I had a friend who knew all about Indian cooking to ask this most important question. Venti - if you read this and need to figure something out - RESEARCH!!! :) WE NEED INDIAN FOOD.
Why Georgetown Scares Me
I meant to write about this a few days ago, Sunday actually, but never got around to doing it. While searching on Amazon for a present for my son, a coat, I was reminded of our drive through Georgetown and how utterly freakish it was to see how everyone was dressed IDENTICALLY. I suppose in order to be welcome in this very expensive section of Washington DC you must be wearing the following outfit: Blue jeans (trendy), black leather shoes (trendy), a (trendy) scarf, and above all else, a black coat. Now, the coat can be only one of two styles, but it must be black or you stand out, people point and stare - it's just not pretty. The coat must be a leather jacket, short and unadorned, simple in style and cut, or a wool peacoat - and don't forget, (trendy).
This area of DC is supposed to be trendy - the shops certainly are, but absolutely every single person I saw was wearing this same outfit. This goes against the very nature of every single store in "the zone" - trendy was all you saw in the windows.
What freaked me out the most, however, is that when I looked at what Venti and I were wearing, we were wearing the uniform, too!!! That's it - we've become LIKE THEM!! We're moving. I'm serious. 10 months from now we'll be back on the west coast and away from the Stepford communities here. I can't take it anymore - there is NO individuality, you MUST conform or you're a freak - and I always wanted to live in a town full of freaks, but not THIS kind of freaky!
I saw two girls in Georgetown who knew what they were doing, one had bleached platinum hair with a long black streak, her friend had purple hair, neither of them were wearing anything black and they both were laughing quite largely. Nobody in the black coats was laughing - another oddity. Fuckin Republicans.
I can't wait to move, I can't wait to not be ashamed of my real self, to express my inner self on the outside - and if I do decide to wear my black leather jacket, I'll know that I won't be in the majority - and that feels good.
I wonder what all of those people in Georgetown on Sunday REALLY wanted to be wearing. Who are they really? If they stopped hiding their true selves and just allowed their real selves to shine, what would I have seen instead? Why were they all so unhappy on such an incredibly beautiful Fall day? They must have had money - nobody shops there who doesn't, so it can't be that they were all financially sick - money can't buy happiness for these people I guess. Now - give me a shot at that one and I'll be happy, still not wear the "uniform" and probably dye my hair blue.
Another point I'd like to make about Georgetown is that NOBODY knows how to drive - you aren't even safe walking in this area because of it. I saw many people get nearly mowed down by idiots who don't know the "people in crosswalks get to go before you, asshole" law. Nobody, not a single soul will let you out of an intersection, ever. You MUST drive like an asshole to get out of Georgetown. I felt a little better once we got back into Virginia - but I think I'll feel a hell of a lot better once we get 3,000 miles away.
This area of DC is supposed to be trendy - the shops certainly are, but absolutely every single person I saw was wearing this same outfit. This goes against the very nature of every single store in "the zone" - trendy was all you saw in the windows.
What freaked me out the most, however, is that when I looked at what Venti and I were wearing, we were wearing the uniform, too!!! That's it - we've become LIKE THEM!! We're moving. I'm serious. 10 months from now we'll be back on the west coast and away from the Stepford communities here. I can't take it anymore - there is NO individuality, you MUST conform or you're a freak - and I always wanted to live in a town full of freaks, but not THIS kind of freaky!
I saw two girls in Georgetown who knew what they were doing, one had bleached platinum hair with a long black streak, her friend had purple hair, neither of them were wearing anything black and they both were laughing quite largely. Nobody in the black coats was laughing - another oddity. Fuckin Republicans.
I can't wait to move, I can't wait to not be ashamed of my real self, to express my inner self on the outside - and if I do decide to wear my black leather jacket, I'll know that I won't be in the majority - and that feels good.
I wonder what all of those people in Georgetown on Sunday REALLY wanted to be wearing. Who are they really? If they stopped hiding their true selves and just allowed their real selves to shine, what would I have seen instead? Why were they all so unhappy on such an incredibly beautiful Fall day? They must have had money - nobody shops there who doesn't, so it can't be that they were all financially sick - money can't buy happiness for these people I guess. Now - give me a shot at that one and I'll be happy, still not wear the "uniform" and probably dye my hair blue.
Another point I'd like to make about Georgetown is that NOBODY knows how to drive - you aren't even safe walking in this area because of it. I saw many people get nearly mowed down by idiots who don't know the "people in crosswalks get to go before you, asshole" law. Nobody, not a single soul will let you out of an intersection, ever. You MUST drive like an asshole to get out of Georgetown. I felt a little better once we got back into Virginia - but I think I'll feel a hell of a lot better once we get 3,000 miles away.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
The Kitten's Nest: [Music/Philosophy] All God's critters got a place in the choir...
A comment to a post that I made about destinations....point A to B, but in regard to musical notes.
The Kitten's Nest: [Music/Philosophy] All God's critters got a place in the choir...
The Kitten's Nest: [Music/Philosophy] All God's critters got a place in the choir...
Buddhism It Is Then...
|
| You scored as Buddhist. You are a Buddhist
You basically get lost in the sea of conflicting ideas as your mind hasn't been developed to discern truth from halftruth. You entertain many philosophical ideas that don't apply to your daily life or actually fulfill you in any way. Maybe you didn't have a strong background of faith and morality growing up, which is why you have basically no convictions whatsoever. Follow your heart, it will guide you to the obvious truth and its simplicity will astonish you. Tarot cards, astrology, and witchcraft will be a temptation for you. Be careful.
Religion created with QuizFarm.com |
I wonder why I better be careful with the Tarot cards ... they're in my purse right now....maybe the damn cat's going to knock my purse over again. Ugh. Also nice to know I have no convictions...wonder if that's true.....hmmm.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Post Turkey Day - I want some naan
So I downloaded a couple of recipes for chicken makhani made with tandoori chicken, along with some different Naan bread recipes...it all seems like such a pain in the ass to make, but damn if I'm not like - intensely - craving it. I'm not feeling very festive this year for some reason - our family didn't celebrate Thanksgiving today, but will on Saturday with my side of the family. I guess the prospect of that has sucked any sliver of enthusiasm right out of me. I was kind of looking forward to it until my mom called earlier tonight and pulled some bullshit about not wanting me to come down tomorrow, but instead waiting until Saturday morning. Like I fucking want to drive for 3 hours and then eat a giant meal, then climb back in the car and drive home? Uhm...wow, just so not looking forward to that.
And of all the fucking days for my mom to pull this shit, she picks a day that Venti and I had an argument of major proportions about my hating living here and wanting to move closer to my sister in Pennsylvania...I swore my family wasn't nuts - then my mom just shows up and disproves me. God, one call and my whole argument feels so discredited. By the end of the day - now - I am once again trying to convince myself that I really do want to move back to Seattle. My son wants to, my husband wants to - and if the baby gets a vote and says he wants to move to Seattle, too - I'm outnumbered. You'd think, being the mom, I'd get like a double vote or something Republican like that - but no - we have to be a democratic household.
I'm so confused about what to do and how to feel - I don't know what the right thing to do is... be close to my sister but ruin my husband emotionally because he refuses to live in PA, or move 3000 miles away from my only true best friend in the world so that he's happy. Either way, one of us is going to be miserable for the rest of our lives and end up resenting the other for it - I just know it. If only my son hadn't weighed in with his opinion about preferring Seattle to PA it would have made my feelings a little clearer, but he's getting too old not to be included in things of such importance, and I can't ignore his wishes lest he resent me for the rest of his life, as well. So then I'd have two people pissed at me forever.
But...I don't know what I want to do, I only know that I'm tired of being so alone. This town is so fucking unfriendly - so cold and it moves at an incredibly fast pace. I hate it so much. Venti checked out some of the classes offered in the town we're considering moving to near Seattle and they had just a shitload of incredibly interesting things - "A Soul's Journey....", "Reiki...", all the shit I'm interested in. There's only one place in this town to go to classes like that and I already go ... I get my first Reiki attunement on Thursday so I'm really excited about that - plus, I'll be starting my level 2 in January, which is even more exciting to me.
My son is watching Beautician and the Beast (with Fran Drescher) - that still makes me laugh everytime I watch it...it's gotta be in my top 20 favorite movies list. Fran Drescher is so ultimately cool.
I also found a recipe for - get this - a coffee bean body scrub from Bali's spa's....(again with the no segues, I know.) The final step of the body treatment is to rub carrot on your skin to seal in moisture that exfoliation may have stripped...so I'm thinking, yeah - I'm a mom, ain't no way I'm grating carrots - I'll buy 2 jars of baby food carrots to shellac that moisture in. Anyway, I've got like 4 pounds of Sumatra beans in my freezer I know nobody is ever going to grind so ... if this is a good body scrub I'll try to figure out a way to jar it up and give it to my sisters for Christmas since this is such a "we're so fucking broke" Christmas. They'll laugh at the carrots but I don't care. :) Oddly enough, it doesn't say to rinse the grated carrot off in the instructions, although I'm certain you have to - wouldn't it be hilarious if one of my sisters didn't and ended up orange? Heh. I'd be right there with the digital camera.
So...Thanksgiving has sucked. Venti and I bitched back and forth 1/2 the day, I had yucky soup for dinner, and Andy got fired on the Apprentice (why the fuck is Jenn still there???) ...my mom doesn't want me to arrive at her house until Saturday because my oldest "prized" sister will be there and we'd be in the way - maybe I'll leave out the "rinse the grated carrot off after 2 minutes." step on her body scrub gift. Tomorrow is going to be boring as hell, as well - it's a shame we don't have any money - it sure would be nice to hit some of those Black Friday sales - although I prefer to do ALL serious shopping online....it's hard to resist a Leapfrog for twenty bucks at Wally World.
I'll try to bitch at least a LITTLE more in my next entry ;)
And of all the fucking days for my mom to pull this shit, she picks a day that Venti and I had an argument of major proportions about my hating living here and wanting to move closer to my sister in Pennsylvania...I swore my family wasn't nuts - then my mom just shows up and disproves me. God, one call and my whole argument feels so discredited. By the end of the day - now - I am once again trying to convince myself that I really do want to move back to Seattle. My son wants to, my husband wants to - and if the baby gets a vote and says he wants to move to Seattle, too - I'm outnumbered. You'd think, being the mom, I'd get like a double vote or something Republican like that - but no - we have to be a democratic household.
I'm so confused about what to do and how to feel - I don't know what the right thing to do is... be close to my sister but ruin my husband emotionally because he refuses to live in PA, or move 3000 miles away from my only true best friend in the world so that he's happy. Either way, one of us is going to be miserable for the rest of our lives and end up resenting the other for it - I just know it. If only my son hadn't weighed in with his opinion about preferring Seattle to PA it would have made my feelings a little clearer, but he's getting too old not to be included in things of such importance, and I can't ignore his wishes lest he resent me for the rest of his life, as well. So then I'd have two people pissed at me forever.
But...I don't know what I want to do, I only know that I'm tired of being so alone. This town is so fucking unfriendly - so cold and it moves at an incredibly fast pace. I hate it so much. Venti checked out some of the classes offered in the town we're considering moving to near Seattle and they had just a shitload of incredibly interesting things - "A Soul's Journey....", "Reiki...", all the shit I'm interested in. There's only one place in this town to go to classes like that and I already go ... I get my first Reiki attunement on Thursday so I'm really excited about that - plus, I'll be starting my level 2 in January, which is even more exciting to me.
My son is watching Beautician and the Beast (with Fran Drescher) - that still makes me laugh everytime I watch it...it's gotta be in my top 20 favorite movies list. Fran Drescher is so ultimately cool.
I also found a recipe for - get this - a coffee bean body scrub from Bali's spa's....(again with the no segues, I know.) The final step of the body treatment is to rub carrot on your skin to seal in moisture that exfoliation may have stripped...so I'm thinking, yeah - I'm a mom, ain't no way I'm grating carrots - I'll buy 2 jars of baby food carrots to shellac that moisture in. Anyway, I've got like 4 pounds of Sumatra beans in my freezer I know nobody is ever going to grind so ... if this is a good body scrub I'll try to figure out a way to jar it up and give it to my sisters for Christmas since this is such a "we're so fucking broke" Christmas. They'll laugh at the carrots but I don't care. :) Oddly enough, it doesn't say to rinse the grated carrot off in the instructions, although I'm certain you have to - wouldn't it be hilarious if one of my sisters didn't and ended up orange? Heh. I'd be right there with the digital camera.
So...Thanksgiving has sucked. Venti and I bitched back and forth 1/2 the day, I had yucky soup for dinner, and Andy got fired on the Apprentice (why the fuck is Jenn still there???) ...my mom doesn't want me to arrive at her house until Saturday because my oldest "prized" sister will be there and we'd be in the way - maybe I'll leave out the "rinse the grated carrot off after 2 minutes." step on her body scrub gift. Tomorrow is going to be boring as hell, as well - it's a shame we don't have any money - it sure would be nice to hit some of those Black Friday sales - although I prefer to do ALL serious shopping online....it's hard to resist a Leapfrog for twenty bucks at Wally World.
I'll try to bitch at least a LITTLE more in my next entry ;)
The Kitten's Nest: [Blog Stuff] Small hiatus...
Made a comment here about a teacher suing a school because he pushed his Christianity a bit too far with the kids....
The Kitten's Nest: [Blog Stuff] Small hiatus...
The Kitten's Nest: [Blog Stuff] Small hiatus...
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
It's Turkey Day
Wow, what a suckfest - we're not even making a Turkey since we're traveling to my mom's house this weekend to celebrate Thanksgiving and we've got about $50 to our name at the moment. I did, however, manage to buy two pumpkin pies. I hate that we don't know anyone around here and can't celebrate Thanksgiving with friends, at least, today. I wouldn't have mind (minded?) cooking a big dinner - I love that. Cleaning it up - different story. It would just be really nice not to spend the holiday alone - the four of us sitting here staring at each other wishing Taco Bell was open....and wishing we wouldn't have already watched the two new movies that came out this week. (Harry Potter and The Terminal - the Terminal was great, btw.)
We went and toured a teeny bit of DC yesterday - went to the National Archives and the Museum of Natural History (Dinosaur Museum.) I liked the Hope Diamond - that was cool, as it always has been every time I've ever visited the museum. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be the women who have worn those pieces of jewelry in those exhibits, God they're beautiful and just ... I WANT!!!! :(
You know what I miss about museums from my childhood? The feel. No more hardwood floors and giant windows, no tour guides, no "take your time and enjoy." All of that is way long gone. The Smithsonian today was like a ride at Disney - when you finally DO push your way through the door (and get through security) you've become a part of the flow of people all moving along, and don't you dare fuck up that motion by stopping to stare at something. I was literally pushed along the perimeter of the Rotunda at the National Archives (where the original copies of the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights and Constitution are) because God forbid I should want to put my face really close to the glass and scrutinize it. Afterall, why would I want to bask in the glorious moment of knowing that my face is like, 3 inches from something our founding father's actually touched??? I fucking hate people who are pushy - and so I was pushed through too quickly and didn't got to ogle. I also touched the glass and got a warning from the security guard. Oops! See...that kind of stuff didn't happen when I was an elementary school kid going on fieldtrips to DC - it was all so different, people were different, I suppose. Oh, I don't mean the security guard - she was great, it's the people who didn't feel as though I was keeping the wash of people moving quickly enough.
You travel to see these great things - what in the name of all hell is the fucking rush???
Anyway, I also miss how museums used to smell - I miss the velvet ropes. Today I took pictures of my son in front of a gaudily painted "Made Possible by a Generous Donation From the Orken Company" insect mural. Yes, a pest control company paid for a giant exhibit in the Smithsonian. About bugs. I'm still trying to figure out how many ways that's tripping on irony.
However, the pictures of my son were fucking adorable. Both sons, actually - I have great looking kids :)
See?
Anyway, so we have to travel to Maryland on Friday - of all fucking days we need to drive around DC on Black Friday!?? Ugh - what the hell is wrong with my family - why couldn't we have done it today - it's turkey day TODAY! Not Saturday - it's like, who's going to be festive by then anyway - we're all gonna be getting into Christmas gear wishing we were at home putting our trees up and shopping (those of us who do have money.) Who doesn't GET this??
So, no segues, I put pink streaks in my hair, they look really cool and it's really going to piss my family off - which was my intention. I am certain I need to bring this up with a therapist. Maybe she'll say that I believe if I give them something as outrageous as a few hot pink streaks in my hair to focus on they'll ignore my "problem" with panic attacks, which is my attempt to mask my inner shame about having anxiety issues in the first place. Hmm...I wonder if that's true. Wish I was a psychologist, I'd have just made $120.
We went and toured a teeny bit of DC yesterday - went to the National Archives and the Museum of Natural History (Dinosaur Museum.) I liked the Hope Diamond - that was cool, as it always has been every time I've ever visited the museum. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be the women who have worn those pieces of jewelry in those exhibits, God they're beautiful and just ... I WANT!!!! :(
You know what I miss about museums from my childhood? The feel. No more hardwood floors and giant windows, no tour guides, no "take your time and enjoy." All of that is way long gone. The Smithsonian today was like a ride at Disney - when you finally DO push your way through the door (and get through security) you've become a part of the flow of people all moving along, and don't you dare fuck up that motion by stopping to stare at something. I was literally pushed along the perimeter of the Rotunda at the National Archives (where the original copies of the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights and Constitution are) because God forbid I should want to put my face really close to the glass and scrutinize it. Afterall, why would I want to bask in the glorious moment of knowing that my face is like, 3 inches from something our founding father's actually touched??? I fucking hate people who are pushy - and so I was pushed through too quickly and didn't got to ogle. I also touched the glass and got a warning from the security guard. Oops! See...that kind of stuff didn't happen when I was an elementary school kid going on fieldtrips to DC - it was all so different, people were different, I suppose. Oh, I don't mean the security guard - she was great, it's the people who didn't feel as though I was keeping the wash of people moving quickly enough.
You travel to see these great things - what in the name of all hell is the fucking rush???
Anyway, I also miss how museums used to smell - I miss the velvet ropes. Today I took pictures of my son in front of a gaudily painted "Made Possible by a Generous Donation From the Orken Company" insect mural. Yes, a pest control company paid for a giant exhibit in the Smithsonian. About bugs. I'm still trying to figure out how many ways that's tripping on irony.
However, the pictures of my son were fucking adorable. Both sons, actually - I have great looking kids :)
See?
Anyway, so we have to travel to Maryland on Friday - of all fucking days we need to drive around DC on Black Friday!?? Ugh - what the hell is wrong with my family - why couldn't we have done it today - it's turkey day TODAY! Not Saturday - it's like, who's going to be festive by then anyway - we're all gonna be getting into Christmas gear wishing we were at home putting our trees up and shopping (those of us who do have money.) Who doesn't GET this??
So, no segues, I put pink streaks in my hair, they look really cool and it's really going to piss my family off - which was my intention. I am certain I need to bring this up with a therapist. Maybe she'll say that I believe if I give them something as outrageous as a few hot pink streaks in my hair to focus on they'll ignore my "problem" with panic attacks, which is my attempt to mask my inner shame about having anxiety issues in the first place. Hmm...I wonder if that's true. Wish I was a psychologist, I'd have just made $120.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Local Restaurant Reviews are Fun to Do
So I went to dine.com and did a few restaurant reviews for my town - also visited a page that is specifically for my county and did restaurant reviews there. If you're ever totally bored with your life, have nothing better to do than wait for your laundry to dry, write restaurant reviews. It's hellish fun reading what others before you have said then making an ass out of them. One guy was pissed because there were kids and no wine at my absolute favorite family-restaurant, what a dick.
Why am I up at 5am I have no clue. Oh - that's right, waiting for my laundry to dry - but in about ten minutes I know I'm gonna cave in and say screw it, damn the wrinkles...I'm going the hell to bed.
It's such a slow week - and I want it to be over with so that Venti will start his vacation. Of course, next week is the family visit for Thanksgiving, but talking to Venti while the kids are passed out sleeping in the backseat of the car for 2 1/2 hours will make the whole trip worth it. I love talking to him because he's not stupid, boring, or an ass - plus he adores me, which is always a plus conversationally.
Thursday...ugh, only??? Well, tonight is my third Reiki class - one more after this and I'm certified, woohoo! Also, the Apprentice is on which is something I absolutely must watch. I love hearing myself think "Oh my God you people are so fucking STUPID!!!!" Then Venti says the same things I'm thinking and we talk about how much better we could do. But...not sure I'd want to work for The Donald, really - because I don't want to drive that butt-ugly car to work every day, the one that the winner got last year. (Can't remember the name...but it's that "thing" that looks like a pimped out milk delivery truck from the 50's.)
Drinking apple juice before you go to bed is stupid - it causes heartburn, I know this. Why am I drinking it?
Watched an older Bette Midler movie tonight called "That Old Feeling" - it had Dennis Farina in it, too - he's always fun to watch. But there was a guy who played the character Joey - Danny Nucci - I don't know why, but the dude just creeps me out. Because it's so close to payday, I bought another old movie off of ebay for .79 - it's the shipping that gets you - but anyway, it was Wag the Dog with Dustin Hoffman and Robert Dinero - the one where they fake a war or something like that to take the heat off the Prez for having an affair? I loved that movie - when I saw it was "Buy it Now" for so little I couldn't resist. How cool is that movie?? I forgot I wanted to add it to our collection but now the deed is done.
Oh my God I just forgot to breathe because I was so focused on typing that stupid paragraph and I had one of those "SHIT, I'm not breathing!!!" moments ... anyone who's a computer geek has had this happen, I'm sure. Always makes me feel like an idiot - how do you forget to breathe just because you're typing 120wpm??? DUH!!!
Why am I up at 5am I have no clue. Oh - that's right, waiting for my laundry to dry - but in about ten minutes I know I'm gonna cave in and say screw it, damn the wrinkles...I'm going the hell to bed.
It's such a slow week - and I want it to be over with so that Venti will start his vacation. Of course, next week is the family visit for Thanksgiving, but talking to Venti while the kids are passed out sleeping in the backseat of the car for 2 1/2 hours will make the whole trip worth it. I love talking to him because he's not stupid, boring, or an ass - plus he adores me, which is always a plus conversationally.
Thursday...ugh, only??? Well, tonight is my third Reiki class - one more after this and I'm certified, woohoo! Also, the Apprentice is on which is something I absolutely must watch. I love hearing myself think "Oh my God you people are so fucking STUPID!!!!" Then Venti says the same things I'm thinking and we talk about how much better we could do. But...not sure I'd want to work for The Donald, really - because I don't want to drive that butt-ugly car to work every day, the one that the winner got last year. (Can't remember the name...but it's that "thing" that looks like a pimped out milk delivery truck from the 50's.)
Drinking apple juice before you go to bed is stupid - it causes heartburn, I know this. Why am I drinking it?
Watched an older Bette Midler movie tonight called "That Old Feeling" - it had Dennis Farina in it, too - he's always fun to watch. But there was a guy who played the character Joey - Danny Nucci - I don't know why, but the dude just creeps me out. Because it's so close to payday, I bought another old movie off of ebay for .79 - it's the shipping that gets you - but anyway, it was Wag the Dog with Dustin Hoffman and Robert Dinero - the one where they fake a war or something like that to take the heat off the Prez for having an affair? I loved that movie - when I saw it was "Buy it Now" for so little I couldn't resist. How cool is that movie?? I forgot I wanted to add it to our collection but now the deed is done.
Oh my God I just forgot to breathe because I was so focused on typing that stupid paragraph and I had one of those "SHIT, I'm not breathing!!!" moments ... anyone who's a computer geek has had this happen, I'm sure. Always makes me feel like an idiot - how do you forget to breathe just because you're typing 120wpm??? DUH!!!
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Monday, November 15, 2004
Rambling Because I'm Sick of Politics
This is my anti-politics rant about my life in general, which I think is important, too. I hear and read so much political bullshit all week and I need a break, so here it goes...
We threw away our Halloween pumpkins tonight - tomorrow the garbage guys will have to pick them up. I wonder how many stupid pumpkins they have to see in the days and weeks following Halloween? You know how jack-o-lanterns get, right? They look like old men without teeth. Venti made one of our small pumpkins look like Mike Wazowski from ... oh, shit, what's that Pixar movie...Monsters, Inc. Now, two weeks after Halloween it just looks like a one-eyed old man, caved in mouth and wrinkly...his "lid" fell into his face as well. I also didn't use cheap candles to light these suckers up this year - basically because it was an hour before trick-or-treat when the pumpkins were carved and I didn't have any cheap candles. So, I bet you that there's ten bucks worth of candles inside of those two pumpkins, now sitting by the trash cans. Makes me wonder how many dollars worth of candles were thrown away for this very same reason. I bet it would boggle the mind.
You know those frozen "entrees" you can get at Walmart or Food Lion or any grocery store, really - sometimes they cost less than a dollar? Well, I got two of the "pizza" ones at Walmart the other day for .87 cents. They didn't suck. The only problem is that they are too easy to make and so you find yourself at 2am going, "I'm hungry." Then you eat one and get heartburn.
Being poor makes people fat. I bet if I were a multi-millionaire and had a craving for something to eat at 2am, I would have had hummus or something. Because, you know, when you barely make enough to live on - frozen pizza in a nukeable cardboard box is possible, but $5.99 a pound hummus - and ya gotta buy pita bread, too - well, it's just not gonna happen. Hell, going to Taco Bell is a cheaper dinner for our whole family some nights than actually preparing a meal. I was looking at the flyer for Giant, our local grocery store - and even lunch meat - and not the good stuff - like, Tavern Ham - was on sale for $7.99 a pound. Who ARE these people that can afford that?? And didn't it used to be that making a sandwich was supposed to be inexpensive and "poor food?" Hell, not around here it isn't. So instead of hummus, or a nice simple sandwich, I'm eating a slab of questionable pizza that was cheap. Yeah - we're fat because we're poor, no doubt in my mind about that at all. Don't even bother factoring in how fucking depressing it is to be broke - which in turn makes you just feel like you need comfort food - it would blow your mind.
Tonight as I stood on my front porch - or perch - (I've got a higher than most townhouse entryway) I tried to figure out how many townhouses there were in my neighborhood. Our row has eight - and I could see 15 rows - so I figured, eventually, that there must be about 250 homes. And how many of these people do I know? None. I've spoken to four of them but it was short and awkward and more like "Oh, I really ought to say something or I'll just look like a total ass." I have tried to strike up a conversation before - it just doesn't work here. Nobody actually "lives" here - everyone is from somewhere else, so I'm not surprised.
I have been overeating for the past week. I don't know why. I want to believe it's because I'm pregnant. I wish I was sometimes. I don't normally stuff my face for no reason - so something must be up, maybe I'm depressed about my son disowning me for his fathers thin, blonde, more active plaything. She and his grandmother (satan) stole my baby and that just sucks.
It also sucks that I send him email and he never writes back. Never calls. I don't think I'll get him anything more than a card for his birthday or Christmas this year. I mean, it's the thought that counts, right? Basing your satisfaction on a gift by it's monetary value is just so base, don't you think? I do. So - I'll send him a card that says "Way to go sweetie on getting to be 16 and finally being able to get your drivers license...please don't drive an American car - you will die if you're hit by anything more than a shopping cart. Love, always, Mom. PS: Sorry the '91 Saab we were going to give you but you said you didn't want was such a suckfest for you - we're selling it and buying an enormous television - all Tivo'd up and cool as shit!!! Kisses!!!"
I sometimes wonder how much it would cost to transfer our entire movie collection onto DVD's...just ditch the VHS's and buy DVD replacements. We've got over 200 movies - I guess it would cost a lot but would be worth it as far as saving space goes. DVD's look cool all lined up - except those dumb-ass special edition boxes that are wider and thicker than the rest - there really ought to be more rigid standards.
My evil MIL never wrote back so I'm assuming that my Ace shut her the hell up. That's nice. Knowing that 'ha ha - I won." I know she got the email and I even resent it - but she still can't answer the question "what exactly did I do to 'start all this.'" I'm kind of bummed, though - I wanted a more difficult opponent to debate with. I needed some drama in my life because I'm totally fucking bored.
I'm going to visit with family for Thanksgiving and I like the shock value of them thinking I'm a freak - last time I went I had blue streaks in my hair - this time I should go with something bolder, like REALLY red, not sure if it would show up in my medium brown hair though and I'm sure as hell not bleaching spots so I can put bright streaks in - errrr....wait, that's not a totally horrible idea. Oh, God, I totally ought to get one of those fake eyebrow rings - I'll have to search for one...my sister and my mom would just freak. Heh. I'll be seeing my brother and his wife, whom I haven't seen in four years. Well, at least we've all gained weight.
Such a close, loving family, huh?
Watched the movie Elf tonight - it didn't totally suck, I guess. I'm a big Will Ferrell fan (but not to the point where I'm certain that I've spelled his name properly.) I feel like I'm cheating the universe in that the guy who loads the DVD rental machine at our local grocery store always puts the new releases in one day before they're supposed to be released - we always go on Monday to try to get the new movies, which we most often do. It's just empowering knowing everyone with a Blockbuster card has to wait an extra 24 hours to see the Stepford Wives.
Been wondering a bit about my thinking how just absolutely adorably cute Jason Bateman is - maybe even coming close to sexy. I have no clue where it comes from - but when I watch Arrested Development on Sunday nights ... well, I'm happier. I like quick-witted, charming, easy-smiling, sarcastic men... just - usually much taller than Jason Bateman.
It's 3 am and I could really go for a latte. Fucking Starbucks and their "we don't deliver or stay open late" policy. If I had a coffee shop I wouldn't stay open late or deliver either, that would just be stupid in this town. Maybe in DC or NYC or SF or something, but not here. There is nothing here. There is a local "after-hours coffee club" that has musical talent and poetry readings once a week, it starts at 8 - goes to 10. How in the FUCK is that 'after hours'? The place stays open till ten every night anyway! I shouldn't diss it though - it's the same place I'm going for my Reiki classes. Two more and I'm attuned bay-bay!
Was watching Trading Spouses on FOX tonight, before The Swan (which I NEVER miss - except for maybe next week when it's been shown that they discover the one swan candidate has cancer - I'm such a hypochondriac.) Anyway....the episode of Trading Spouses was so retarded. The one lady is a born-again Christian, which should tell you right away that she's a whack-job - then they switch her with a Jewish woman who happens to live like, four miles from my house. The Jewish woman's kids were fucking brats, and the Christian lady was a bawl-baby who, once outside of her natural habitat of "peace, love, Jesus, 'ain't this a nice fantasy bubble to stay in" just couldn't cope and was ready to go home. I have to give props to the Jewish lady - I wouldn't have wanted to put up with that husband she got stuck staying with for two weeks either....(shudder.) I used to hate reality shows, but I like Trading Spouses and The Swan - if I could watch Nanny 911 I would - but that's when West Wing is on and ain't no WAY I'm missing that this season. Plus, I called CJ being appointed Chief of Staff before it was obvious, because I'm just that good. This is why I need Tivo.
Did I mention we own a 20" TV? My monitor is 19". It's pathetic. You know what pisses me off the most about it though - yes even over the small size of it - is the sound quality. Why - during one show or movie do I have to keep my finger on the volume button? Can't it stay at the sane level I chose from the get-go? Is that my TV or just the way shit is?
I've smoked too much in the past few days. I have to try harder to not do that tomorrow. Quitting cigarettes sucks.
Man I sure hope this week passes quickly - more so than last week did, at least. Next week Venti is off the entire week for vacation time and so I won't have to spend my days all alone. Being alone sucks. God - it's just not natural!
And I'm getting that very deep primal urge to move again. I'm nomadic. It's hard for me to stay in one place for too long because ... well, I believe that if we move to a new state everything will pick up, we'll all be happier and tanned with incredibly huge white sparkly smiles. It never works that way, though - I just think it does - "grass is always greener" syndrome. But, well - the change has always been SOMETHING to do.
Man, 3 more years until my baby goes to school - or is it 2 more? I'll have to check. I will have to get a job when he hits 1st grade otherwise my head will explode from boredom.
A webfriend told me that Internet Explorer is, for the first time, losing market shares. I thought that was interesting.
Did you ever know that you were going to go to bed within a half hour but you wanted a soda, but you knew you couldn't finish a soda in a half hour? That's a conundrum I face most every night. And yes, our water sucks, so it's not like "oh shut up and just drink water dumbass." would work in this situation.
It's been a week since I got my wisdom teeth pulled out. Man did I act like a baby about it and man was it no big deal at all in the end. I still feel like an ass - but at least I'm not in hienous pain anymore. I'm just so glad that's over. I've been taking oral care more seriously lately - brushing, brushing, brushing, trying not to swear much, wondering if that Listerine commercial is utter bullshit or not - the one where it says swishing blue Listerine twice a day is just as effective as flossing. I hate Listerine in any color - but if true, the not flossing/healthy teeth and gums thing is appealing.
How in the fuck did Kerry not win the presidential election??????????
And now I'm back to politics so I'll shut up.
We threw away our Halloween pumpkins tonight - tomorrow the garbage guys will have to pick them up. I wonder how many stupid pumpkins they have to see in the days and weeks following Halloween? You know how jack-o-lanterns get, right? They look like old men without teeth. Venti made one of our small pumpkins look like Mike Wazowski from ... oh, shit, what's that Pixar movie...Monsters, Inc. Now, two weeks after Halloween it just looks like a one-eyed old man, caved in mouth and wrinkly...his "lid" fell into his face as well. I also didn't use cheap candles to light these suckers up this year - basically because it was an hour before trick-or-treat when the pumpkins were carved and I didn't have any cheap candles. So, I bet you that there's ten bucks worth of candles inside of those two pumpkins, now sitting by the trash cans. Makes me wonder how many dollars worth of candles were thrown away for this very same reason. I bet it would boggle the mind.
You know those frozen "entrees" you can get at Walmart or Food Lion or any grocery store, really - sometimes they cost less than a dollar? Well, I got two of the "pizza" ones at Walmart the other day for .87 cents. They didn't suck. The only problem is that they are too easy to make and so you find yourself at 2am going, "I'm hungry." Then you eat one and get heartburn.
Being poor makes people fat. I bet if I were a multi-millionaire and had a craving for something to eat at 2am, I would have had hummus or something. Because, you know, when you barely make enough to live on - frozen pizza in a nukeable cardboard box is possible, but $5.99 a pound hummus - and ya gotta buy pita bread, too - well, it's just not gonna happen. Hell, going to Taco Bell is a cheaper dinner for our whole family some nights than actually preparing a meal. I was looking at the flyer for Giant, our local grocery store - and even lunch meat - and not the good stuff - like, Tavern Ham - was on sale for $7.99 a pound. Who ARE these people that can afford that?? And didn't it used to be that making a sandwich was supposed to be inexpensive and "poor food?" Hell, not around here it isn't. So instead of hummus, or a nice simple sandwich, I'm eating a slab of questionable pizza that was cheap. Yeah - we're fat because we're poor, no doubt in my mind about that at all. Don't even bother factoring in how fucking depressing it is to be broke - which in turn makes you just feel like you need comfort food - it would blow your mind.
Tonight as I stood on my front porch - or perch - (I've got a higher than most townhouse entryway) I tried to figure out how many townhouses there were in my neighborhood. Our row has eight - and I could see 15 rows - so I figured, eventually, that there must be about 250 homes. And how many of these people do I know? None. I've spoken to four of them but it was short and awkward and more like "Oh, I really ought to say something or I'll just look like a total ass." I have tried to strike up a conversation before - it just doesn't work here. Nobody actually "lives" here - everyone is from somewhere else, so I'm not surprised.
I have been overeating for the past week. I don't know why. I want to believe it's because I'm pregnant. I wish I was sometimes. I don't normally stuff my face for no reason - so something must be up, maybe I'm depressed about my son disowning me for his fathers thin, blonde, more active plaything. She and his grandmother (satan) stole my baby and that just sucks.
It also sucks that I send him email and he never writes back. Never calls. I don't think I'll get him anything more than a card for his birthday or Christmas this year. I mean, it's the thought that counts, right? Basing your satisfaction on a gift by it's monetary value is just so base, don't you think? I do. So - I'll send him a card that says "Way to go sweetie on getting to be 16 and finally being able to get your drivers license...please don't drive an American car - you will die if you're hit by anything more than a shopping cart. Love, always, Mom. PS: Sorry the '91 Saab we were going to give you but you said you didn't want was such a suckfest for you - we're selling it and buying an enormous television - all Tivo'd up and cool as shit!!! Kisses!!!"
I sometimes wonder how much it would cost to transfer our entire movie collection onto DVD's...just ditch the VHS's and buy DVD replacements. We've got over 200 movies - I guess it would cost a lot but would be worth it as far as saving space goes. DVD's look cool all lined up - except those dumb-ass special edition boxes that are wider and thicker than the rest - there really ought to be more rigid standards.
My evil MIL never wrote back so I'm assuming that my Ace shut her the hell up. That's nice. Knowing that 'ha ha - I won." I know she got the email and I even resent it - but she still can't answer the question "what exactly did I do to 'start all this.'" I'm kind of bummed, though - I wanted a more difficult opponent to debate with. I needed some drama in my life because I'm totally fucking bored.
I'm going to visit with family for Thanksgiving and I like the shock value of them thinking I'm a freak - last time I went I had blue streaks in my hair - this time I should go with something bolder, like REALLY red, not sure if it would show up in my medium brown hair though and I'm sure as hell not bleaching spots so I can put bright streaks in - errrr....wait, that's not a totally horrible idea. Oh, God, I totally ought to get one of those fake eyebrow rings - I'll have to search for one...my sister and my mom would just freak. Heh. I'll be seeing my brother and his wife, whom I haven't seen in four years. Well, at least we've all gained weight.
Such a close, loving family, huh?
Watched the movie Elf tonight - it didn't totally suck, I guess. I'm a big Will Ferrell fan (but not to the point where I'm certain that I've spelled his name properly.) I feel like I'm cheating the universe in that the guy who loads the DVD rental machine at our local grocery store always puts the new releases in one day before they're supposed to be released - we always go on Monday to try to get the new movies, which we most often do. It's just empowering knowing everyone with a Blockbuster card has to wait an extra 24 hours to see the Stepford Wives.
Been wondering a bit about my thinking how just absolutely adorably cute Jason Bateman is - maybe even coming close to sexy. I have no clue where it comes from - but when I watch Arrested Development on Sunday nights ... well, I'm happier. I like quick-witted, charming, easy-smiling, sarcastic men... just - usually much taller than Jason Bateman.
It's 3 am and I could really go for a latte. Fucking Starbucks and their "we don't deliver or stay open late" policy. If I had a coffee shop I wouldn't stay open late or deliver either, that would just be stupid in this town. Maybe in DC or NYC or SF or something, but not here. There is nothing here. There is a local "after-hours coffee club" that has musical talent and poetry readings once a week, it starts at 8 - goes to 10. How in the FUCK is that 'after hours'? The place stays open till ten every night anyway! I shouldn't diss it though - it's the same place I'm going for my Reiki classes. Two more and I'm attuned bay-bay!
Was watching Trading Spouses on FOX tonight, before The Swan (which I NEVER miss - except for maybe next week when it's been shown that they discover the one swan candidate has cancer - I'm such a hypochondriac.) Anyway....the episode of Trading Spouses was so retarded. The one lady is a born-again Christian, which should tell you right away that she's a whack-job - then they switch her with a Jewish woman who happens to live like, four miles from my house. The Jewish woman's kids were fucking brats, and the Christian lady was a bawl-baby who, once outside of her natural habitat of "peace, love, Jesus, 'ain't this a nice fantasy bubble to stay in" just couldn't cope and was ready to go home. I have to give props to the Jewish lady - I wouldn't have wanted to put up with that husband she got stuck staying with for two weeks either....(shudder.) I used to hate reality shows, but I like Trading Spouses and The Swan - if I could watch Nanny 911 I would - but that's when West Wing is on and ain't no WAY I'm missing that this season. Plus, I called CJ being appointed Chief of Staff before it was obvious, because I'm just that good. This is why I need Tivo.
Did I mention we own a 20" TV? My monitor is 19". It's pathetic. You know what pisses me off the most about it though - yes even over the small size of it - is the sound quality. Why - during one show or movie do I have to keep my finger on the volume button? Can't it stay at the sane level I chose from the get-go? Is that my TV or just the way shit is?
I've smoked too much in the past few days. I have to try harder to not do that tomorrow. Quitting cigarettes sucks.
Man I sure hope this week passes quickly - more so than last week did, at least. Next week Venti is off the entire week for vacation time and so I won't have to spend my days all alone. Being alone sucks. God - it's just not natural!
And I'm getting that very deep primal urge to move again. I'm nomadic. It's hard for me to stay in one place for too long because ... well, I believe that if we move to a new state everything will pick up, we'll all be happier and tanned with incredibly huge white sparkly smiles. It never works that way, though - I just think it does - "grass is always greener" syndrome. But, well - the change has always been SOMETHING to do.
Man, 3 more years until my baby goes to school - or is it 2 more? I'll have to check. I will have to get a job when he hits 1st grade otherwise my head will explode from boredom.
A webfriend told me that Internet Explorer is, for the first time, losing market shares. I thought that was interesting.
Did you ever know that you were going to go to bed within a half hour but you wanted a soda, but you knew you couldn't finish a soda in a half hour? That's a conundrum I face most every night. And yes, our water sucks, so it's not like "oh shut up and just drink water dumbass." would work in this situation.
It's been a week since I got my wisdom teeth pulled out. Man did I act like a baby about it and man was it no big deal at all in the end. I still feel like an ass - but at least I'm not in hienous pain anymore. I'm just so glad that's over. I've been taking oral care more seriously lately - brushing, brushing, brushing, trying not to swear much, wondering if that Listerine commercial is utter bullshit or not - the one where it says swishing blue Listerine twice a day is just as effective as flossing. I hate Listerine in any color - but if true, the not flossing/healthy teeth and gums thing is appealing.
How in the fuck did Kerry not win the presidential election??????????
And now I'm back to politics so I'll shut up.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
How in the Hell Do You Get Caught Killing a Goat?
People are just fucking stupid. After doing a random google search on the first few words that popped into my mind I landed on an article called "Do You Know What Really Gets My Goat?" which is the topic of the "For What it's Worth" column written by some guy in Tennessee. Daryl K. Tabor. (And no, I wasn't searching on goats - my words were Mid Valley Tennessee News)
Five kids steal a goat, kill it, and place it in their football coaches driveway. Now, what bugs me here is that they got caught. Of course - it creeps me out that anyone would kill a goat for other than religious or hunger reasons, but that's beside the point.
First of all, these were football jocks, not traditionally known to be the sharpest tools in the shed - but still, how the hell did they get caught? Oh, you just know one of their cheerleader girlfriends turned them in - it had to be. Oh my God, Ashland City will never be the same, those five guys are just totally going to have to move to another city, if they even know one exists further out than Nashville. Stupid losers. Duh.
Okay, so you kill a goat...why? I mean, it wasn't even their school mascot - which, thank God they didn't go after, considering the mascot is the Indians. (Political correctness has not yet reached into Ashland City, TN. I mean, come on - this isn't the NFL, they could easily change their name, unlike the Redskins....who, you know - really fucking oughtta!) Kill - drop off - drive away, wash off, keep your mouth shut. Nope, just couldn't pull it off. They had to yack about it. Duh.
I think that's where everyone gets in trouble - not knowing when the hell to shut up. Very much like my ex mother-in-law. (Shiver at typing that out.) My EMIL is a sociopathic bitch who actually thinks that things that happened 18 years ago, little things she's jotted down in the Book of Shadows in her mind (which is now rotting, by the way) actually matter NOW. She's pissed at me because I am sucking the life-force (money) out of her son, my ex, for child support. ($76 a week when he claims to make $50k+ a year.) So, she emails me and tells me that she knows my dark dirty little secrets, like the emails I sent to guys on the Internet. Ladies and Gentlemen - how about a big fat DUH BITCH?? There's not a person who knows me that doesn't already know this (Also a big fat "yo - stupid wench??? I married the guy I wrote to!!!) - however, all of what she's talking about happened in the mid 90's and has no bearing on my life now. However, she pushed and pushed and couldn't keep her mouth shut and she got herself into trouble, because - being smarter and stronger than her, I have my own little black book of BIG secrets, which I whipped out, proceeding to throw a pretty loaded paragraph at her. If anyone were to read it, it would ruin her, yeah - how's THAT for trying to turn my kids against me with lies and bullshit twisting of the truth? If she'd only have kept her thoughts to herself and not gone off on a "It's all about me being better than you, child." trip....but now she's basically killed a goat and gotten caught. HA! IN YOUR FACE BITCH. (Since receiving my "I know what you did last summer" email - she has not sent a reply and has told everyone she's just not playing this game anymore. Yeah, I'm sure she's SO VERY not. Heh.)
Anyway, so on this goat website, or whatever it was - the guy really did have some rather interesting political viewpoints. And my husband suggested that to relieve my boredom, I should write about political stuff in here and how I feel about it - so I'll just do this instead: Paste what the guy wrote and say, ahead of time - YEAH, ANYWAY!!!!! Oh, okay, I'll comment at the end of it....
Isn't it cute that someone would use the words "bull malarkey" in an actual newspaper column regarding the presidential election? Well, supporters of Bush would have no problem with that, I suppose - Yee-Ha! and all that riding off into the sunset shit, but whatever.
My point, and I do have one, is that I agree with Daryl...people shouldn't cast an uneducated vote. It DOES indeed harm us - because as polls and studies have shown, Bush supporters are basically not as smart as Kerry supporters so those Bush'ers were bound to vote without any reflection on the matter whatseover. (And I, too, hate to beat a dead goat, but really - how did the guy WIN?? Wasted votes, cheating, what? How? Please could someone just make it all make sense to me?)
So this collective "people who should have used a crayon to fill in their ballot", embarrassingly, includes some of my own family. My sister voted for Bush because she didn't want her business to suffer the wrath of increased taxation. She owns a goddamned thrift shop and cellular phone store in a town of about 500 people and if she were to make fifty grand in one year it would be a fucking miracle...yet she honestly believed that Kerry meant that her "small business" would be taxed out the ass.
My mothers husband, NOT my father - and I really hate calling him my stepfather, did not vote (oh thank you great and powerful universe!) - and when asked who he would vote for, said Bush. I tried to get the "why" out of him but he didn't have an answer and went right to the guts of his basis for anything Pro-Kerry...."So what? You're telling me you'd vote for a lesbian to be President???" Holy hell where did THAT come from? You just cannot fathom how quickly it went from "Who are ya voting for Henry?" to the lesbian statement. I didn't know what the hell he meant so I said - well, if she was the best qualified candidate for office, yeah - I'd vote for her, of course. It was only later that he said that he meant Hillary Clinton - and I think that my jaw actually hit the table when he said it...I may have had one of those out of body experiences where you say to yourself "This person is so stupid - I really, really MUST be dreaming, right? Tell me I'm dreaming. Please."
Oh my God I'm so glad I don't have to live in the same state as these people.
Anyway Daryl, I'm glad that you are, unlike me, so well spoken - I truly follow suit with what you said. Voting is a responsibility ... use it wisely or end up with the wrong guy in office where even if he were impeached we'd be screwed. I always believed that if you go into a voting booth and vote for the guy that you knew could not possibly win, that you were wasting your vote - (Nader, et al) - and I still believe that. A single vote in and of itself isn't going to ever sway a presidential election, it will never be just one vote shy - well, what are the odds anyway? But subtract all of those uneducated, un-thought out, "I do what my Daddy says", what the hell at least I'm going to the firehall maybe I'll see Jim-Bob - votes, and maybe, just fucking maybe I wouldn't be as terrified of what the next four years will be bringing.
Christ, my son is almost sixteen, he could be drafted to go to Iraq and fight - not for our country's freedom - but for OIL???
I just know, I KNOW it - that this term in office will be rife with scandal - bringing even more shame to our country and dividing our country even further - all because Bush is in office when Kerry should be...or hell, maybe not even Kerry - just, hell - here's an idea, how about a poor but well-educated person? Take money out of the equation, put someone in that chair that the $400k salary would actually MEAN something to, and maybe, just maybe - this country would stop melting in front of our eyes. Melting pot - yeah, we're melting alright.
I really hate stupid people.
Five kids steal a goat, kill it, and place it in their football coaches driveway. Now, what bugs me here is that they got caught. Of course - it creeps me out that anyone would kill a goat for other than religious or hunger reasons, but that's beside the point.
First of all, these were football jocks, not traditionally known to be the sharpest tools in the shed - but still, how the hell did they get caught? Oh, you just know one of their cheerleader girlfriends turned them in - it had to be. Oh my God, Ashland City will never be the same, those five guys are just totally going to have to move to another city, if they even know one exists further out than Nashville. Stupid losers. Duh.
Okay, so you kill a goat...why? I mean, it wasn't even their school mascot - which, thank God they didn't go after, considering the mascot is the Indians. (Political correctness has not yet reached into Ashland City, TN. I mean, come on - this isn't the NFL, they could easily change their name, unlike the Redskins....who, you know - really fucking oughtta!) Kill - drop off - drive away, wash off, keep your mouth shut. Nope, just couldn't pull it off. They had to yack about it. Duh.
I think that's where everyone gets in trouble - not knowing when the hell to shut up. Very much like my ex mother-in-law. (Shiver at typing that out.) My EMIL is a sociopathic bitch who actually thinks that things that happened 18 years ago, little things she's jotted down in the Book of Shadows in her mind (which is now rotting, by the way) actually matter NOW. She's pissed at me because I am sucking the life-force (money) out of her son, my ex, for child support. ($76 a week when he claims to make $50k+ a year.) So, she emails me and tells me that she knows my dark dirty little secrets, like the emails I sent to guys on the Internet. Ladies and Gentlemen - how about a big fat DUH BITCH?? There's not a person who knows me that doesn't already know this (Also a big fat "yo - stupid wench??? I married the guy I wrote to!!!) - however, all of what she's talking about happened in the mid 90's and has no bearing on my life now. However, she pushed and pushed and couldn't keep her mouth shut and she got herself into trouble, because - being smarter and stronger than her, I have my own little black book of BIG secrets, which I whipped out, proceeding to throw a pretty loaded paragraph at her. If anyone were to read it, it would ruin her, yeah - how's THAT for trying to turn my kids against me with lies and bullshit twisting of the truth? If she'd only have kept her thoughts to herself and not gone off on a "It's all about me being better than you, child." trip....but now she's basically killed a goat and gotten caught. HA! IN YOUR FACE BITCH. (Since receiving my "I know what you did last summer" email - she has not sent a reply and has told everyone she's just not playing this game anymore. Yeah, I'm sure she's SO VERY not. Heh.)
Anyway, so on this goat website, or whatever it was - the guy really did have some rather interesting political viewpoints. And my husband suggested that to relieve my boredom, I should write about political stuff in here and how I feel about it - so I'll just do this instead: Paste what the guy wrote and say, ahead of time - YEAH, ANYWAY!!!!! Oh, okay, I'll comment at the end of it....
Dead goats may tell no tales, but the message it left spoke loud and clear ... the Harpeth Indians, winless or not, were far better off without at least five former players.So...my thoughts:
Since we’re talking about being better off without contributions from certain segments of society, how about the uninformed voters and how they actually undermine our free elections.
In last Wednesday’s Tennessean, columnist Gail Kerr called such a belief “bull malarkey.” She believes every American has the right to vote for their favorite candidate, no matter how silly or misguided the reason.
While completely disagreeing with her, I am thankful to learn the spelling of “malarkey.”
After years of railing that everyone should make the effort to vote, I’ve had a change of heart, or mind, rather. Now, with one too many close elections, I wish those who choose to blindly cast a ballot once every four years would stick to the same apathetic behavior they practice each of the 1,460 days between presidential elections.
Keeping in mind this was written prior to either Sen. Kerry or President Bush having been declared the next leader of the free world; I wonder who would be president-elect had the game been decided only by the informed, most polished voter instead of the blind rookie who runs to daylight no matter if it’s the wrong end zone?
While Kerr urges that voting is a Constitutionally-guaranteed right of Americans, I counter that it’s more a responsibility than a right, which implies some insight and forethought is needed. Having my future decided by the lowest common denominator of society who didn’t even know how to vote until a voter card was shoved in his face at the latest liquor store registration drive does not set well with me.
I hate to beat a dead goat, but there is a right way and a wrong of going about things.
(Editor’s note: Daryl K. Tabor is the editor of The Ashland City Times. His column appears periodically. He can be reached at 792-0036.) <>Originally publishedWednesday, November 3, 2004
Isn't it cute that someone would use the words "bull malarkey" in an actual newspaper column regarding the presidential election? Well, supporters of Bush would have no problem with that, I suppose - Yee-Ha! and all that riding off into the sunset shit, but whatever.
My point, and I do have one, is that I agree with Daryl...people shouldn't cast an uneducated vote. It DOES indeed harm us - because as polls and studies have shown, Bush supporters are basically not as smart as Kerry supporters so those Bush'ers were bound to vote without any reflection on the matter whatseover. (And I, too, hate to beat a dead goat, but really - how did the guy WIN?? Wasted votes, cheating, what? How? Please could someone just make it all make sense to me?)
So this collective "people who should have used a crayon to fill in their ballot", embarrassingly, includes some of my own family. My sister voted for Bush because she didn't want her business to suffer the wrath of increased taxation. She owns a goddamned thrift shop and cellular phone store in a town of about 500 people and if she were to make fifty grand in one year it would be a fucking miracle...yet she honestly believed that Kerry meant that her "small business" would be taxed out the ass.
My mothers husband, NOT my father - and I really hate calling him my stepfather, did not vote (oh thank you great and powerful universe!) - and when asked who he would vote for, said Bush. I tried to get the "why" out of him but he didn't have an answer and went right to the guts of his basis for anything Pro-Kerry...."So what? You're telling me you'd vote for a lesbian to be President???" Holy hell where did THAT come from? You just cannot fathom how quickly it went from "Who are ya voting for Henry?" to the lesbian statement. I didn't know what the hell he meant so I said - well, if she was the best qualified candidate for office, yeah - I'd vote for her, of course. It was only later that he said that he meant Hillary Clinton - and I think that my jaw actually hit the table when he said it...I may have had one of those out of body experiences where you say to yourself "This person is so stupid - I really, really MUST be dreaming, right? Tell me I'm dreaming. Please."
Oh my God I'm so glad I don't have to live in the same state as these people.
Anyway Daryl, I'm glad that you are, unlike me, so well spoken - I truly follow suit with what you said. Voting is a responsibility ... use it wisely or end up with the wrong guy in office where even if he were impeached we'd be screwed. I always believed that if you go into a voting booth and vote for the guy that you knew could not possibly win, that you were wasting your vote - (Nader, et al) - and I still believe that. A single vote in and of itself isn't going to ever sway a presidential election, it will never be just one vote shy - well, what are the odds anyway? But subtract all of those uneducated, un-thought out, "I do what my Daddy says", what the hell at least I'm going to the firehall maybe I'll see Jim-Bob - votes, and maybe, just fucking maybe I wouldn't be as terrified of what the next four years will be bringing.
Christ, my son is almost sixteen, he could be drafted to go to Iraq and fight - not for our country's freedom - but for OIL???
I just know, I KNOW it - that this term in office will be rife with scandal - bringing even more shame to our country and dividing our country even further - all because Bush is in office when Kerry should be...or hell, maybe not even Kerry - just, hell - here's an idea, how about a poor but well-educated person? Take money out of the equation, put someone in that chair that the $400k salary would actually MEAN something to, and maybe, just maybe - this country would stop melting in front of our eyes. Melting pot - yeah, we're melting alright.
I really hate stupid people.
Damn that Lance Arthur
Because my husband, Venti, is a glassdog.com - Lance Arthur addict now I have to do the stupid interview with myself, too....so here is me....
Questions taken from Lance (lancearthur.com):
Questions taken from an interview with Mark Morris in the New York Times Sunday Magazine, altered accordingly.
Best household chore: Good God, chores? Ugh. Lighting incense doesn't count as a chore, does it? I wish it did because other than that, everything having to do with household chores really sucks. If I abolutely MUST choose, though, I would say folding laundry. There's just something ... somewhat nice ... about neatly stacked piles of clothing that smell good. The towels all should be the same size when folded even though so few of them actually match. And don't assume that the whole "doing laundry thing" is my favorite chore - anyone who knows me would laugh at the very notion. So...I guess folding laundry, or more specifically towels - would be my best household chore. (Unless the chores done by someone else count as the best ones?)
Fantasy career: I want to work for some unheard of government (ours) organization in some tiny little windowless room decrypting codes and only emerging into daylight when absolutely necessary. I wouldn't be the only one with little quirks like heinous shyness - and there would be a limitless source of stationary at my disposal since I'm such a pen/sticky-note/clippy freak.
Favorite place to shop: Pier 1 this season because everything is MY color, I picked it a long time ago and now just absolutely everyone has to go and use it - that incredibly soothing amber color that just goes so well with warm browns ... God, I love it. Second after that would be World Market, which I've been in three times in my life but I just want to live there. I can buy giant boxes of incense there...the good stuff...I can feel incredible fabrics and ponder over whether or not I'm committed enough to spend the money on a silk embroidered yoga mat and bag set for the incredibly low price of twenty five bucks. Maybe World Market is better....they sell food, too.
Superstitions: If I see a grouping of buzzards in a field close to me - they must be on the ground not in the air - it usually means that something pretty shitty is about to happen in my life. The first time I saw them my house burned down a day later and the last time I saw them my fifteen year old son moved out of the house after bashing me and my beloved Venti. Those fucking buzzards. My other bird superstition regards hawks. I see them so often it's not even funny. I have decided that if they are basically just there to remind me to pay attention ... if they are sitting in a branch just staring at me...I better pay pretty damn close attention to my life, and if they have their backs to me ... I don't know what that means, but I usually take it as a sign that I've done something bad or wrong or immoral and should re-evaluate. If one flies directly over the car - I believe something is going to happen that I should be prepared for, imminently.
I do throw salt over my shoulder if I spill it - don't know why. I believe that if a cricket is in my house that it's a good luck sign and the same goes for lady-bugs. Man, alot of my superstitions involve animals or bugs...weird.
Morning routine: Not as grandiose as others have written...I open my eyes because there is a 21 month old powerhouse 2 feet from the end of my bed screaming in sheer delight about the fact that the cat just walked past our bedroom door or that the wall is painted white, or that his sippy cup is yellow. I reluctantly get out of bed because he sees - waits and watches really - that my eyes are open and then all hell breaks loose, there's no turning my back on the fact that my day just began. I get up and kiss Short Decaf on the head and promise him I won't be long... go to the bathroom - do as much girl stuff and grooming as possible before the door is either (A) pushed open by the baby Short Decaf with his hands - or he jumps out of his crib and lands with a thud on the floor. Some days I get far enough into it that I can weigh myself, but those are usually bad days. I usually stay in my pj's since - where the hell am I gonna go and why put on nice clothing when they're just going to get oatmeal all over them anyway? - then kiss short decaf on the head a couple of times, tell him to pick up yellow bankie and we make our way downstairs - he gets a drink and cartoons and I get a cup of unsweetened decaf tea. This is my life every day.
Evening routine: Everyone goes to bed much earlier than I do, so I have nothing to do but things like this, surf the web - feel bad that everyone is asleep and pissed that the cat HAS to be on the top of my monitor with his tail covering - of course - the top left of the screen. I look at the clock a lot. Sometimes I write in my journal, sometimes I surf E-Bay, sometimes I obsessively check my inbox to see if anyone other than spammers have written. Anyway, so the actual routine of going to bed...uhm...go upstairs and collapse onto the bed after making sure that the fan is on (need that background noise) and that the closet door is open JUST the right amount so that if Short Decaf wakes up in the middle of the night he doesn't get scared. My covers are always messed up so I have to fix them - then lately I have been doing a Reiki healing session which is sort of relaxing, roll over onto my side, snuggle up with my pillow and pass out.
Favorite memento: Silly. It's a little clear plastic pentagon with a sticky backing. My grandfather bought a brand new Chrysler New Yorker - he only ever bought white cars...so this was oh, I think a '91 New Yorker. He was really sick with Parkinson's Disease and Leukemia and so he gave my dad the car. My dad passed away four years later and through a series of very strange events, I ended up with the car. I traded it in so we could get something less embarrassing to drive in Yuppie-ville where we live, and the last time I was in the Chrysler, I pried off the little pentagonal emblem from the passenger side door. I figured 'fuck-em' - they only gave me $500 as a trade in on it - they could do without the little symbol. I needed it, also, to remind me of my grandfather and my dad. I have it stuck to the inside of my wallet now.
Favorite place in the house: My very top front step in the front of my house. If it isn't too cold, and I'm sitting there smoking a cigarette and letting my mind wander, at night I can imagine that looking down to the left where the roads turns downward and curves slightly - that I live in some quaint little village where all the neighbors leave their front porch light on, where everyone knows everyone and that somewhere not so far away is a big city and that I live on a big hill overlooking it. In reality, it's just a big ole plot of townhouses in the middle of nowhere ... but i have a good imagination. I also like to just look at the stars...wonder how long it will be before all the leaves have fallen off of my one tree that is so much bigger than the 3 square yards of grass it grows out of...it belongs in a nice big back yard, really. I like to look at the moon when it happens to be in the right position and believe that it's a sign from The Goddess and The Universe that my energy is being cleansed. I have more revelations, resolutions and tears there, than anywhere else in my home. So, technically this is outside, but - yeah well, it has to still count, it's part of the house, right?
Best thing about being you: That I get to be married to Venti and nobody else does! And I feel like I have pretty much lucked out with my kids, I still can't believe I made them, and they are perfectly wonderful in their own special ways....but I would also have to say that my panic disorder website was a brazen move. I opened myself up and shared some very private things that others were afraid to share - and because of that, something like a half a million people have benefited from the website. It does feel good to know that - but it's hard keeping up with it. I've left it go - but I know it still helps people.
What's your reputation: A quiet, shy, not too bright, spiteful, anxious person who never finishes anything she starts. Only 2 of those things are false, really. The people I've worked for have loved my work and been blown away by my ability to "get it" ... so anyone I'm not related to seems to really like me - although they agree that I'm quiet, too - and anyone I am related to other than those that NOW live in this house, think I'm a weak and not-too-smart little child who needs help every inch of the way with absolutely everything I attempt to do. Very, very few people have faith in me - I would say three people do, and two of them are under the age of 14. I'm also thought of as a bit of a freak by a lot of people because I have panic attacks, but all I can do is hope that they don't ever really have a full blown panic attack so that they never know how awful it truly is - let them think what they will. Panic attacks don't mean you're stupid or weak - just the opposite, really....but I still wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. Well, maybe ONE of my worst enemy's.
Favorite movie: Night at the Roxbury? No...Grosse Point Blank, definitely. Goddamn John Cusack in that role is just THE ideal man.
Book to recommend: There are two but I'm having trouble remembering the second.... the first is Ancient Mysteries by Peter James and Nick Thorpe. "From the statues of Easter Island to the Pyramids of Egypt...Ancient Astronauts to Lost Roman Armies...Tiahuanaco to the Somerset Zodiac...Dracula to Edgar Cayce...Mystical Druids to Elusive Amazons...The Riddle of the Sphinx to the Grave of King Arthur....Discover the latest intriguing, scientifically sound explanations to Age-Old puzzles in Ancient Mysteries.
Second one is by Charles Van Dorin... A History of Knowledge: Past, Present and Future by Charles Van Doren Now THIS is the ultimate ME book...(and yes ... this is the guy that was caught up in that whole Quiz Show scandal, but damn he's brilliant!) I'll just give you a paste-in from Amazon, but really - buy the book, it's incredible beyond words.
"Crystal clear and concise...Explains how humankind got to know what it knows."
Your welcome mat: Ugly dark gray rubber mat that has no words, only scruffy lines cut into it - it's utilitarian and I like it that way. I fucking hate those cutesy door mats that say "I love my Doberman Pinscher...and he loves to eat people!" or some such bullshit. "Welcome" is even going too far since there are oh so very few people who come to my door who I want to feel welcome at ALL. And why the HELL would you put your name on your doormat??? People walking all over your name? That's just stupid.
Little big toy: The seat-heaters in my Mercedes. No, I'm kidding - although those ARE pretty great. I guess I know this is lame and not really a big toy, but my media card reader is my favorite "toy" to get pictures off of my digital camera as quickly as possible. It's not expensive, made by Lexar and has never failed me. I love that little purple thing.
Last meal: I technically haven't eaten dinner tonight and I REFUSE to answer this question like some people have and go with the whole "I'm on death row and this is what I'm ordering thing..." - (tangent much?) So no, I haven't eaten dinner but I did have some donuts and a poptart. No, that's not normal for me. It's still early so I guess I'll have some ham and bean soup which just might make my throat feel better. (Swollen glands because of the fucking dentist pulling out two wisdom teeth yesterday.)
Technology item you can't live without: Whatever the doohicky is that gives me access to the Internet. And, well, electricity so that my computer will continue to stay lit up. Other than that I don't actually own any real technology items...thinking.....thinking.....technology item...hmmm. Nope, don't have anything cool, so I'll just say my cell-phone...can't live without it. Oh, and NEXTEL SUCKS ASS.
Idea of the perfect party: All people dressed comfortably, sitting around a darkened room - either baked or a wee bit tipsy talking about all things metaphysical. I'd also get drunk then have outrageously great sex with Venti when we went home.
Topic you wouldn't bring up at a party: Since I only go to family parties, I'd have to say I'd never actually say out loud how stupid I think they all are with money....like my stepfather buying a $45,000 boat but refusing to go to the dentist and get teeth. Yes, he has only a few rotting teeth left in his mouth - has to cut up peanut butter toast into toddler-bite sized pieces for breakfast. GO GET THAT FIXED!!!! It's gross and just ... just gross. Fix it goddamnit. Sell the fucking boat you're afraid to actually USE and get some chompers, DUH!?
Fictional character you most identify with: I feel like I can identify strongly with almost every role John Cusack has ever had in a movie. Well, except of course that I'm female.
Favorite decorating technique: Throw absolutely everthing away and start over. Or move. If my house doesn't look like a villa in Tuscany, I'm not happy with it - and it doesn't and never will look like that - at least not until I hit the lottery and my kids are older - so until then, it's the throw shit away and start over approach for me.
Thing in your house you're fussiest about: People fucking drinking my caffeine free Pepsi. Also, I love my candles and incense and it pisses me off when someone burns some of my incense without asking me. I know it's just a little thing, but ... I don't know, it's mine, I guess, and I don't have many things that I feel like are "mine" - so it annoys me. Oh - the question was "fussy" not "pissy" - okay, I'm fussy about air temperature. I like it cool in the house, I sleep better at night when it's cool, and I like wearing warm fuzzy clothes even in summer, so the A/C is always cranked up then. I know that's selfish, let's call it quirky instead.
Procrastination technique: Denial seems to work pretty well for me.
Guilty pleasure: That moment when you've proven someone wrong, and they know it, and they know that YOU know they know. That's awesome. Other than that, I just like fuzzy warm socks.
What's by your bedside: A giant air conditioning unit that doubles as "just a fan for background noise", a lovely CD/Radio/Clock that Venti got me but I can never see the numbers on the clock for some reason, a Tracy Bonham CD that doesn't belong to me, a bottle of xanax, (just in case I panic in the middle of the night) ... and usually my extra pillow which slides off of the bed as soon as I fall asleep. Oh, and my jewelry box.
Pets: Mahoot. A not-too-bright cat with six toes on each foot. He is starting to annoy me ever since my oldest son moved out. I guess he is fuzzy-decaf. (The cat, not my son.)
Recent purchase: A mellow shade of amber wine glass, a box of incense, a bottle of Advil, a pack of cigarettes, and a pair of sneakers with Tigger and a soccer ball on them for Short Decaf because his feet keep growing faster than I can get shoes for him.
Always in the fridge: Milk, Decaf Pepsi and Chocolate Syrup.
Nagging injury: Every year from 1986 through 2000. No physical ones that come to mind.
Collections: Movies, incense, yoga information and candles. Also stationary products...it's a sickness, I know. I just can't help it, I love pens and sticky notes.
Fitness routine:
Recurring nightmare: That my teeth are falling out or crumbling. I hear this is a pretty common dream that is supposed to mean you aren't speaking your mind about something - which makes perfect sense for me.
Idea of a perfect day: 24 hours with Venti, having hit the lottery a few months prior, my kids nearby, everyone happy and me not anxious...and the location wouldn't matter ... that'd be enough. Hell, it would be enough even without the lottery.
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