Monday Is Over

I hate Monday's. Weekends are too short. I am being obvious. Ugh.

Haven't lost any weight at all in the past five days, and it's looking like tomorrow will be another non-losing day. I'm going to have to figure out what I'm doing wrong and fix it, otherwise I'll go off the diet completely.

The visits I had regarding my panic disorder over the weekend went pretty well. I'm not exactly sure what the psychologist wants me to do - I think he was just basically getting to know me. He didn't get to know much about me, but I did give him my website's URL - so now he'll know the whole story. The only thing I recall him wanting me to do was to exercise a little so I could start learning to not associate an elevated heart rate with a panic attack every time. Not as easy as it sounds.

The med check went well...Longest one of those I've ever had. She increased my Lexapro and is going to help me cut back on Xanax. I'll be glad if I can get to the point where I only take it as needed. I have to take 7.5mg of Lexapro for a week and then go to 10mg for a week and see how that ends up working out for me. I am having SERIOUS dosage increase anxiety. It's a total bitch that the startup side effects of these medicines that treat anxiety are...You guessed it...Anxiety. Lovely. I've been a total wreck, but I think that for the most part I'm hiding it pretty well. I hope, anyway.

We're now putting the whole house thing on the back burner while we fix some things on our credit. We only need five thousand dollars and we'll be in excellent shape credit-wise. Well, not excellent, but enough to get us a 100% loan at a more reasonable rate. I think we need $4,000 for fixing our credit and $1,000 for actual buying the house money. I just hope that in a few months when we've accomplished this that there are some decent priced - and nice - houses available. If not, I suppose we'll just wait until the right one comes along and by then we'll have even more saved up. Might have to move into an apartment for a few months - but that's okay. It sucks, it's the hard way, but in the long run it will pay off.

Now, how to make the $5,000. Maybe I can get my book that's 75% finished published. I'll have to work on that. I have my doubts, though. I hear it's hard to get published when you're not a "certified expert" in the field that you're writing about. How fucking retarded is that for a book like mine? It's personal experience...that should qualify me for a good publishing contract.

Okey dokey...gettin tired now. 2 AM - gee, wonder why? Short's already in bed after being lulled to sleep to the Thomas the Tank Engine show. That's such a mellow show for kids to watch - I love it for that reason - AND the fact that George Carlin does the narration. He's fucking hilarious.