How in the Hell Do You Get Caught Killing a Goat?

People are just fucking stupid. After doing a random google search on the first few words that popped into my mind I landed on an article called "Do You Know What Really Gets My Goat?" which is the topic of the "For What it's Worth" column written by some guy in Tennessee. Daryl K. Tabor. (And no, I wasn't searching on goats - my words were Mid Valley Tennessee News)

Five kids steal a goat, kill it, and place it in their football coaches driveway. Now, what bugs me here is that they got caught. Of course - it creeps me out that anyone would kill a goat for other than religious or hunger reasons, but that's beside the point.

First of all, these were football jocks, not traditionally known to be the sharpest tools in the shed - but still, how the hell did they get caught? Oh, you just know one of their cheerleader girlfriends turned them in - it had to be. Oh my God, Ashland City will never be the same, those five guys are just totally going to have to move to another city, if they even know one exists further out than Nashville. Stupid losers. Duh.

Okay, so you kill a goat...why? I mean, it wasn't even their school mascot - which, thank God they didn't go after, considering the mascot is the Indians. (Political correctness has not yet reached into Ashland City, TN. I mean, come on - this isn't the NFL, they could easily change their name, unlike the Redskins....who, you know - really fucking oughtta!) Kill - drop off - drive away, wash off, keep your mouth shut. Nope, just couldn't pull it off. They had to yack about it. Duh.

I think that's where everyone gets in trouble - not knowing when the hell to shut up. Very much like my ex mother-in-law. (Shiver at typing that out.) My EMIL is a sociopathic bitch who actually thinks that things that happened 18 years ago, little things she's jotted down in the Book of Shadows in her mind (which is now rotting, by the way) actually matter NOW. She's pissed at me because I am sucking the life-force (money) out of her son, my ex, for child support. ($76 a week when he claims to make $50k+ a year.) So, she emails me and tells me that she knows my dark dirty little secrets, like the emails I sent to guys on the Internet. Ladies and Gentlemen - how about a big fat DUH BITCH?? There's not a person who knows me that doesn't already know this (Also a big fat "yo - stupid wench??? I married the guy I wrote to!!!) - however, all of what she's talking about happened in the mid 90's and has no bearing on my life now. However, she pushed and pushed and couldn't keep her mouth shut and she got herself into trouble, because - being smarter and stronger than her, I have my own little black book of BIG secrets, which I whipped out, proceeding to throw a pretty loaded paragraph at her. If anyone were to read it, it would ruin her, yeah - how's THAT for trying to turn my kids against me with lies and bullshit twisting of the truth? If she'd only have kept her thoughts to herself and not gone off on a "It's all about me being better than you, child." trip....but now she's basically killed a goat and gotten caught. HA! IN YOUR FACE BITCH. (Since receiving my "I know what you did last summer" email - she has not sent a reply and has told everyone she's just not playing this game anymore. Yeah, I'm sure she's SO VERY not. Heh.)

Anyway, so on this goat website, or whatever it was - the guy really did have some rather interesting political viewpoints. And my husband suggested that to relieve my boredom, I should write about political stuff in here and how I feel about it - so I'll just do this instead: Paste what the guy wrote and say, ahead of time - YEAH, ANYWAY!!!!! Oh, okay, I'll comment at the end of it....

Dead goats may tell no tales, but the message it left spoke loud and clear ... the Harpeth Indians, winless or not, were far better off without at least five former players.

Since we’re talking about being better off without contributions from certain segments of society, how about the uninformed voters and how they actually undermine our free elections.

In last Wednesday’s Tennessean, columnist Gail Kerr called such a belief “bull malarkey.” She believes every American has the right to vote for their favorite candidate, no matter how silly or misguided the reason.

While completely disagreeing with her, I am thankful to learn the spelling of “malarkey.”

After years of railing that everyone should make the effort to vote, I’ve had a change of heart, or mind, rather. Now, with one too many close elections, I wish those who choose to blindly cast a ballot once every four years would stick to the same apathetic behavior they practice each of the 1,460 days between presidential elections.

Keeping in mind this was written prior to either Sen. Kerry or President Bush having been declared the next leader of the free world; I wonder who would be president-elect had the game been decided only by the informed, most polished voter instead of the blind rookie who runs to daylight no matter if it’s the wrong end zone?

While Kerr urges that voting is a Constitutionally-guaranteed right of Americans, I counter that it’s more a responsibility than a right, which implies some insight and forethought is needed. Having my future decided by the lowest common denominator of society who didn’t even know how to vote until a voter card was shoved in his face at the latest liquor store registration drive does not set well with me.

I hate to beat a dead goat, but there is a right way and a wrong of going about things.

(Editor’s note: Daryl K. Tabor is the editor of The Ashland City Times. His column appears periodically. He can be reached at 792-0036.) <>Originally published Wednesday, November 3, 2004

So...my thoughts:

Isn't it cute that someone would use the words "bull malarkey" in an actual newspaper column regarding the presidential election? Well, supporters of Bush would have no problem with that, I suppose - Yee-Ha! and all that riding off into the sunset shit, but whatever.

My point, and I do have one, is that I agree with Daryl...people shouldn't cast an uneducated vote. It DOES indeed harm us - because as polls and studies have shown, Bush supporters are basically not as smart as Kerry supporters so those Bush'ers were bound to vote without any reflection on the matter whatseover. (And I, too, hate to beat a dead goat, but really - how did the guy WIN?? Wasted votes, cheating, what? How? Please could someone just make it all make sense to me?)

So this collective "people who should have used a crayon to fill in their ballot", embarrassingly, includes some of my own family. My sister voted for Bush because she didn't want her business to suffer the wrath of increased taxation. She owns a goddamned thrift shop and cellular phone store in a town of about 500 people and if she were to make fifty grand in one year it would be a fucking miracle...yet she honestly believed that Kerry meant that her "small business" would be taxed out the ass.

My mothers husband, NOT my father - and I really hate calling him my stepfather, did not vote (oh thank you great and powerful universe!) - and when asked who he would vote for, said Bush. I tried to get the "why" out of him but he didn't have an answer and went right to the guts of his basis for anything Pro-Kerry...."So what? You're telling me you'd vote for a lesbian to be President???" Holy hell where did THAT come from? You just cannot fathom how quickly it went from "Who are ya voting for Henry?" to the lesbian statement. I didn't know what the hell he meant so I said - well, if she was the best qualified candidate for office, yeah - I'd vote for her, of course. It was only later that he said that he meant Hillary Clinton - and I think that my jaw actually hit the table when he said it...I may have had one of those out of body experiences where you say to yourself "This person is so stupid - I really, really MUST be dreaming, right? Tell me I'm dreaming. Please."

Oh my God I'm so glad I don't have to live in the same state as these people.

Anyway Daryl, I'm glad that you are, unlike me, so well spoken - I truly follow suit with what you said. Voting is a responsibility ... use it wisely or end up with the wrong guy in office where even if he were impeached we'd be screwed. I always believed that if you go into a voting booth and vote for the guy that you knew could not possibly win, that you were wasting your vote - (Nader, et al) - and I still believe that. A single vote in and of itself isn't going to ever sway a presidential election, it will never be just one vote shy - well, what are the odds anyway? But subtract all of those uneducated, un-thought out, "I do what my Daddy says", what the hell at least I'm going to the firehall maybe I'll see Jim-Bob - votes, and maybe, just fucking maybe I wouldn't be as terrified of what the next four years will be bringing.

Christ, my son is almost sixteen, he could be drafted to go to Iraq and fight - not for our country's freedom - but for OIL???

I just know, I KNOW it - that this term in office will be rife with scandal - bringing even more shame to our country and dividing our country even further - all because Bush is in office when Kerry should be...or hell, maybe not even Kerry - just, hell - here's an idea, how about a poor but well-educated person? Take money out of the equation, put someone in that chair that the $400k salary would actually MEAN something to, and maybe, just maybe - this country would stop melting in front of our eyes. Melting pot - yeah, we're melting alright.

I really hate stupid people.