My Life is Strange

I had a weird dream last night, something involving Sarasota Florida and someone scheduling a flight for me and my kids to California (with the stopover in Florida) - but when we got to the airport to get on our plane, they said there was no such flight and someone had obviously screwed us over. The person who'd set up the trip for us was my ex husband. But why Sarasota? I don't believe I've even heard that word in possibly years!? Anyway...

Tall and Grande Decaf were picked up by their grandparents on Friday night, their 'father' was supposed to pick them up but just couldn't pull it off, again. So Venti, Short, and I went to visit my family in Eastern Maryland - we thought it would just be a few select family members we don't hate, but as we got near the closest big town to the house, I called my mom and she said my sister - who hated me so much last week that she yelled at me on the phone (so loud people could hear it across the room!) then hung up on me - was there. Nice. No turning around and going back home - we'd already been on the road for like 2 1/2 hours. So, we get there - and my sister puts her happy as a clam face on and I swear to God that girl must be schizo.

The entire day and a half that we were there sucked. Nobody really talked TO each other, they just talked. Nobody listened to what anyone said, it was like a "who's got the biggest dick" contest. Sorry - pissing contest. Whatever. Venti and I stayed out of the way as much as possible and left promptly after lunch on Memorial Day Monday. Man - my mom fucking refuses to turn the a/c on - so we were roasting fucking hot the entire time.

My neice stayed totally drunk the entire time, a nice mix with the antidepressant she's on, as well as a nice mix with her 4 year old and 5 month old. She is a loud and obnoxious drunk person.

Then there's the fact that all female members of my family were wearing tank tops or other shirts that were so low cut that it was grossing me out. I mean, hey - if you've got nice boobs and you want everyone to see them, fine - but if you've got grim saggy boobs - get a wonder bra and lose 75 pounds and jacks-a-donut - you will offend nobody. Gross.

I swear I don't know how it is that I share genes with these people. I don't recognize myself in any of them - not one part of me. Thank God Venti doesn't see it either...hopefully I was adopted.

One fucked up thing though - my oldest sister was talking about her first and only panic attack, which she had several months ago from taking black cohash for her menopause symptoms ... now suddenly everyone respects the fact that panic attacks are a real thing. Shit. I go for 12 years and everyone thinks I'm nuts or not trying hard enough and then my sister and her daughter experience panic attacks and suddenly it's all just fiiiiine. Do you know how fucked up those people made me feel for TWELVE GODDAMNED YEARS?!?!!! And it's not like I can get that time back!

Okay, so anyway - on to other topics...better topics.

My panic attacks have been awesome lately - I am so pleased. In the beginning of getting treatment for them I told Venti that my only hope was that I'd feel numb, well - I don't feel numb, I'm just not panicking. It's very cool. :) I am having a little trouble staying focused when four people are talking at the same time and I'm supposed to be following every part of each conversation, and my sleep is a little screwy, but other than that I think I'm doing pretty well.

Today's a nice day - we bought Grande a new bike - his 'father' - the failure - got him a terrible POS bike from walmart and in a few minutes, Venti will be bringing home the surprise bike for Grande. I'm so excited - Grande doesn't know it's coming, and thinks it will be months before he sees a new bike because that's the way his "father" has always done things.

Like over this past Memorial Day Weekend - he said he was going to take them to Hershey Park, nice place for teenagers - amusement park, lots of fun, right? Did he? No -- he took them to a coal mine that they've been to ten other times and put them on the $2 a ticket train ride through a coal mine. Ooooh. Fun. What Dad, no t-shirt? That guy is a major asshole letting his kids down like that.

I do have all the paperwork ready to be put together to send in for child support re-upping. He'll pay much more now that both kids live with me - now he won't get to go on cruises or two week vacations to Florida as often but his kids will get clothing more often, so that'll be nice. God I hate him.

This is me blathering on and on endlessly out of sheer boredom, so I'll go...