What's The Sound?

What's the sound of 3 teenagers laughing their asses off? Truthfully, it's the sound of 4 other people in the house going insane. Or, okay, maybe just 2 of those other people - the adults. Certainly, at least 1 of the adults, and that would be me.

I can hear their laughter - not seeping - but slamming up through the floor boards and it's like nails on a chalkboard. I want to just go down there and smack all three of them and tell them that SHIT IS JUST NOT FUNNY RIGHT NOW!!! Go get jobs. Stop smoking in my house. Stop stealing my cigarettes, which I'm now almost out of. Stop stealing shit from Walmart. PLEASE STOP LAUGHING.

I had to dig through my entire house tonight for change. We took it to one of those coinstar machines and got $13.42 from it. We spent $2 on a gallon of milk and put $10 in gas in the car, and now we have 42 cents. (Dave bought a lottery ticket.) This .42 will have to fucking last us until Wednesday night when we can write a check at the grocery store and ask for cash back.

All fucking day the kids have been going up to Walmart and buying junk food, and I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch...so I had a roast in the crockpot and suddenly all of them want to eat it. Now there's none left for lunch for Dave and me tomorrow. NOTHING TO LAUGH ABOUT!!!

I feel too stressed to keep dieting. I've lost 30 pounds - can't I be done now? I gained almost 5 pounds over the weekend and didn't even cheat...hell, I could have had a massive cheat day and gained 5 pounds the fun way. Of course, we had no money so it would have been a lousy cheat day anyway. But 5 fucking pounds? Really God? Did I need that?

And then someone from StumbleUpon called me ugly. "So. You're ugly. Wow." is what they said about my picture. No - that didn't hurt like hell... no, no ... why WOULD IT?? Why would someone just say something like that? I don't have my picture on StumbleUpon as a fucking way to meet fuck-buddies or even friends - just an avatar to say "Hey, this is who is ranking these pages." Asshole! Did I need this today? NO!

My nephew is never going to get out of here. I just know it. I could cry. I've TRIED to cry, but the fucking tears won't come anymore.

I can't believe he smoked at least 1/3rd of my pack of cigarettes. Who does that? Who just goes into someones things and takes whatever they want? My cigarettes, my xanax, my cellphone...doesn't matter...nothing I have belongs to me anymore.

Saw a mouse outside tonight. Fuck. I hate mice. It's Spring now so I suppose snakes are next. I was intrigued to learn that Ireland has no snakes, and so right about now Ireland is sounding really fucking good. Far away, cool, no snakes, no lying/stealing/cheating drug dealers in my FUCKING HOUSE!!!!!!!

I think it's time to email my sister and flip the fuck out. She wonders why I don't write very often since her son got here...can you imagine what I REALLY want to say to her? The worst part is that she knew about all of the bad things he's into, and yet she sent him here anyway. How low can she get? I suppose sleeping with my ex-husband wasn't low enough. Ugh.

Speaking of my ex-husband, he's got a picture on his myspace.com blog which was taken about ten days ago. Its caption is " Ahhhh!!! Key West....." and shows him leaning back on the back railing of a boat. This is where we went on our honeymoon, except he never took me out in a boat. All the way to Florida - 24 hour drive - never even got in the water. Then his mom sneaks my little boy to the doctor and calls us and tells us that he need surgery IMMEDIATELY on his eyes - so we leave our honeymoon early and drive back home (24 hours straight) - and it turns out he didn't need surgery right away...he had it several months later.

I fucking hate my life.