12 Days Into Panic Disorder Treatment

So far so good, and I have to say that I'm generally impressed with the XXR, it's been doing its job and I haven't been panicking, although the last few days I've had some anxiety. Yesterday wasn't great, but I didn't have to take any extra regular xanax...in fact, I have only had to do that once and that was when we were shopping on Saturday at a giant mall for Tall Decaf's birthday presents....

I don't know, I guess it was just a really out of my norm type of day on Saturday, I got my hair cut and had a panic attack while the lady was washing my hair, then when she was cutting it - Venti had left me to go get his hair cut next door and I just kept thinking "He'll be back soon, it will pass, I won't pass out or freak out...blah blah blah..." and I didn't - of course. I did fine. Then going to the mall, I guess it just was too much - it's such a huge mall and so packed with people, especially since it was a Saturday, and the day before Mother's Day.

So I saw Dr. Decaf yesterday and he reduced my morning dose of XXR to 1.5mg and my afternoon dose stays the same. I hope that someday I won't need it at all, but he said I might need something to treat the anxiety for the rest of my life. Who knows. I've dealt with this for 13 years and it's used up alot of precious time I'll never get back, so I just want to feel better and have a life, so I'm really trusting this doctor to help me get there. I did see Therapist Decaf yesterday for the first time, she was NOT something that impressed me in the least. She was a MSW - not even close to a psychologist, didn't know half the shit I do about panic disorder, plus she's really overweight so I don't feel like I can talk to her about my own weight issues. I just didn't like her. I will go back to see her in a week but if I still don't like her, I'll request someone else...I need to get the most out of the treatment that I can, plus I can't afford, financially or emotionally, to waste time on someone who can't help me.

I haven't gained any weight from the Prozac yet, but I sure do like to sleep alot. I think it's out of bordom than being sleepy, though. There's just not a goddamned thing to fucking do in my life - and I know I could create things - and I'm working on that, my big goal is to get outside more and walk every day - plus take better care of the house, which I must say I've been doing a tiny bit better at each day.

So that's my "two weeks in" update.