Well, it's about 45 minutes from being October 1st, which is the day we move into our own house. I'm so very glad that this week is over. It's just been mindnumbing to be in sister-in-law Decaf's house all week. She's not the problem, as I said before. She's really nice and everything, but maybe it's one of those woman things where you just NEED your own house for your own family. I don't know. I just know I've been utterly stressed beyond words, and so happy to finally know that when I go to sleep tomorrow night it will be in MY house. My rules, my ways of doing things, just mine, mine, mine.
Venti, you know I love you.
Venti has been extremely excited about his new job since his first day. They've given him a bouquet of flowers and great gifts, a wonderful office where he's eye-to-eye with the Space Needle, all the freshly ground Starbuck's coffee he can drink, and the latest and greatest technology and everything else the world has to offer in the most beautiful building in Seattle. I am so very glad that he's so excited about it, but I'm an ogre for feeling jealous and even slightly resentful when he goes on and on about it, but then kind of doesn't want to listen to what I've got to say. I admit that it's not much that I've got to comment on, but still.
I guess this is the time of my life when I have to make my own life with my own friends, likes, dislikes, conversations, just things that Venti isn't a part of anymore. He has so much here that makes him happy already, and I have to find that for myself. I'm officially an executive wife now. I immediately picture some 1950's housewife pulling a roast out of the oven moments before her husband comes home. Yeah. That'll fucking happen. Right.
Venti's sister doesn't quite yet believe that I have a brain in my head. His sister has been a tad pushy on getting things done, especially surrounding the kid's school. I know how these things work, and could do it on my own - but I really did need to wait until the lease came through and we had it in our hands before the school would even talk to us. His sister told him to tell me to start looking for immunization records now because the school will need them. Like I haven't put the boys into schools before? I don't know - it's just the way it's all said. And, of course, because Short Decaf is being a monster lately for some reason - opening doors and just walking outside - she is overly adament about us putting indoor locks or safeguards on all the doors in our new rental house so he doesn't walk out into the street. I mean, come on. Like I wouldn't think of that? I'll explain and say that Short Decaf has never had the opportunity to open doors before, and that opening doors is very new and exciting to him...but this is, again, a very new thing - specifically since we spent the first night in a hotel prior to starting our trip. He's been fascinated ever since. I know this. I have seen this. I am not about to let my little boy walk out of the front, basement, or back door and let him wonder off into traffic. It just annoys me. I think it annoys me even more because Venti is so wrapped up in himself right now, rightfully so I suppose, to notice that any of this shit goes on. He just doesn't see it, but still - it infuriates me.
I know that I'll be able to make a good life here and that we're going to live here for many, many year - and so I'd better make a life for myself, and all of that. I'm going to have to because I am not going to spend my whole life proving to Venti's family that I'm not a fucking moron.
Yes, I have panic attacks and a driving phobia the size of Montana, but I am not a fucking moron. Not even a moron. Not stupid. What I am is stressed out about all the changes in my life and not having anyone to talk to about them. Venti will suggest a counselor or the local find-a-friend service (as if it were that easy), but to be honest I really don't know WHAT it is that I need right now. I suppose out of everything I just need to grow some goddamn roots and get a life.
I need a car. I think it's disempowering to be left at home all day without a car. Venti said I could drive him down to the bus stop / park-n-ride every morning that I wanted the car, and that way I would have the Passat anytime I wanted it - but it's HIS car. I'm sure he's still squeamish about the pendant I hung off of the rear-view mirror.
Well, for all of my bitching/venting - which was nice - I suppose I ought to try and get some sleep now. We rented an SUV for tomorrow morning from the local Enterprise so that we'd have something bigger than a small trunk to stow away all the stuff we have to buy tomorrow for our empty house. We have it all weekend, and I hope that we can find the things we need to make it a comfortable house without breaking the bank....or doing any more damage to my ankle ;) (Oh - did I mention I majorly, majorly twisted my ankle last Saturday? It hurts like a bitch! No broken bones, thank God, but man does it hurt. The doctor said there are two directions, of course, to twist your ankle, and I went ahead and twisted mine the worst way that takes the longest time to heal. Naturally!)
Off to bed, then IKEA...but at least I get to go into Seattle tomorrow. That'll be nice.
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