So I downloaded a couple of recipes for chicken makhani made with tandoori chicken, along with some different Naan bread recipes...it all seems like such a pain in the ass to make, but damn if I'm not like - intensely - craving it. I'm not feeling very festive this year for some reason - our family didn't celebrate Thanksgiving today, but will on Saturday with my side of the family. I guess the prospect of that has sucked any sliver of enthusiasm right out of me. I was kind of looking forward to it until my mom called earlier tonight and pulled some bullshit about not wanting me to come down tomorrow, but instead waiting until Saturday morning. Like I fucking want to drive for 3 hours and then eat a giant meal, then climb back in the car and drive home? Uhm...wow, just so not looking forward to that.
And of all the fucking days for my mom to pull this shit, she picks a day that Venti and I had an argument of major proportions about my hating living here and wanting to move closer to my sister in Pennsylvania...I swore my family wasn't nuts - then my mom just shows up and disproves me. God, one call and my whole argument feels so discredited. By the end of the day - now - I am once again trying to convince myself that I really do want to move back to Seattle. My son wants to, my husband wants to - and if the baby gets a vote and says he wants to move to Seattle, too - I'm outnumbered. You'd think, being the mom, I'd get like a double vote or something Republican like that - but no - we have to be a democratic household.
I'm so confused about what to do and how to feel - I don't know what the right thing to do is... be close to my sister but ruin my husband emotionally because he refuses to live in PA, or move 3000 miles away from my only true best friend in the world so that he's happy. Either way, one of us is going to be miserable for the rest of our lives and end up resenting the other for it - I just know it. If only my son hadn't weighed in with his opinion about preferring Seattle to PA it would have made my feelings a little clearer, but he's getting too old not to be included in things of such importance, and I can't ignore his wishes lest he resent me for the rest of his life, as well. So then I'd have two people pissed at me forever.
But...I don't know what I want to do, I only know that I'm tired of being so alone. This town is so fucking unfriendly - so cold and it moves at an incredibly fast pace. I hate it so much. Venti checked out some of the classes offered in the town we're considering moving to near Seattle and they had just a shitload of incredibly interesting things - "A Soul's Journey....", "Reiki...", all the shit I'm interested in. There's only one place in this town to go to classes like that and I already go ... I get my first Reiki attunement on Thursday so I'm really excited about that - plus, I'll be starting my level 2 in January, which is even more exciting to me.
My son is watching Beautician and the Beast (with Fran Drescher) - that still makes me laugh everytime I watch it...it's gotta be in my top 20 favorite movies list. Fran Drescher is so ultimately cool.
I also found a recipe for - get this - a coffee bean body scrub from Bali's spa's....(again with the no segues, I know.) The final step of the body treatment is to rub carrot on your skin to seal in moisture that exfoliation may have stripped...so I'm thinking, yeah - I'm a mom, ain't no way I'm grating carrots - I'll buy 2 jars of baby food carrots to shellac that moisture in. Anyway, I've got like 4 pounds of Sumatra beans in my freezer I know nobody is ever going to grind so ... if this is a good body scrub I'll try to figure out a way to jar it up and give it to my sisters for Christmas since this is such a "we're so fucking broke" Christmas. They'll laugh at the carrots but I don't care. :) Oddly enough, it doesn't say to rinse the grated carrot off in the instructions, although I'm certain you have to - wouldn't it be hilarious if one of my sisters didn't and ended up orange? Heh. I'd be right there with the digital camera.
So...Thanksgiving has sucked. Venti and I bitched back and forth 1/2 the day, I had yucky soup for dinner, and Andy got fired on the Apprentice (why the fuck is Jenn still there???) ...my mom doesn't want me to arrive at her house until Saturday because my oldest "prized" sister will be there and we'd be in the way - maybe I'll leave out the "rinse the grated carrot off after 2 minutes." step on her body scrub gift. Tomorrow is going to be boring as hell, as well - it's a shame we don't have any money - it sure would be nice to hit some of those Black Friday sales - although I prefer to do ALL serious shopping online....it's hard to resist a Leapfrog for twenty bucks at Wally World.
I'll try to bitch at least a LITTLE more in my next entry ;)
1 comment:
Naan and tikka mikhani sounds like a perfect thanksgiving dinner to me. Aged sumatra body scrub sounds like a majorly cool yuppie gift.
Crazy family, there was no disproving that in the first place, whose isnt anyway? but a perfectly sain and balanced family wouldnt change PA for the better or make the west coast seem like anything less than the best place on earth.
idea, no substitute but its something; $66/mo into a separate account would allow 2 trips east for you and 2 trips west for your sister every year, every 3 months you could spend a week with each other, not just an odd trip over for a birthday or holiday but a week, one-on-one. Thats less than the cost of Dish and that is paying for her tickets as well as yours.
PA has your sister, the west has everything else, but the everything else it has must be gone after, sought out, but its all there just under the surface, nice people, good friends, big trees, mountains, lakes, an incredible ocean and an influx of everything from food to thought from all over the world not to mention, pic any major west coast city and you have 4 others close by to have more of the same, only different; Vancoover, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, and L.A. the last being the only one I wouldnt want to live in, but if you live in seattle and want to go to dizzy world its only a days drive away.
I cried yesterday when I felt like it was hopeless, that I would be dragged kicking and screaming into pointless life in PA, you would be happy, I would be more than miserable and before long I would find myself without a family, shoved aside for lack of need and because my misery annoyed everyone. Then when short decaf said he wanted to live in seattle I could see the same feeling in your eyes and I cried then too, feeling like it would be so long before you felt like moving back west was the right thing to do, that it all balanced out, I felt so sad for you and I felt like there are no winners here.
There are so many reasons but maybe a start is our kids wont grow up where rapper double-caff grew up, its where you grew up but its different now and its no place to raise a family. Thats a small consolation but if its enough to keep you going, there's more and more as time goes on.
I love you,
-venti
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